Post # 1
I’m going to TRY to keep this as short as I can for your sake. My fiance and I getting married in October and it looks like his mom, who has cancer, might not be able to make it. It’s really upsetting to both of us, and we are trying to think of what we can do in the meantime, if we could think of something.
One of the main reasons she can’t come is the fact that there will be a lot of people there. She’ll have no immune system at all, and coming in contact with that many people could end in a fever or worse. She’s going through chemo now and they want to at some point between now and mid October start her on a stem-cell transplant, which would require her to have a one month period of isolation. It’s very much up in the air right now because we don’t know when this is going to happen. If she’s within the month of isolation during the wedding there is nothing we can do about it. If our wedding is after her month of isolation she will still need to be clear of big groups of people and will be recovering.
If that is the case, I was thinking the night before the wedding instead of having a very small rehearsal we will actually have a tiny ceremony, and then the next day have the big to-do. I just don’t want her to miss out–she’s been looking forward to this for so long, and just the thought of it was getting her through her chemo, it is so heartbreaking thinking she might not be able to make it.
Does anyone else have any ideas of what we could do?
Post # 3
I was going to suggest what you suggested!
The ceremony is going to be the most important part for her! So have a small ceremony with just immediate family before hand just for her!
And the great thing about it is, god forbid, if she gets sicker sooner you can have the ceremony sooner! So she won’t miss out no matter what!
Post # 4
Can you postpone until after she’s done?
Post # 5
Oh my gosh, how sweet are you?! I’m sending happy thoughts to your FMIL, I hope her chemo and further treatments go well.
This is going to sound silly, but you could arrange for a webcam on your end and a laptop on hers and Skype the ceremony and reception to her? Otherwise, I think the ceremony the night before would mean SO much to her and is so lovely of you to do that for her. You’re a very thoughtful and wonderful daughter-in-law!!
Post # 6
I think having a ceremony the night before sounds very special. Best of luck to your FI’s mom that she will make it through and get better.
Post # 7
I am so sorry about your FI’s mom.
Another suggestion is to have a webcam set up for her, so she can watch the ceremony taking place, and then after you and your FI are “officially” married, take some time out with her and chat with her for a bit. You could even do a toast with her; let her have what she is toasting with with her and you two have your drinks and then toast each other.
In your case, I would also try to budget in a videographer, so you can watch it with her later. With the videographer, she would also be able to see the people at the reception and each of you could make comments about everyone toghether.
Post # 9
First off, I am so sorry she and your is going through this. Can you Skype the wedding for her? A videographer would also work to capture everything for her. I think your idea of a small ceremony for her the night before is so touching and a very special way to share the moment with her.
Post # 10
I like the idea of having a web cam available for her to watch or get a videographer so she can watch the ceremony later.
Post # 11
If you can’t wait until the night before and she needs to go into isolation then the weekend before she goes in get your hair done, wear your dress (even if it’s not altered yet or anything bc really that’s not that important) have your FI rent a tux and have a JP come to the house where she is and have a small ceremony then.
And as a pp said…have someone skype the actual ceremony for her. You don’t even need a computer to do it …cell phones work just as well.
Post # 12
So far I’m thinking the ceremony the night before is probably our best bet, our officiant is the sweetest man I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, given the circumstances.
@MyraG: I would, but at this point, almost everything has been booked and payed for, making it damn near impossible to work around it, I’ve definitely thought about it, but I’m not the one paying for the wedding, my parents are. : as much as they love her, postponing would be an extremely expensive endeavor on their part.
@bakerella: Thank you, thank you!! We need all the prayers and support we can get! She’s the most wonderful lady, it’s just not fair that she has to go through all this when her son is getting married 🙁
Love all the skype/webcam suggestions! We are actually going to try to do that for the bridal shower since she won’t be able to come. The only problem with that is the small chapel I’m getting married in doesn’t have internet connection so that kind of rules that out. We actually don’t have a videographer, and were pretty much against it because sometimes they can be corny, but now I’m kind of kicking myself that we didn’t.
We are thinking, pending the photographer’s OK, it should be fine, because they don’t HAVE a videographer, if a family member or close friend video taped it.
But yes, hopefully she won’t be going through the isolation period during the wedding weekend because then we can’t even have contact with her. Praying this won’t be the case, so right now I’m thinking the mini ceremony will be perfect. Thank you all for your suggestions and support, it means the world!!! <3<3
Post # 13
@GingerCurls: Could you get one of those mobile internet stick thingies that are supposed to get you internet anywhere? Or maybe you have a guest with a smartphone on a 3G network? Then you don’t have to worry about the chapels non-internet issues!
Post # 14
I was going to suggest a small ceremony the night before too! That will probabaly be your best bet so that way she can be there when you actually say I do. And to add some positive light on such a negative situation, you probably won’t be so nervous the day of the big wedding because the most important part will be over!
I also suggest having a close friend or family member videotape it just so that at some point she could watch it.
Good luck with everything, not sure what your beliefs are but I I will be praying for your FMIL!
Post # 15
@bakerella: Oh! I didn’t even think of that! I need to check on amazon for one of those. We might need one for the bridal shower also since I’m not sure if the place we will be in will have connection. Great idea, thank you!!
@FutureMrsSmith: Yes! I thought that too, and we can get all our crying out then too when I don’t have to pose for pictures (I’ll probably still cry, he’ll probably still cry, but probably not as much) 🙂
Thanks so much!! Prayers are prayers regardless, they are well wishes and we are eating them up right now, I really appreciate it, thank you! :hugs!:
Post # 16
May God bless all of you.