(Closed) Really, SO's mom?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

sounds like somebody still hasn’t cut the apron strings and somebody doesn’t want to let him.

Post # 4
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Woof. What did your SO do/say when his mom called him “whipped”? Ugh.

Post # 5
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think your SO needs to sit down with his mother and have a talk with her. Just the two of them. Get everything out in the open. Maybe there is something that can be cleared up or resolved easily but has been causing negative feelings on her part. Letting it go longer will make it worse.

Post # 7
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

She’s threatened she’s losing her son.  Don’t take it too seriously.  It makes her feel better emotionally if you’re “stealing” her son away in her mind instead of her son is “leaving” her.  The woman’s raised him for a quarter of a century. She’ll get used to it eventually– and if she doesn’t, you probably don’t want her around that much anyway.  

Post # 8
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think this sounds like a whole ‘lotta drama and you don’t even have a proposal yet. Maybe instead of letting things get to you so much you should focus on the positive and let him deal with his family. He can only move on when he is ready and obviously he is not ready since he is still staying there and depending on them. 

Post # 11
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

respectfully, your SO needs to stand up to his mom.  my ex boyfriend went to college 4 hours away from his mom and sister and decided to leave his really good school and move back with mom/sis. mom/sis are both spoiled brats that used my ex to their every advantage.  “XX, go get me that” “XX, bring the laundry, up/down/over here” “XX, get a job and contribute to the household since you dont go to school” (dont encoruage him to go to school….just encoruage him to contribute to yourhousehold…) “XX had to quit school and get a job to help pay for XX’s sisters 100k wedding” They were THE MOST selfish and disgusting people I’ve ever met…and he was so obsessed with taking care of them, he gave up his goals and ambitions because he has this old world “I have to take care of my family”…cute, but just working a shitty job and not having a long term goal…not working. In the end, he could never man up and take care of OUR new family and separate himself…and he’s still their little bitch. Now I’m with a man who makes his own decisions…and takes care of our family.


Not saing this is your situation….its not. But your SO clearly needs to take his space from his parents…stop sleping over there even though it may be more convenient.  There are times its more convenient to sleep at my parents house…but I dont because in their eyes it makes me seem still their little girl, still a child. I always leave and go home to my house because I am an adult and I have my own house to go home to. FWIW I think doing your own laundry and not staying over will help create distance bvetween your SO and his mom…and assert your SO as an adult as opposed to her little boy. Why’s he still doing laundry at their house anyway?

Post # 12
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just ignore her. He’s an adult.

What I don’t get is why his 21 year old brother is throwing tantrums about him moving out…is he mad because he wants to move out too? Or because he is upset that your SO left?

Post # 13
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@1stRosie:  respectfully, your SO needs to stand up to his mom…..But your SO clearly needs to take his space from his parents.

agreed. It might be more convenient to do things at his parents’ house, but it’s clear that to cut the strings, he needs to prove his independence from them. He needs to stand up to them and for you if they try to cast you as the villian. 

I also think it’s unlikely that his parents will change their behavior with time. So you need to think about having their interference for the rest of your lives, unless your SO truly shows his willingness to put in some distance………which he is not doing at the moment.

Post # 14
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Did I read this right? His 21 year old brother is throwing temper tantrums? I really hope your SO stands up to his family. Good luck to you both.

Post # 15
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

My husband’s mother tried the same thing.  So long as your SO doesn’t buy into what she’s saying (and it sounds like he isn’t) then you’re fine.  

About 6 months before he proposed; my Mother-In-Law said to me (in front of his entire extended family) that she felt like I was manipulating him into marriage and having children; because she walked in 1/2 way through a conversation with his aunt where I was explaining that early in our relationship he said he didn’t want kids, but the more we talked (over 3 years) he realized that he is ok with the idea of having them, but just wants to make sure we’re not too young (which I completely agree with!). I was LIVID when she said it, and it took me a while to get over it, but my husband just kept reminding me that her opinions aren’t important in our relationship.  He loves me, and she’ll just have to learn to deal with it. 

Lo and behold– 3 more years after that conversation, she’s come around and accepted that I am married to her son and he’s not her 12 year old Greggy anymore (a nickname she continued to use until he was 26!); and now she can hardly wait for us to have kids!

The topic ‘Really, SO's mom?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors