(Closed) Really torn about what type/size wedding to do

posted 5 years ago in South Asian
Post # 3
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d start with your budget.  Sit down and discuss what you are comfortable paying for your wedding and what you’ll need to set aside/save/earn between now and your potential wedding date.

Then, make a ‘dream guest list’- everyone you would invite if funds and space were not issues.

Decide from your master list who MUST be invited (parents, siblings, etc), who you would really, really like to invite (nearest & dearest friends), and who could be cut without starting WWIII (co-workers, distant relatives, acquaintances, etc)

Look at your budget, and figure out approximately how many people you can accommodate, then compare that to your list.

As for venues, it will largely depend on your guest list count.  I wanted to do a cute little Bed & Breakfast but we ended up with nearly 200 guests, so we wouldn’t have all fit in one of my dream venues.  I ended up looking at country clubs which were all inclusive, and decided to serve a lunch meal instead of dinner to save on catering costs.

Also, talk with your FI (and anyone else who will be contributing financially to the wedding) about what kind of wedding they envision, what are the top priorities, and what can be negotiated.  My in-laws really wanted a full open bar, but with our budget we only planned to host beer & wine.  They offered to pay the bar bill so they could have what they wanted.  I wanted a sit down meal, but couldn’t afford dinner, so I decided to have an earlier wedding and host a sit down lunch.  MrDane wanted cupcakes instead of cake and candy bowls as centerpieces, but didn’t really care about the flowers.  We all had to communicate about what we wanted, and what we were willing to compromise on.

Congrats on your engagement, by the way, and best of luck with planning.  Start with budget & guest list, and then communicate openly and honestly with those involved in paying/planning to see if there is a common ground between you 🙂

Post # 5
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@virgomasala80:  How generous of them!  I get that it is nice to have someone else pay for things, but then they get a say… it’s such a double edged sword :/

Could you propose something of a compromise- say, let’s cap the guest list at 100 (or whatever number you come up with) so it’s still a fairly large wedding but not 500 people?  Then see about having the wedding earlier in the day- even a brunch wedding would be fabulous!  A made-to-order omelet station, belgian waffle station, pastry display, and mimosas could be your signature drink.  It can still be really fancy, well put-together, but significantly less expensive than having a sit down meal of filet mignon and an open bar.

Post # 6
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@virgomasala80:  How South Asian are your parents?

If they are super traditional you may fight many many battles in order to have a small, not typical south asian wedding.

From what I’ve found on these boards money can be a huge issue between parents and children. If your parents are footing the bill, they may hold that on your head and you may lose control of the details that you want. 

I’m also South Asian marrying a white, christian guy, but my FI and I will be footing the bill for our wedding but obviously neither one of us wants to disappoint our parents either.

As far as the logistics go I would probably make a list of what are non – negotiables for you as far as the finer details go, eg: you WILL be changing into a white dress (if you’re hindu this may be a big NO NO), you do not want a traditional invitation, you want these foods and will be serving meat(also a possible NO NO). Discuss this with your parents to get an idea of how they will take a non traditional wedding. If they seem accepting then I would consider taking their money on the condition that this is your event and you get the final say.

Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@virgomasala80:  haha! My bad! I just assumed you were the south asian one… Oops 😀

We’re planning one fusion event… like a fusion ceremony and then a more western reception. I’m planning to wear traditional clothing for the ceremony and a white dress for the reception. 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@virgomasala80:  My reasoning is similar to yours. I have a little bit of a bollywood wedding fantasy and I just think that there is nothing more beautiful than a bride in a saree. Nothing screams innocent, beautiful, and sexy at the same time like a saree.

My other reason was totally practical. I want to party hard during my reception and only intend to leave the dance floor when I’m eating and doing the expected niceties of going from table to table talking to everyone. Indian bridal outfits can be very heavy and cumbersome and since I hardly ever wear even a normal saree I figured I’d be way more comfy partying hard in a dress…

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