Sounds rough. Especially that comment about your breasts, insanely rude!! Try not to let her get to you, she's probably jealous because you're now the most important woman in her son's life (seems to be the case fairly often). If it cheers you up any, she won't be around forever...depending on her age, might not be long ;)
@MeelaMay: Ha ha, that actually made me laugh. She is only in her early 40's unfortunately. BUT the great thing is I am SUPER close to my SIL and neither her or my DH can stand her. My SIL recently said that her mom will be very confused when none of her kids have any contact with her anymore, which is VERY telling.
She IS jealous. She is constantly trying to feel like she knows DH better than me (he hasn't lived with her since he was 16 and he is 25, and we have been dating since he was 17). And that he is as AMAZING as he is BECAUSE of her, when really its INSPITE of her.
@SweetartMD: Maybe she's just jealous of your boobs. I mean, seriously, who talks about their In-Laws anatomy like that?!
Vent all you want on here. It doesn't sound like your man's mom is a real winner, but she's still his mom. Do your best to be the better person in the relationship for his sake. And if he winds up not wanting contact with her anymore then support his decision (and do your little dance of joy in private).
God bless you for not slapping her...hahaha I agree with the prior posting she sounds like she is jealous that she is losing her son to you. She may not have been a good mother and has some guilt because she see that you are the opposite of her and her son was smart enough to find someone that is.
Unfortunately, you will have to deal with her on some level just limit the contact and interaction when possible. Dont tell her any of your plans for the future or what you would like to do, etc. She seems like a petty woman who is trying to cause problems.
BIG HUG
Oh man, she sounds like a lovely little peach. My MIL is kind of the same way. I have to bite my tongue around her sometimes because I really want to just slap her. I've been mean to her on ocasion and felt bad, but DAMN did it feel good!
Jealousy must be a HUGE issue with moms when their boys leave. I don't have any brothers so my mom was never weird or anything, but I know my MIL is not the only one who is so mean. My good friends MIL pretends that her and her son arent even married and that my friend does't even exist, which is so weird, but whatever.
The whole bit about the birthday gift regifted as your present is AWFUL. I would just get her a single, solitary balloon next time. If she cant appreciate it when people do nice things for her, then she doesnt deserve anything. A balloon is a nice slap in the face. You can't regift a balloon months later!
@LoggerHead91207: She CONSTANTLY talks about my boobs. Every female in DH family on his mother' side has HUGE breasts, his aunt actually had breast reduction surgery. One day at one of his family gatherings MIL said VERY loudly "I don't understand why my son didn't go for someone who actually has boobs, seeing as every other female he grew up around had them!"
That REALLY pissed me off, but DH said thats probably one of the reasons he prefers mine, which made me happy! :)
@niasg1: Thank you so much!
@JemmyGee: Arg, at least I know I am not alone. But seriously, no one wants to HATE their mother in law. I really wish we could be close! I am DONE getting her gifts, if DH wants to get something he can, but he forgot to get her anything so I picked out the present this time. Never again.
@SweetartMD: You're right, I don't want to hate mine. I don't HATE her, but she isn't my BFF, not by a longshot. But look on the bright side, she may be a bitch but at least she aknowledges your existence. The whole comment on your boobs kind weirds me out though.
@JemmyGee: You're right, I don't exactly HATE her, but she is pushing me closer. Yeah, the boob thing is bizzare... she has no self censor though so I am used to her saying weird things, I just wish they didn't always have to be so insulting.
I saw the hope chest in another post, and it was beautiful. So at least there is a shred of a good person somewhere in there. Hold onto that as long as you can!
It mostly sounds like she has no filter. Whatever she thinks comes right out of her mouth and most of it is awful! My FMIL can be like this too, I have learned not to share anything important with her, only things I don't really care about LOL.
I think the best strategy is just to limit your contact with her. Don't share personal details, stories, aspirations, etc and she won't have the opportunity to belittle them or use them against you. Block her on facebook. You can say you had to limit what you are posting due to work finding your FB or something.
@kerensa: All VERY good ideas thanks! I think she would have a spasm if I blocked her on Facebook but I can maybe tweak it to control what she sees.
