Really Upset and Need Advice – Ignored because I can't Attend?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

1. What exactly is B contibuting to this so-called friendship?

2. What makes you want to maintain this “friendship?” What are you getting out of it?

3. You can definitely invite A to your wedding without inviting B.

4. Both of them sound a little imature to ignore you just because you can’t attend B’s wedding.

Sometimes it’s just time to move on.

Post # 3
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Honestly, I would probably invite B to your wedding simply because you’ve been friends for 8 years and you’ve more or less kept in touch. However, I also wouldn’t blame you for not inviting her.  Should you decide not to invite her, I don’t see why that should affect your relationship with A. They’re two separate frienships and one shoudn’t affect the other.

For example, I also had two best friends in college- Kelly and Jen. Since graduating 7 years ago, I’ve remained friends with both of them. Kelly and I live in the same city and have lived in the same city since college so naturally, I see her more often and I would consider her the closer friend. I also stay in touch with Jen and even though we see each other only once or twice a year, I still consider her one of my closest friends. That being said, Kelly and Jen haven’t remained close friends. In fact, they had a slight falling out shortly after college but that did not affect my friendships with either of them in any way whatsoever and it shouldn’t. Their relationship with each other is separate from mine with each of them and I think that’s how it should be. 

When Jen got married, I was in the wedding and got ready with her. Kelly was invited and went but did not get ready with us and she did not feel sour about it. Last year, Kelly got married and I was in her wedding, got ready, etc. Jen was invited, went, and didn’t get ready either. It wasn’t weird for anyone because your wedding is about you and your FI. I think as long as your friends are mature enough, they should be able to handle this with no problem.

I don’t know why your friends have been unresponsive, but I do know that non face to face communication can get distorted and come across as something that it’s not. Maybe they’re busy or maybe they’ve just forgotten to respond. I don’t know. If it’s that concerning to you, I would pick up the phone and call.

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  citysparkle.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  citysparkle.
Post # 4
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s super hard to let go of old friendships esp ones that used to mean a lot. I wouldn’t take B’s actions personally she clearly has a lot going on in her life, although it’s easier said than done. I’m assuming you have other closer friends as you didn’t ask either of these girls to be your bridesmaids? I agree with PP invite friend A to your wedding and cut B from your life, you don’t need that toxicness. If A is as good of a friend as you claim she will manage being friends with you both, if she chooses friend B over you then she sucks haha. No but really I get it, and im assuming you are sorta jealous of how close they are since you mentioned them living closer now. It’s natural to feel hurt and left out but again I don’t think you can take that as something you did, let’s be honest girls are just crazy sometimes and it sucks when you grow apart. I wouldn’t totally write them off, remin friendly and cordial the bigger person if you will, but I wouldn’t go out of your way anymore with friend B.

 

ps:I like chocolate chip cookies 😉 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  BWLE.
Post # 5
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

needadvice123:  I think you can invite A without inviting B but like you said it’ll cause strain on your friendship with A if you invite her and not B.

One thing soneone said to me that made sense when I was going over guest lists and things is to only invite people that you want with you to move onto the next chapter in your life. Those who support you not ignore you. it kind of put it into perspective. Do I really wany B there when i’ve barely spoken to her in months? i was in her city and she couldn’t take 20 minutes out of her day…

I’m a pushover so I would probably end up inviting A and B. I really hope this helps.

Post # 6
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think when people get engaged/married they tend to get nostalgic… for some people it’s a time of reflection.  She has great memories of your time together and is probably hurt that she did give you the plus one for you not only not to come, but to spend the summer on the other side of the country.  She also thinks she’s invited to your special day, and all of that is weighing on her mind. I’d invite her to your wedding, maybe some time will pass and she’ll be in a better place.

Post # 8
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like there is a lot of miscommunication on everybody’s end.  It seems you need to at least have a phone conversation with B and clear up the misunderstanding, and have a heart to heart with A about your wedding, your fears of your friendship breaking up if you don’t invite A, and about the miscommunication that’s been going on.

Just based on your post, it sounds like your friend B has a lot going on in her life.  Unfortunately, life happens and we cannot be there for our friends/loved ones the way we wish we could.  There have been very difficult times in my life, and I’m pretty sure some of my friends would say that I’ve been MIA and non-responsive.  Until you’ve walked a few miles in someone else’s shoes, it’s much better for you to hold off judgment as to why your friends have been unresponsive.  Maybe your friend B really had a lot of sh*t going on in her life that just made her unavailable, but in her heart, she still loves you and holds your relationship as valuable. 

My point is, sometimes you just don’t know what’s going on in a person’s life and until you have a heart-to-heart conversation with them, it might come across like they do not care about you.  I’ve forgotten to email/text people back — sometimes for days, but in no way does it mean I do not care!  A lot of times, if there is a lot of drama in someone’s life they get so wrapped-up in putting out “fires” or struggling to just get through the day, it’s really difficult to “keep in touch” with people and have a chat about what’s going on.  If your friend B still cares about you and wants to be in your life, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and try to clear-up the miscommunication between the two of you.

Post # 9
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

This is a general growing apart friend thought….

I had a couple close friends from school.  But, people grow apart.  Sometimes it hurts but it is part of life.  Now my fi is my best friend through the thick and thin.  Even with stupid fights with my friends he’s always the last one standing there waiting patiently being non judgemental.  He has never wavered or threatened to  take his friendship away from me.  He stands at my side when no one else will.  

I’m making a point here please stick with me for a second…  I also have a new puppy.  This dog will stand at my side again and again even when I’m in a bad mood, don’t pay attention to her or loose patience with her.  She is still my best friend at the end of the day, every day no matter what.  This is what a true friend is, this is what a true friend does.  She has like my fi never attempted to take her friendship away from me.  I respect both of them for this.

I will go out on a limb and say my fi and my dog have been more trustworthy and have more backbone than any of the friends I’ve grown apart from.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  chica95110.
Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors