- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Where do I start?
January 2012 – After 12 years of friendship my FI and I began dating. It was a smooth transition, we always flirted and it was obvious that there was chemistry and love between us.
April/May 2012 – The majority of my family met my then BF, since they made such a big deal out of meeting him. My mom had met him many times before because we went to high school together but it’s not like she ever cared who my friends were or about getting to know them. So they met him and he received everybody’s approval which shocked the heck out of me. My grandparents don’t like ANYBODY!
June 2012 – My mother caused a huge rift between our household. She’ll say it’s because I left in the middle of the night & stayed out too late. I was 26…whenever I leave I always text her my whereabouts. It’s not unusual for me to leave in the middle of the night…I work nights sometimes. Before you say well move out, the only reason why I live here is to help my grandparents. Both my grandparents are in their 70s, my grandma had a stroke and is diabetic, my grandfather has to have hip replacement surgery, suffers from arthritis and diabetes; I care for them when I’m not at work, getting and distributing all their medicines to them, buying their grocery and personal items, taking them to doctors appointments (they no longer can drive), etc. My mom is basically just here, she helps sometimes but…I digress. The real issue was because she saw how serious my relationship was, I expressed interest in marriage and this drove her nuts. This same month she jumped up and got an African BF…more on him later.
July 2012 – Met babes parents. I’d seen them around back when we were in high school but they were kinda like my mom, they cared but they didn’t care who his friends were. They did compliment me 🙂 so from what I can tell both sides of our families are happy with our decisions.
August/September 2012 – She introduced us to her African BF but not as her BF, they both stressed how they were just “friends” and were taking it slow. I didn’t care one way or the other. Again I have the responsibilities of taking care of my grandparents so what my mother does I care but I didn’t and don’t have time to put much effort into it. I did know from the beginning there was something off about him…and I was absolutely right.
November 2012 – Then BF and I took a road trip with the family and while out shopping we went looking at engagement rings. He made it known in June/July he wanted to marry me and would casually ask what style of ring would I like so a little bit before the trip my mom had harassed her BF to get her a “friendship” ring. Mind you they still weren’t calling their “relationship” a relationship, that didn’t come until after the trip and after she saw how courteous & attentive my FI was on the trip. FI & I had already decided that Thanksgiving we would be spending that time with his family and as soon as my mother found this out she made plans to go out with her BF because she didn’t want to be left alone with her parents (my grandparents) by herself.
December 2012 – This month was crazy. I’d asked my mother’s BF why he loved my mother and he couldn’t answer. He said he didn’t understand. They both changed their story that they’d been together since June 2012 and then April 2011 and then August 2012 (Sounds like BS). I asked why was she the only woman for him since now they were discussing marriage, again he couldn’t answer. He said to give him a week or so then he’d have an answer…there’s still been no answer. This was the first red flag, how can you want to marry someone but not know why. A few days before Christmas I’d gotten suspicious as to where my FI hid the engagement ring I knew it was around the house but I didn’t know where but I tried to deduce the possibilitieS & verball expressed that to the women in my family (I mean I was happy and you want to express that). I never pried I only thought about it, I waited patiently. This was the hardest few days for me not because I was anxious but because my mom was stressing me out about my relationship. Every plan I’d set for myself she was mimicking. I planned on dating a year and getting engaged and then being engaged for a year and then marrying…she has the same plan. Sometimes you want a mother not someone in competition with you. We had a disagreement the day before Christmas because I expressed a lack of sincerity in her BF. I still believe he just wants a green card but w/e. Christmas Eve I went to my honey’s place and we spent time together and he proposed early Christmas morning I was super excited. Though I was mad at my mom I told her the news first and 2 mins later everyone else in my phonebook knew. FI and I spent Christmas with both my family (first) & his family (afterwards).
January 2013 – Having met my mom’s BF a few times and disliking him I tried to give him another chance. Come to find out he’d lied multiple times. When we met him the first time he’d told my grandparents he’d never been married and had no children. In January he brought up a wife and 2 children, insisted that he told my mother about it in October…doesn’t change the fact that he lied to her and the family for months. Then says he wants to talk to her in person to explain (just to mindf^€* her into believing his BS) that he was never married. He used the word “wife” I never did, and he said he was divorced for 20 years yet called this woman his wife…not to mention he said he moved to the U.S from Africa 12 years ago now the story has changed again since he has a “wife” and 2 children in Europe/Germany which he claims to have left due to the “wife” not wanting him to take his sons to Africa…he claims he had custody…then why couldn’t he take them…and that he’s paid child support…yet he runs from job to job (which my mother helps him get jobs). My mother is desperate to get out of the house and has made that known to my aunt many times that she doesn’t want me to beat her out of the house because she doesn’t want to be responsible for her parents. This situation is frustrating and sad to say the least.
This kinda started out as a rant about everyone imposing on my business about how my wedding should be which still annoys me, if they wanted a wedding they should plan one for themselves but as you can read it ended up being something else….I’ll probably have more to complain about later, lol.