The chest is beautiful, you're right... I'll try to focus on that. :)
Ugh, I'm sorry. My FMIL always buys things that I have been wanting / saving for whenever she finds out. It really gets on my nerves too.
@SweetartMD: You are more than welcome I totally sympathize with you. I have a aunt who always points and thinks her daughter is so much better than I am, but she fails to see that although she went to one of best colleges (Howard) she is not a good mother. I have a college degree but as far as she is concerned it is not as good as her daughter's.
@peonies327: Ugh, its so annoying right? The thing is I was going on and on about cars and she didn't even MENTION wanting a new car! The only thing she said is that I should be happy I don't have a car payment like her.
@niasg1: Ugh, I hate when family can't just be happy for each other! Why do people always need to be in competition? Its ridiculous!
@SweetartMD: Well, me with my smart ass gave some subtle comments that made her stop calling me...I ended that shit because it was getting me too upset. The sad part is I have to invite these idiots to the wedding to please my older sister. My mom passed away when I was 7 years old and she has been my mother so I have to respect her wishes but I could care LESS!!!!
@SweetartMD: OMG I feel your pain! My exMIL was exactly the same and it drove me crazy! She got so drunk at my engagement party and everything had to be about her. And she'd tell the weirdest lies and say the rudest things to me. And try to be so competative!
Unfortunately she was a huge part in why we broke up. My Ex wasn't as smart as your partner to leave and be as clear eyed and unattached To her.
I vowed I will never ever be anything but nice and diplomatic to my children's partners.
She probably has self esteem through her breasts only as thats all she has going for her.
Good luck! And if you HAVE to buy her presents, just get her stuff you want like a quirky tv show DVD or something you'll enjoy having returned to you ;)
@SweetartMD: Every time DH sees his mom, he should make a point to mention at least twice per visit how much he loves your boobs. I bet that would shut her up about them.
@niasg1: I am So sorry! That sucks! Hopefully they will be okay at your wedding and then maybe you can associate with them as little as possible!
@RedJezabel: Arg, that sounds JUST like her! You're right about her boobs, if I weighed as much as she does I'm sure my boobs would be huge too! Thats a great idea for gifts! I love it!!!
@Daisy_Mae: Haha, that would be HYSTERICAL, but DH would so not do it, Plus I think my boobs get brought up in his family enough as it is without him contributing... Lol!
@SweetartMD: It will be 250 people there so that will cut down anytime I will have to spend with them....We will not have a receiving line and this will also limit my contact. I am sitting them in the back because I dont want to see them. They wont stay long because they will be jealous of my wedding and my FI. My FI loves me and spoils me and when her daughter got married she tried to make me feel bad because I wasnt.
I chose not to get married after being proposed to 5 times over the years but I wanted a partner and would not settle. We are having a grand wedding with an unlimited budget (1) because this is my first and (2) because he loves to show off and have his high ranking military friends attend they will be green with envy. Oh, by the way her daughter's husband up and left when she was at work and of course she didnt tell anybody...ssssh
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
But seriously, some people are just narcissist and hopefully you can ignore it. You might want to read a book called "Boundaries". We did have to distance ourselves from some family or run the risk of never wanting to see or speak with them ever again.
Your MIL obviously has self-esteem issues as well as some other problems. Just be polite and let her rude/weird comments roll right off your back. You are required to be polite and respectful, that is all.
While I adore FMIL and FFIL, my SILs are apparently insanely jealous of me. They would whisper whenever I came around to family functions, and delibrately leave me out of conversations, etc. Did I care? HELL NO! I couldn't care less what they think of me. So I would smile and make polite conversation and go about my business. My FH told me that it is incredibly obvious that I couldn't care less which, BUGS THE CRAP out of my FSILs.
@FallMOG2013: I will have to check that out! We are hopefully moving away to a different state soon so that will help!
@trueblue14: I guess I have never really thought about her self esteem.... but it makes sense! A lot of sense now that I really think of it. Funny how I am a school counselor and I go on and on about self esteem but when it comes to her I didn't even think about it! I am so sorry about your SILs, that suck! My mom's sister in laws used to be like that too because they were so crazy jealous of my mom, but she never let it get to her. Hang in there!
