really shy in the bedroom

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@reallyshy_2608:  I found that with a previous boyfriend, I was very shy and had no idea why I was being like that! Upon reflection, I realized that it was because of the pressure I felt with him… He was NOT shy at all, and was always asking me to take charge more. For some reason his constant requests had the opposite effect, and I became even more withdrawn! 

Sometimes when you get stuck in a certain role (even if it is your doing, and only in your own head) it can be hard to break free. Just try very hard to put yourself in his shoes, and realize how exciting it could be for him to see you act more confidently!

With my current SO we are both very vocal and open and honest, and it’s very easy to expose my passionate sexual self to him when the time is right! 

Try making yourself feel sexy too! Buy some lingerie or toys, get a brazilian wax, etc. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@reallyshy_2608:  You can get started indirectly. Set up a candle, some nice music and some masssage oil and offer him a massage. You will not likely get one in return the same evening as he will get turned on and his mund will go elsewhere.

Post # 5
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@reallyshy_2608:  Suprise him one day.  Does he work late?  Ever?  If so, or well even if not, when he comes home be dressed in lingerie and heels.  Look pretty and seductive.  Technically that is the first move and he will more than likely push you into the bedroom or take you right there. Wherever you are.  Dont just be dressed like that laying on the bed though.  You dont want him to come home and do something else while you are in there waiting.  Awkward. 

Post # 6
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How comfortable are you with your boyfriend otherwise?

Post # 7
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

i agree with a previous poster about getting a bit dressed up and surprising him! It seems silly and like it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but it does help to put you in a different, more playful mindset (especially if it’s a costume sort of look like a naughty nurse or a French maid, which gives you a charachter to play so you don’t feel like you have to be YOU sexy, but you can be someone else’s version of sexy). A glass or two of wine really really helps too!

I also find that I’m more open to say something a little naughty when I don’t have to look him in the eye, like if you want to push him against a wall or make him lay down on his stomach (maybe you are are checking his pockets while really copping a feel or massaging his sore muscles at the doctor’s office)! 

If you want to go the costume/roleplay route, I find that choosing a character that’s supposed to be submissive makes it a lot more comfortable for me. For instance, if you were doing French maid, you might ask what in the room needs cleaning, and then just take his direction and keep asking for more (“okay, it’s all clean in here now, is anything else dirty in here, sir?), or if you were being a nurse, you could start by asking him about what hurts and how different touches feel to help you try and “diagnose” his problem.

Just have fun with it and remember not to pressure yourself. He’s going to think its hot no matter how far you choose to take it or however silly or serious you want to make it. It might feel totally cheesy to you, but that’s okay, it’s part of the fun! If you’re only comfortable doing the role play thing for a few minutes, chances are he won’t even notice as things start heating up and he’ll take control and let you just be who you usually are in the bedroom.

Best of luck, and remember, just have fun! No matter how silly you feel, he will looove it!


Post # 8
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

With my first boyfriend I was a virgin, so of course I was shy with him. But it continued throughout the relationship because he never allowed me to take control when we had sex. If I tried he would be like “who taught you that?” or “have you been with someone else?” etc. So this left me insecure and uncomfortable with him. With FI I actually initiated sex the first time with him and he loved it, no complaints. But we are very open with one another, and so I am more comfortable with him.

I think you both need to have a discussion about this. There are some reasons that you feel inadequate or shy. If its your looks then you have to get over it because if he wasn’t attracted to you then he wouldn’t be with you. If its inexperience then you both need to discuss this. And continue to discuss it. If you can’t openly discuss it because you are afraid then write him a letter explaining your feelings. Sometimes things come out better on paper than verbally.

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