- 5 years ago
Sorry if this is going to be a bit wordy. I think it’s important I put things in context but THANK YOU to all those read this. I really need a third perspective as this has been bothering me for a long time.
I got my degree two years ago and finally got an internship at a great company last April. There was only one young person in my dept – let’s call her Pat. At first things were great with Pat. She was helpful and I would often turn to her for advice on my job and performance. I’m a people pleaser by nature and would regularly bring cupcakes and treats for everyone, especially my department. I had no idea there were any underlying issues between me and Pat but I was very wrong. Because I was new, I tried being friendly to everyone but I would not invite myself to lunches and group events with Pat and her friends as I did not want to infringe. One of Pat’s friends, let’s call her Nella, took a liking to me and invited me to lunch with the group once (where I was ignored) and to Pat’s friend, Krystal’s b’day party but I chose not to go since no one else invited me and unknown to me, there was a huge issue with me being invited. Months pass and I make my own group of friends and am having a great time at work. I become good friends with Pat’s friend, Kyle, who would take the bus with me sometimes since we both lived VERY far from work. Sometimes I would stay back late at work because I was intent on doing a good job and on those days would ask for Kyle’s company to travel since it would usually be very late and the area we worked in had security issues. He had no issues with this since he would usually stay back late also to go to the company gym. Around this time, Pat starts telling Klye that I’m choosing to stay back late because of him and that I like him. This was not true at all since he and I were just good friends with similar interests. This went on for a while and Krystal started telling Kyle things about me. FWIW, Krystal really liked Kyle, who did not reciprocate. Pat starts to tell Kyle that I’m a poor performer on the job and did not do things the way she told, although my performance appraisal showed me averaging high scores across the board (8/10). I spoke to Pat abt her issues with my work and told her in future she should feel free to come to me if she felt I was not doing well and I had no issues with that (keep in mind she is NOT my supervisor in any way) since I looked up to her.
Things got better for a while. Then the shit hit the fan. There was a function on work for which my dept was responsible and as luck would have it I got sick. Really sick. I still made it to work the day before the function and although my supervisor told me to go home, I stayed to finish everything which meant I left work after 6. But I got so sick I couldn’t make it on the day of the function. Well as luck would have it, Kyle was also sick (with a different ailment) and also did not go to work that day. When Pat realized both Kyle and I were absent, she concluded we stayed home to be together. She also kept msging Kyle, telling him that day telling him I wasn’t really sick etc etc. I was shocked when I found this out. She told a friend of mine, Meg (whom she did not know I was close to) that I had no work ethic and she was done with me. I could not understand what I had done and I could not take it anymore. After crying and worrying for a few days, I went to my manager (the Industrial relations manager) to speak abt it. He was sympathetic and said we’d all discuss it later. Before that happened, I got a panic attack on work. I was taken to the nurse on compound who happened to be Meg and she was alarmed at my blood pressure and breathing and put me on oxygen. I was sent home. NO ONE from my department called to find out if I was okay and no one, save the IR mgr, inquired the next day if I was okay. The following day, Pat confronted me and said we need to talk. She accused me of being irresponsible for not coming to work on the day of the function, said I was not a team player since I chose to stay late and do things alone (keep in mind I just wanted to do a good job and get a lot of work done and I told her so. I also did things that were not my responsibility just to help out the others). She made claims about girls who came from my school (a prestigious girls’ school) and said we were very competitive. She said that she would invite me to lunch and I refused (she NEVER once invited me to lunch with her friends –EVER) and that I treated men differently from women and chose to travel with Kyle and not her. She did not even travel at this point but got a ride with Meg. I told her what she told Meg abt our rift being irreparable. She denied it and cut off both Kyle and Meg at this point – two of her very good friends, for not taking her side. We spoke, I cried a bit and we said we’d try to go forward with a clean slate. That never really happened. We would speak but she would always be cold. She used to gossip abt me with a woman in our dep’t, Wendy (who was old enough to be my mum), who took her side and this woman would tell her other friends things abt me. A few months later, Kyle and I really did get together and year later, we are still going strong. This was the final straw and Pat and Krystal never spoke to Kyle again unless it was work-related. They hated us together. To further complicate things, Pat had an unplanned pregnancy. She started acting miserable since her bf and her were unmarried, unemployed and the pregnancy was against her religion. She clearly resented the way Kyle and I were happy together and I’m not sure if this was related to the fact that she kinda settled with her guy and he did not treat her the same.