My FMIL is constantly comparing herself to me and always talks about how FI takes me out more than her and other stuff like she is in competition with me. What I try to do to avoid getting to pissed at her is turn everything around on her, she says I have small boobs too and FI should have found someone with bigger ones. I just say at least mine will stay up a lot longer then yours, or if she got the same car I wanted I'd say something like "dang I have great taste, don't I? I always you knew you wanted to be like me :)" and turn around and get something ten times nicer. Or if she regifted a present to me and pointed out I would say "o maybe for your next birthday I'll get you a purse I've been looking at that way you can give it to me on my birthday" all with a smile on my face. Call her out on her bs but do it in joking way that makes you come out on top, if she wants to be rude then she can suffer the consquences.
@alyssaC: Love it love it love it!!!! All very happy making ideas! I think I might enjoy that! :)
"And just now she has started a facebook war with me trying to tell me that every desirable quality my DH has is from HER, which is NOT true because I wouldn't have fallen in love with someone so HORRIBLE!!!!"
I can't help but chuckle at that. For some reason MY mom has been doing that about me lately. She also keeps claiming she's (appearance wise) more like me than my sister even though it's universally agreed that my sister looks the most like her. I'm terrible with matching facial features and even I can see it. But I think she's getting ready to repeat all that for the wedding, not that I care that muich I just think it's insulting to my sister that ever since I became a bride that she's making these claims.
@SweetartMD: Yeah people say to kill them kidness I prefer to kill them with sarcasm and my own awesomness :) It's much more rewarding and usually they are so wrapped up in themselves they don't even realise how sarcastic you are actualy being.
Wow, sorry to hear your MIL being a pill like that! I would give her a card for Christmas. She can't 'regift' that. If you feel that would be too mean, consider a pre-paid Visa card for X amount of dollars for her to spend as she likes. Nobody turns down or returns money. :)
As a person with 'watermelons', it's not all people think it's cracked up to be. She is probably envious that you could possibly wear cute bras and tops and she can't. There also is a way to prevent her from seeing your posts on Facebook, but you might want to block her period. If she asks why, explain that your friends list is for friends, not competitive, tactless mother-in-laws. ;)
Several years ago, I had the opportunity to drive a brand new Toyota 4Runner on a trip to St. Augustine. I loved that SUV so much, and wanted to keep it forever, and told everyone about how awesome it was. Mere months later, my mother traded in her Corolla......for a 4Runner. She claimed it was to tow her new husband's boat (that he sold like 6 months later). Whatever.
If you really want to screw with her, you could always make random stuff up like you're thinking of buying a pet leopard, or doing your spare bedroom in cheetah-print, or installing mirrors on your ceiling, or throwing out the bed and sleeping on yoga mats 'for health reasons' or something utterly ridiculous. Heck, you could show her this crazy Pinterest idea. See how fast she starts doing those crazy things, and have a good laugh! :)
Give the gift back! I mean it I would so give that gift back for whatever special occasion. If she wants to act like a five year old I can play too. I would start telling specific things he enjoys that you do in the bedroom. I would probably also tell her she needs to get a face lift and point out grey hair. I'd be like "Oh my gosh have you lost weight" and guess how much she weighed but I'd guess 15-20 lbs higher than what I thought. WARNING That will all start trouble and drama
Oh and I agree with Sweet_Tea. Watermelons aren't all that fun. I would love to be a C or a B.
@Sweet_Tea: Haha, that made me laugh so hard! LOVE idea of getting her to do the pinterest thing! Thats sooo something she would probably end up actually doing too! I SHOULD give her a prepaid visa because she is always complaining how broke she is (because she is always buying things she can't afford, like the care...) Brilliant ideas! And its good to know about from someone with "Watermelons". I actually really like my small boobs, but she makes me feel so self concious!
@greymonkey42: Haha for DH's sake I can't be THAT mean, although I really might THINK those things some times!
Thanks for all the laughs guys!!!
@SweetartMD: You described my stepmother to a T. She says things like that to me and my brother (also her step child) all the time. I used to get really offended until I figured out that she is just severely insecure about herself. Once I figured that out I was able to let the mean and offensive things she says roll off my shoulders (I was 13).
