Post # 1
I feel so ungrateful that I don’t love my ring and hardly wear it.
We first decided to get engaged late one night. We had talked about it pretty much since we started dating and knew we are meant to be together.
I am a little impatient and really wanted a ring right away, it didn’t feel official to me without one so we headed to the local mall and picked one out. We bought the first one I fell inlove with without realizing what we were exactly buying. So we returned that ring.
So then later on we went looking in different places to save money and went to look at rings at pawn shops. My FI really had no opinion other than cost so I just picked one out he has happy to pay for. It’s okay but I don’t feel like it relfects either of us at all. We both agreed that we both comprimised.
I was never a girl to expect an expensive ring, and neither were more than 1500. But I think because he had no real input in picking it it bothers me. We are both very creative and interesting people and it’s so run of the mill. It also feels like price was the most important thing to him, when he would easily spend 100-150 dollars a night when he was single.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I love my FI so much but I’m not sure of what to do in this situation. Everything else we see eye to eye on but this!
Post # 3
It seems like you are kind of contradicting yourself. You say that you wanted a ring quickly, so you picked out something that you thought you liked, and now you don’t like it because he didn’t pick it? If that’s the case, then return (or re-pawn the ring… do they do returns?) the ring and tell him it would meant more if he picked it out. But then don’t be surprised or let down if it’s something that doesn’t fit your expected time frame, budget, or style.
Post # 4
Goldfishpie, thank you for your response!
I agree with you that I am contradicting myself, I think I just needed to hear it from someone not close to the situation. I think because he really had no opinion is what really bothers me.
Post # 5
If you think you could handle having a ring that you weren’t necessarily “crazy” about, and if you’re okay with not having it tomorrow (or next week… or maybe even next month…) then ask him to pick one out for you. Tell him it would mean a lot to you as a sentimental piece. And he can’t go too wrong, you guys already picked out two rings that you liked so he knows, at least on a basic level, your style!
Good luck and congrats 🙂
Post # 6
I knew what I wanted in a wedding set before I had a boyfriend, so my hubby really had no input. Hehehe. We went to Jared together, me with a picture of a ring similiar to what I was wanting, and they showed us our options. He really didn’t have much to say unless I directly asked him a question about it, (for example, I asked if he liked channel or prong set better for the side stones, and he agreed with me that while the channel set look better from the side, we liked the way the prong set stones looked from the top, which is where most people would be viewing the ring from).
I think if your FI if had had an opinion, he would have expressed it. Some guys just don’t care about the rings, just like some guys don’t care about the flowers, or the color of the tablecloths, etc. Do YOU like the ring? If you were picking it out by yourself for yourself, would you like it? Unless you hate it, (or he does) I don’t think it’s a big deal that he didn’t provide much input.
Post # 7
It looks like you want two contradictory things.
1) A ring picked by him
2) A ring that you feel represents you as a couple (or you as a person).
If he picks a ring, it might not represent you at all or might be too plain for your liking. If you want to choose a ring you love, it’s not going to be him choosing it! So it’s sort of a catch-22.
I think it’s also a bit contradictory to say that price doesn’t matter to you but be upset that he stayed on a budget of $1500.
Maybe you should try to figure out what is most important to you, and be really honest with yourself here: do you really just want his input, but ultimately choose the ring yourself? Do you want him to splurge a bit more? Do you want to be completely surprised? When you know what you want, you can lay out your concerns to him and see how he feels. Maybe you guys can exchange the ring one final time, this time agreeing exactly what your priorities are.
But one final point – it’s easy to ascribe more importance to your ring than it really has. I don’t think most guys choose engagement rings as an elaborate reflection of their girlfriends’ personalities. I think my FI was typical in his process – he asked me about what cut I liked and which metal I preferred for the band. And then he bought a simple ring that fit those categories. So I have a very plain ring – something you might call “run of the mill”. Does that mean that we’re not creative or interesting? I wouldn’t say so. Would I have picked something more elaborate if I was choosing it myself? Probably, but I preferred the surprise of having him choose it.
Post # 8
I don’t think getting another one is an option. It’s just hard because I see so many women who absolutley love their ring and love showing it off while I could take it or leave it. It’s really stressing me out and I feel extremley ungrateful.
Post # 9
If this were just a ring that you saw on another person, would you think it was pretty? I ask because it seems like you are more upset about the way you got your ring than with the ring itself. I don’t really see anything in your posts saying that it’s too small, or it’s not a color metal you usually like, so all of that makes me think that this isn’t about the physical ring, but about the fact that you feel like you BF wasn’t invested in the proposal because he didn’t surprise you.
I think you need to move on from the proposal and start focusing on the fact that you are going to get married. Lots of couples pick out their rings together (we did!) and lots of couples just decide one day to get married (we did!). So here’s what I think you need to do: first, start wearing your ring every day. You don’t have to wear it 24-7, but wear it around the house and when you go out, unless you’re washing dishes or going to the gym or something. You need to spend time with your ring and fall in love with it- just like with your guy. Second, stop thinking about the way in which you got the ring and start thinking about what the ring means. Every time you look down at your ring, say to yourself, “FI wants to marry me, and we’re going to get married on (date)! I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him!” Creating positive associations with your ring will help you push aside those negative ones you currently have.
And lastly, I think you should stop dwelling on the way you got engaged. Start thinking about your wedding and your life together, rather than your engagement. That’s what your ring is really about, not about the way it was purchased. Men don’t usually have a lot of opinions on jewelry, so I don’t think that your FI is unusual or that it means anything. He wanted you to be happy and get what you want. He even was cool with returning one ring and buying another, because he wanted to make you happy. You need to stop over analyzing it. You have a man who loves you, who wants you to be happy, and who wants to spend the rest of his life with you. That’s all anyone could ever hope for, and that’s what your ring symbolizes.
In the meanwhile, put your creativity into planning an awesome wedding 🙂
Post # 10
Yeah I don’t think it’s entirely the ring either, but it didn’t help when the jeweller who fit it said to us “how much did you spend on this? just to let you know it’s not good quality :S, gee thanks buddy….
We are opting out of having a wedding so that we can travel around Europe for a month next year, something that we both agreed on 🙂
Post # 11
I agree with greenleafmountain. Loving your ring takes time. I think a lot of brides have ring doubts, because after all, we have to wear it for the rest of our lives. My fiance and I are both creative, unqiue people. My ring is a plain round solitaire. Trust me, people still think of me as quirky and creative without having a crazy ring. I looked at more elaborate styles and decided that simplicity was so elegant.
If you are truly unhappy with your ring, you should say something. But give it time- and don’t forget that many brides upgrade their ring after a few years.
Post # 12
another option: you can upgrade it later.
Post # 13
If it makes you feel better, i dont love my ring either, and the funny part is I picked it out! We had a custom ring made and either I didn’t do a very good job describing exactly what I wanted, or the jeweler was off his rocker, and the end result is less then thrilling and just plain strange. So don’t feel like you are the only bride out there who isn’t over the moon about her ring.
My solution was to move on. I focus on how many elements of my wedding are going to be fabulous and try to forget about the ring. Unfortunetly lots of things in your life arn’t going to turn out perfect, but thats all part of the experience. But its ok to feel dissapointed and I dont think you are ungrateful for feeling so. I wish I could offer you better advice, but at least know that you arn’t alone out there!