- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2016
So there has been a spanner in the works regarding my wedding. The venue we chose, we cannot get married in any more (it is being turned into a hotel). We are all very disappointed by it.
So the time has come to find another venue. However, this is where I have an issue.
For some time, I have been feeling increasingly guilty about the wedding. It was going to cost quite a bit (£20,000 at least I believe). My parents are paying for it, as they have offered to do so (they are Indian, it is traditional in India to do so). However, this is what is making me feel guilty. I was thinking it would be easier to have a smaller registry office wedding, with family only, have a meal somewhere and then have a nice big reception later on and invite everyone. If the parents still wanted to contribute something, they could put the money towards a deposit for our next house.
FI is ok with this. I found some nice registry venues in London. However, I suggested this to mum. She just sounded… disappointed I guess? She kept saying she didn’t feel bad and that as long as FI and I were happy, she is happy. But I could just tell. She didn’t want to tell me. Why, I don’t know. She said things like ‘I won’t tell people about it’ (it’s bad etiquette in Indian culture to tell people about a wedding they are not invited to). She didn’t know if she would invite my uncle (her brother) from Singapore, as she doesn’t think it is worth it for a small ceremony if it were at a registry office. She also said that people had already taken leave from their jobs for the wedding, but she will tell them not to if we have a smaller wedding.
I said surely it is more financially sound to put the money towards something more fruitful? Which is why I got a moissanite ring in the first place, to save money. But she said a wedding is only once in your life, and implicitly stated that there should be bells and whistles as a result.
I guess I am torn. On one hand, I would love to have a nice big wedding, go all out, really have fun. But the other half of my brain (as it were) feels bad about the money that would go into this. I feel bad because I feel like if I went down this route, I would let people down (people have taken holiday, people would be offended etc). But I would also feel bad if I used their money for such an extravagent affair (even though they said it is ok). I also have the feeling it is harbouring ill feelings from FI towards my mum, as he thinks she is manipulating me and emotionally blackmailing me. He didn’t feel like he had much of a say before, even though mum and I both told him to send ideas to her. He said he wants to plan the wedding with ME, not my mother (even though they were paying for it).
I feel like I’m trying to please too many people at once and it is driving me insane. I also don’t like the feelings that are developing between mum and FI. What would you guys do? Should I continue with the original plan, or should I go for something smaller? Eloping is not an option, I really want our family to celebrate it with us.