She tries harder now but still lacks a filter. I know she loves me and due to a strange turn of events I have decided to keep her in my life even though my father no longer is (they're divorced now). She will know my future children and I will still celebrate the holidays with her. My FI has met her a few times and had to learn how to deal with her eccentric personality as well. As far as her own children go; her son barely speaks to her and her daughter only does so when she needs a babysitter or money. They love her too, but it is hard to be around her when she is so grating.
The things may sound harsh and rude because you are not used to them, but it might just require a tougher skin when she is around. I know my step-mom loves me, she just didn't learn how to filter her thoughts and express her feelings in a 'loving' manner that I would know how to accept. Maybe that is the case with your FMIL as well? Maybe being extra sweet to her will help? Kind of a 'kill 'em with kindess' thing?
Okay so you can't be that mean. You could give the gift back and be like "Oh I thought this was a cute little inside joke between us." You can also do the whole weight loss thing and act like you seriously think she use to weigh more than that.
@suburbian: Yeah I get what you are saying. I have been an only child all my life and have never really been "teased"... but still, most people think she is just a complete B!TCH. I know she likes me, maybe even loves me... but she is a hard person to be around. Hopefully I will get used to it like you did with your stepmom.
@greymonkey42: The only problem with that is that she DID used to weigh a lot more than she does, but she could still lose a substantial amount.... her weight is actually a really sore subject with her. If I REALLY wanted to be mean THAT is for sure where I would go. But I try to take the higher road. :)
Best of luck. The high road is never any fun when it comes to people like that. When she upsets you you could buy an ugly stuffed animal, name it after her, and throw it at the wall everytime you are upset with her.
@MeelaMay: OMG Hilarious! Horribly, horribly FRIKKIN HILARIOUS!!!
Op, I'm so sorry she's like this. My bio-FMIL(fh's real mom) is nonexistent in his life. we're inviting her out of "being the bigger people" and "politics" LOL. My fh's stepmom, however, I think I got lucky. She's down to earth, and just as crazy redneck as I am, and it works LOL...
Just ignore what you can, chew pillows on some, and let your cousin handle the rest :) LOL!
Instead of blocking her on facebook, you could just start ignoring her posts and when she asks just say that you've been busy and haven't had time to play around online. And then hide her from your newsfeed (she won't know that you did). You may not be able to keep her out of your life but at least you won't have to see her online all the time.
@Kit_Kath: I agree. My experience with blocking people that are unstable is not good. I didn't know the better ways to hide their feed and blocking exacerbated the situation. She would rant on mutual friends pages.
Don't you wish everyone could just get along? or at least pretend. haha
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I need to get this off my chest because if not I am going to rant about it to my DH and I really don't want him to hear me talk crap on his mother.
His mother and stepdad just came to visit us. They brought us a late Christmas present, which was a Cedar hope chest they made themselves, which was REALLY nice of them, but that was the ONLY nice part of the visit unfortunatley.
She gave me a late Christmas present too... which WOULD have been sweet.. except that it was the EXACT thing I gave her for HER birthday!!!! She made sure to point that out too (didn't even pretend!!) She let me know that she didn't like it so she decided to give it back to me since i picked it out.
Later, we went to my grandparents house to watch the Superbowl. Kat Dennings (actress on two broke girls) is someone my whole family says I look like, so when a commercial with her came on my cousin said "Look its your clone!" And my MIL said "No, that girl actually HAS breasts!" EXCUSE ME? I HAVE BREASTS, they just aren't watermelons like hers! It was so rude my cousin looked like she wanted to slap her!
Later I was showing my family some of the cars I wanted to get (I hate my car and am saving for a new one). I said hopefully someday I can own one of these beauties.... what did my MIL do? She went out and bought one for herself... I KNOW you guys might think this isn't weird but she does that kind of stuff all the time, and she has NOOOO MONEY!! She sent me a pic to rub it in my face also.
And just now she has started a facebook war with me trying to tell me that every desirable quality my DH has is from HER, which is NOT true because I wouldn't have fallen in love with someone so HORRIBLE!!!!
Rant over. Thanks for reading!