(Closed) REALLY need the Hive's help… bullied or is it my fault? :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Pat sounds pretty miserable, that’s for sure.  I understand how rough it is to work with someone like that, having been there in my first position out of law school.  But you really need to stop giving her space in your head – she’s not worth it.  You said you’re a people pleaser, and that’s definitely coming through loud and clear. 🙂  I think you’ll find that as you gain more experience in your career, you’ll develop a thicker skin and these kinds of issues will start to roll off your back a bit easier.  Your colleagues won’t always be your friends (in fact, I find it to be a rare exception) and you’ll probably always have to work with at least one person you don’t mesh with.  There are LOTS of Pats in the world, and you have to learn to not let them get in your way – professionally or emotionally.

Post # 4
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds to me like she is unhappy and insecure so she lashes out at people who evoke those feelings for her. You are pretty and well dressed with a guy who treats you well and makes you happy. She probably envies you and can’t stand that you are ‘better’ than her, so she takes every opportunity to assert her superiority. I honestly don’t think that you ‘did’ anything per se, just that you are the easiest/juiciest target for her negative emotions. If I were you I’d just let it go, this person isn’t worth wasting your time or energy on.

Post # 6
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

why…. why are you friends with her on facebook and why do you still care about her or what happens to her? she does not like you. that is why she blocked you. that is why she was a bitch to you. 

i know you want to be liked… but she doesn’t like you. there is no good reason for it. at all. it just is. 

so do yourself a favor and forget she exists. she doesn’t deserve the time and thought.


Post # 7
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with the PP but this seems to be something in the past and unfortunately Pat hasn’t earned a place in your life with be worthy your breath or worry. I would just forget the bad times and remember the good times you had with that company. She seems like she is just used to being the center of attention and you were starting to encroach on her level. You seem to have a good relationship out of this drama I would focus your time and worry on that and making sure that stays solid. Good Luck and no worries!

Post # 8
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

She is totally not worth your attention. I’m amazed you’re still friends with her on facebook. I’d have deleted her the minute I left, sooner if I could have politely got away with it.

Post # 9
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t understand why you care about what such miserable people say or think about you, or why you continued trying to be friends with people who were anything but kind to you. Professional, yes, but there was/is no need to care what they think of you.

You actually sound A LOT like me when I was around 14, classic people pleaser with anxiety (even over silly things, i’d completely melt down if I thought i’d annoyed someone). Seriously, you just described me around 6 years ago.

Here’s my advice (and I know it’ll be difficult if you really are like I was), forget about her. There is NOTHING you can do to make her like you. She doesn’t and won’t. Not everyone will like you, some people have serious hang ups about themselves and take it out on others, some people are very quick to believe rumours, some people just have very different personalities. Of the 6.2 billion people on this earth, you’ve written a short essay on a handful of people who don’t like you. It’s something you’ll just have to accept, you didn’t do anything wrong from what you’ve told us, so there’s nothing you can do to make it right.

Here’s a quote that may help with your anxiety- If you are worried, ask yourself- can I fix this? If no, then why worry? If yes, then why worry? I think, honestly, you should try to work on your confidence and self esteem. I no longer have panic attacks or care what people like that think about me and my choices, I have much more important things to focus on and I’M happy, so I don’t care what people who are relatively insignificant think of me.

Post # 11
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Can I be very blunt?

That work environment sounds like high school. You need to learn to seperate work from personal issues. And don’t engage in childish behavior, even if those around you are. 

Its great you don’t work there anymore but you have an opportunity to learn from it. Since Pat was never your boss, why did she feel the need to critique your work? I would have taken that straight to my boss and asked for his feedback, not in a dramatic way but in a constructive feedback way.

can I be brutally honest? Don’t be the girl that brings in baked goods. It sets you up as an easy target. I’m sorry but it does. You don’t need your coworkers to appreciate you in that manner. You want them to respect your work and strong work ethic, which you have.

Post # 13
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Maybe you could try making a list of all the people who DO like you, and then write Pat’s name on the other side of the page so you can look at it and it will be a reminder that it’s just this ONE person who has an issue with you.

Post # 15
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry but are you writing about work or junior high school? Get to work, do your job, go home. Getting immersed in the he said/she said/why don’t they like me will do you no good. Birthday parties are not relevant in the work enviroment. Bringing cupcakes to work is not what makes a good colleague and employee. Also, I understand you did other peoples’ work after hours in good faith but that is actually a really bad idea.

Post # 16
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@Arshim:  If you’re never going to see her again (and why would you, if you’re not friends and you no longer work together?) then removing her from facebook is no big deal. What’s she going to do about it? Moan about it on her own facebook? What a shame, you can’t see it any more. Too bad, so sad, get a grip.

I can’t understand why people agonise so much about removing people they don’t speak to on facebook. Most people won’t notice and/or give a crap, and those that do? Are people you shouldn’t be bothering with in the first place because REALLY. It’s JUST FACEBOOK.


ETA: Just noticed you mentioned it was in HR – I worked in HR for like 2 years, and they are some of the WORST departments for pettyness and Office Politics. And you’re in an awkward situation because unlike if you have a greivance with a colleague in any other department, in HR there is no-one unconnected with either of you who you can talk with and who can mediate. Just be glad to be done with her, seriously.

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