Weddingbee boards

So I've vented about this BM before. I'm going to do it again. Something tells me it won't be the last time. I've known said BM for 10 or 11 years now, and this is just part and parcel of her personality and I've always known this, it just seems amplified because it's my wedding. I don't expect her to change, I'm just annoyed, I'll get over it. 

Here goes: I sent out an email today saying "Hey ladies, these girls have dresses, here's some photos, other girls, here's some places I saw cute dresses, have a peek if you're at the mall. Here's what's going on with me. This is when the rehearsal dinner is, put it on your calendar. xoxo".

Well like 2 minutes later I get an email back from BM that says she can't come to the rehearsal dinner, she has a monthly gig that happens that particular Thursday of every month and basically why didn't I remember that (ummm because I didn't know), and she thought the rehearsal was Friday or Saturday. So clearly I panicked. I emailed her back and said obviously it wasn't going to be Saturday since that was the wedding, and Friday night wasn't very practical since people were staying in hotels closer to the wedding venue (an hour away), and the rehearsal dinner is closer to the city where everyone lives, so I don't want people doing the rehearsal dinner, then driving an hour, then staying up to hang out or whatever, and then being exhausted on our wedding day. Not my dream come true. So we ended up with Thursday, would it be possible for her to find someone to fill in for her?

She emails back. No, no one can fill in, it's her night and she makes a bit of cash off it. Maybe she could set up, rush out to the rehearsal, do it, then rush back downtown to do her gig. Ummm no. She's bloody singing me down the aisle, I don't want her rushing! So I email her back, I tell her the rehearsal is part and parcel of the whole wedding/being a bridesmaid deal, and while I know this is her job, I'll try to accomodate her as best I can, but I can't have her rushing through the rehearsal to run back out somewhere else. It's sort of important to our whole wedding day. Jeez louise.

So now I've had to send an email out to all our wedding party, parents, etc asking if Wednesday would work for the rehearsal and if there were any problems tell me now or forever hold your peace. I'm just really happy I haven't actually booked anything yet, I nearly did last week.

Clearly I know my wedding isn't as important to anyone else as it is to me, but I'm going to lose my mind! Said BM also is going to miss one, if not both, of my showers AND my bachelorette because she decided that each of those weekends would be a good time to book shows and tours. I get it, it's your job (she also has another job, so this isn't her only source of income) but come on. We've been friends for ages, I've been a really giving and supportive friend who has literally pretty much asked for nothing from you and you can't give me just a couple days for my wedding?! Really?! Does anyone else feel like weddings are when your friends (especially BMs) show their true colours? This same sort of stuff happened to my sister when she got married. I'm just so frustrated!!!

End of rant. Thank you.

@Marlew - LOL!!!! You're hilarious!!! Ya I'm just really disappointed by her attitude all around. I mean, she says she's really excited for me, but she's never offered to help, every dress I sent as ideas for the girls was too expensive (all less than $150, she ended up finding a nice enough one at Target for $25 which I'm just going to be fine with rather than creating more drama), she can't come to any events, she didn't want to get her hair and make up done (I put my foot down and said she could do her own makeup since she always does a great job, but I would pay for her hair if I had to), blah blah blah blah blah. This show that she's doing she says she'll make $100. I'll frigging GIVE YOU $100 if you just show up woman!!!! UGH!!!! I'm sensitive to budget concerns etc, but she keeps telling me how she came home to a big cheque from one thing or another in her mailbox, or she went to the casino with her parents and won a bunch of money, plus as I said before, she has a full time job. I think she exaggerates her budget issues a little and it's none of my business why, it's just frustrating. I don't care if she spends $25 or $225 on a dress, I just want her freaking support. I want her to follow her "I'm so excited for you!" with actual actions.

I'm not going to kick her out, I agree with you Moderndaisy, that's pretty extreme. I'm just surprised that she thought I had her whole schedule memorized and seemed shocked that I didn't. I mean, honestly, this girl has always been very "all about me" and that's just something I've accepted. She's wonderful and sweet and can be a very good friend, it just has to be on her schedule in a way. I think everyone has a friend like that. With her, you just accept it and learn to live with it, or you don't be her friend. Clearly it's something I've learned to accept about her as her personality and it didn't bother me much until now. Generally I'm a really giving person, and I've always looked forward to the day it would come back to me, it just hurts to be let down.

@FutureKMM - Trust me, this girl needs to be at the rehearsal. She has trouble focusing a lot, and if she's not there, she's going to be freaking out the day of, and I'm trying to prevent stress for everyone! A lot of the other wedding party doesn't know about her singing me down the aisle (I'm trying to keep it quiet as a surprise for everyone), so it's pretty important that she's there. I'm not asking her to plan her life around my wedding, I'm asking for a bit of support from her really. She can't make anything else wedding related, and I'd really like to have a night with the wedding party where everyone can just relax and have fun together, not having to worry about her getting to the rehearsal on time, then rushing through it chop chop because she has to go again. I realize it's not the end of the world, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating on my end.

@Twista - The rehearsal/rehearsal dinner is at a restaurant closer to everyone since the venue is an hour plus away and not all the wedding party drives. We're arranging car pooling and transit pick ups for those who don't drive to get them to the rehearsal/dinner. I'd already given the girls a heads up about potential dates for the rehearsal dinner, what was a "mandatory" event (which was the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, nothing else) and what was "nice if you're there, sorry if you're not" type of event since not all of them have been in a wedding before (she does not fall into that category, she's been in a few weddings). And I wouldn't say that I'm mad, I'm just frustrated. I can't be angry with her for earning a living, absolutely. I'm frustrated at her lack of communication and support. Things have just been stacking up with her, it's not one instance alone. 

In any case, we're working around it. Wednesday looks like it'll work out for everyone. I'm just glad it came up now rather than when I had it all booked with the restaurant. 

@Miss Chicken - Oh my god the email silence, I totally agree!!!! I've absolutely done my best to be laid back about things (requirement: wear a blue dress, red shoes. I don't care what shade, look pretty when you stand in a row), I try hard not to email often and just to let them be, but when I do email (seriously maybe every 3 or 4 weeks), NO ONE ANSWERS. It's so frustrating!!!! I mentioned it to one of my BMs (she's my mole, LOL!) and she said they all respond to each other, just not to me. Really?! Why would you do that?! I swear you would hear crickets chirping if you asked them about the wedding. I totally agree, it would be great just to get an email saying, "hey, how are you? Do you need a hand, I'm free _____ night, why don't I come over and we can get some stuff done or just catch up!". Ya right. Blegh is right! I actually wrote at the bottom of my last email to them "Hey, drop me a line sometime, you guys are the quietest bridesmaids I've ever seen!". Jeez louise.

So get this. I sent out an email to everyone seeing if Wednesday would work for everyone instead of Thursday, majority of people respond and say yep, sure whatever you want, just say the word and we're there. Then BM calls me totally flustered and somewhat upset, talking a mile a minute. We talk for about 15 minutes about what happened and why and what works best for who and what the expectations are, a conversation we really did need to have. It turns out the Wednesday night is a religious holiday (I didn't know), so Thursday is going to have to work. I mean, she'll likely have to miss the last hour or so of the rehearsal dinner, but I'd rather that than her miss an important evening with her family. Holy hannah. SO ANOTHER EMAIL GOES OUT, survey says dinner is back to Thursday, thanks for the input. Sweet mother, someone get me a glass of wine!!!!