(Closed) Really Need A Ear…Or Eye – Long

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Coral99:  It’s really tough when one of your friends is in a place where she can’t be as happy for you or as supportive as you would want her to be. It sounds like she was really, really low, even clinically depressed, after her break-up — and that seems to have impacted her ability to be present and sincerely happy for you. Whether it’s “fair” or not, I think that’s just the way it is sometimes when we’re dealing with a big trauma — you have to put yourself first. (And yes, she wasn’t a very good friend to you at the time. It’s OK to feel hurt about that.)

To be frank, I’m a bit concerned about the fact that she’s having a baby with, and tying herself for life to, this guy who she was just recently “trying” to feel in love with. I hope the pregnancy is something she really does want and that the relationship is one that will last. But honestly, I wonder if her life isn’t spinning out of control a bit.

In short, there’s nothing wrong with wanting her to be happy for you. But sometimes we just aren’t in the same place at the same time as the people we love. I think it would be a good thing, since you *were* at one point BFF, to keep her in your life, even at a bit of a distance. She may work through this phase and get to a point where she’s more in step with your life. Or — and this is even more likely — she may really, really need a friend in the upcoming months. I wish you both all the best.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Coral99:  First off, congratulations on your engagement. While I totally sympathize with you regarding your BFF not being supportive of you during this happy time, I can also understand where she’s coming from. When someone is truly grieving and trying to mend a broken heart it’s extemely difficult to be happy for someone else’s wedding. It may sound awful and selfish, but it’s the truth. I think she actually was trying to not rain on your parade by staying neutral, but of course that was hard on you.

This is a very difficult situation but hopefully you can try to understand what your BFF was going through. I do because I’ve been there. Cut her some slack and maybe that she now has some happiness in her life the two of you can get back to the friendship you once had.

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

It sounds as if your friend may be clinically depressed, which is a rather serious illness. That’s the worst time for a sun to set on a friendship. Leaving a friend at their worst isn’t very friendly. She may not have had the mental fortitude to be for you what you wanted her to be. Read up on depression ro get familliar with its severity, and you may have a change of heart.

Post # 6
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I totally can undestand you feeling torn – but she didn’t really react how a true friend should have when you broke the news of the engagement. She sounds completely jealous….

I feel like if I was in your situation I would take a break from her for awhile…

Post # 9
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I see a really big bandaid covering what is really going on with her. You’re totally right and need to look after yourself. Give her time to clear her head – it might not happen for a while, so be prepared to wait.

Post # 11
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I suspect she’ll come to you in pieces after it all comes crashing down around her. If I were you I’d accept and emotionally/physically detach from her in the meantime and until that ineviatable moment where she comes to you for support. You can obviously bid her farewell now or take the higher road and be there again for her when she needs you.

She will come to you; she’s a little lost at the moment. I don’t see that ending the friendship is necessary just yet. Give her some time. Who knows this experience might even make her a better friend later.

Post # 12
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can feel for both of you! She thought she was going to get married and have bebies, then, out of NOWHERE, her BFF finds a guy and gets engaged in 5 months! Meanwhile, she’s not getting any younger and her baby window is getting smaller and smaller.

In her place, I think I would have had a hard time being there for you 100%, too! It stinks that she couldn’t be as happy for you as you would have liked, but maybe she wasn’t the right person to expect happiness from.

On the bright side, now that she’s having a baby, maybe now you can be happy for one another! You can chit chat babies and weddings and be best friends again! That is, if she really IS happy.

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