Things continued like this for a while. Tense but bearable. I dealt with it because I was coming to the end of a non-renewable contract. Pat’s friend, Wendy, kept gossiping abt me. I kept getting wind of it and all the hurtful things they said abt how no one liked me and they can’t wait till I left. It was so difficult. I cried abt it after work all the time. Wendy even went so far as to tell my supervisor that I was never by my desk because I was always by Kyle’s office and that I was always on my phone – both untrue as part of my job meant moving around but why spoil their fun right? The day before I left was my b’day. There was a small dept get-together with a few cupcakes, some food and a little wine that lasted 20 minutes. There was no goodbye party. Compare this to the farewell party for the intern before me which included a cake, catered food, a ton of alco, a party for abt 70 people and a huge portrait of him, it was obvious how much they hated me although a lot of people complained abt the performance of the last intern. Karen did not even tell me happy birthday. The day I left was like any other. I carried about 70 cupcakes on work to give out and gave Pat a half dozen for herself since she was craving cake. I left with her and I not mending our rift but I was so glad to be gone. It was the end of 7 months of hell from her which also included veiled BBM and FB statuses abt me and my lack of work ethic and many other supposed faults, her not telling me good morning when I would enter the office & gossiping abt me with Krystal and Wendy. They also spoke about the way I dressed (I like dressing up a lot – scarves and high heels, statement necklaces and pencil skirts, wear make-up etc – and this was the opposite of Pat.) Also, I’m not sure if this is relevant but everyone would always compliment my looks and while I find my looks to be nothing special, other people were always flattering which never was quite the case with Pat. I never took this factor into consideration until Meg pointed out that when I first joined the dept, Pat got very insecure and would comment on my looks.
Fast forward 6 months later. I finally got a new job last month and it’s going great. I hardly ever update FB but I felt my new job warranted a status. I put up something abt the difference between being part of a dept vs. being part of a team and how I’m thankful for great colleagues. Well, goodness knows what happened but Pat blocked me on FB. I’m still not sure why but I guess it was the status which honestly had nothing to do with her but my new work colleagues. It feels like all the old resentment is back. I keep asking why she hated me so much and what I did that was so wrong. I’m just unbelievably hurt and feel like a failure. I feel like no one, not even my former supervisor, saw the undercover bullying that I was subjected to and maybe I really was a bad worker although I stayed back late many times and gave it my EVERYTHING. I feel like I can’t ever try SO hard on a job again because it will never be appreciated. Even though everyone but Pat and her cronies really liked me, I just feel like a failure and a horrible person and maybe I’m unable to see my faults, which Pat was able to. Pat still resents Kyle who is still employed at my former company as well as some persons in Pat’s department and gives them hell. She always complains about their performance and sends them e-mails abt it, and copies her boss and their boss and always carries on like she has a great position. Her job is good but there’s little room for growth but clearly it has gotten to her head. Well, shit hit the fan again last Friday as she sent another of her lengthy complaining e-mails to my bf’s co-worker and their manager finally did something about it, complaining to Pat’s manager about her behaviour. Everyone in my bf’s dept thinks she’s on a high horse and thinks herself superior. I’m wondering if, as payback for the incident with my bf and his colleagues, if that’s why she blocked me? I’m just so confused. I just want to know why she hated me so much and still does. Why did she block me? When will her hatred of me end? And will anyone ever figure out who she really is? Will she always get away with this behaviour? Always picking on people who make her insecure for whatever reason? Do you guys think I was wrong? Do you think her behaviour and her karma will catch up to her someday? I’ve never met anyone like her before… L
Thanks SO SO SO much for getting this far guys. This is prob the longest OP on WB but I felt like the related details were relevant – there were many things I left out. Thanks again hive. I appreciate any and all advice. J