Post # 1
Here’s the thing. He and I have been together for over 5 years. We both are 25. One important thing to mention here is that both of us are from India. In my country, parents, esp a girl’s parents, start getting worried about their daughter’s marriage really early. both of us do not want to get married by 27ish. Reason being we need to get financially stable as I have my student loans and he too wants to help his folks financially. At 25, we have not acieved much on a career front. My mom knows about our relationship but dad does not. I intend to tell him after a while. As far as his folks are concerned, they have a vague idea but he is going to confront them properly once he has a better job. For that he need around 6-8 months. I am fine by it. But in some time my dad is going to ask me to meet guys (India is huge when it comes to arranged marriages. Love marriages are usually frowned upon in the society). When I tell my parenst that I need to be financially stable before I think of marriage, they do not understand my point and say that all that can be dealt with parallely.
I am an overthinker. I know all we need to do is buy time till we get better jobs. But how to deal with this waiting phase in a composed manner and how not to pester him everyday with the talks of marriage? We really want to be together. Please help!!!
Post # 3
@Nishtha: Honesty is probably best…with everybody involved, what you have said about your situation seems reasonable to me and you are an adult…noone can live your life for you and people will only respect you if you tell them the truth….albeit, spoken by someone not familiar with Indian customs, but wishes you the best. Good luck!
Post # 4
@Nishtha: Hi! Brown girl brought up in the U.S. here 🙂
Just curious: Do you live in India? Are you under your parents’ roof? Also, how do you like to deal with these touchy subjects with your parents?
While I’m more open with my parents, even about things they are very upset about (living together before marriage, not getting married until 30 and grad school’s done, possibly not wanting children), many of my friends keep their parents in the dark. Or their parents wear blinders and seem to prefer NOT to know what their kids do/who they date.
If you have an open communication exchange with your parents, tell them about the relationship and then consider sloowly introducing him. Bring him home within a group of friends. Perhaps if your parents know that there’s this smart, sweet guy who just needs a year more, maybe they will hold off on setting you up with people. This could buy you the 6-8 months you need.
If your parents would be very uncomfortable facing your relationship and “delayed” marriage plans, then….distract them. (I can’t believe I’m saying this). Find whatever would keep their minds off fixing you up. If Ma and Pa are into studies and education, tell them you want to go back to school before marriage. Or take classes. Once you’re married, you want to spend time on the relationship, not doing these other things.
In any case, tell them you want to be able to stand on your own two feet, so that if, god forbid, something awful happens in life or in your marriage, you can support yourself. You don’t want to be at the mercy of the man you marry (and sorry, married women tend to decrease their financial indepence more than married men do). Every parent wants his/her daughter to be safe and happy right?