Post # 1
So i had to go anonymous on this one. honestly i have no idea why i am writing this, maybe to just vent or to get some sort of advice/seeing if someone else have gone through this and made it through.
So I have this sister(I call her C) we have never really been that close but we are a lot closer than we were when we were growing up. After somethings happened she promised she would be there for me and help with wedding once I got engaged. Well I been engaged for a few months now and C hasnt really cared or anything, I live in a different state so I know that is hard but my oldest sister and my FMIL has been helping and everything and they are all in the same state as C 1200 miles from where i live. So i texted pictures when I was trying on dresses and when I finally picked my dress all she said was “cool” Later on I was able to get time off of work and able to go back up to my home state and check out the different places and do other wedding things. i had a schedule of all my appointments and everything i wanted to do and sent it to both my sisters, my FMIL and my father.
Now C has 2 daughters and they are both part of the wedding(jr bm and the flower girl) On the weekend we decided to go and look at dresses for them. my oldest sister came, and when we went to C’s house she was there and the girls were all ready and i asked if she was coming, and she said no that she would see us later at our father’s house for dinner. it hurt but i said alright. well when we got back to our dad’s she and her husband were already there. and everything. my dad and my BIL were asking me how everything was going and what all i still have left to do. C couldnt careless it seemed like.
fast foreward two days, my dad invited C, BIL, the girls, and tells me to invite whoever over and we would have a fire and sit outside and everything since it was my last day there. Well everything is going good, we are all laughing and talking with my friends and enjoying the night. my friends left a bit after midnight because it was a weekday and they all had class/work the next day. after they left C and her friend who i never meet before all of a sudden come up and start talking. and soon they start talking about drugs and everyone in my family knows how i feel because of the past with an ex. that night i learn that C and her friend were being really stupid and so i left and i started to clean my dad’s house some. well C comes in and starts trying to talk to me(mind you she is drunk now) but finally i get really upset and i did go off on her. asking her how can she be so stupid to do some things and knowing she has two daughters and her husband and what we(all of my siblings have gone through) and asking if she wanted her daughters to end up the same way. i just went to bed after that saying i just need some sleep because of an early flight in the morning.
i still havent heard from C since, and its been a month now. im really hurt by all of this plus im so lost because C is my sister but its like i almost want nothing to do with her because of what has happened.
O and that night apparently C has already invited her friend to come to my wedding.
Post # 3
What kind of drugs is she doing?? Your reaction was strong, but I get it as I have a sister who dabbles and it scares the hell outta me. If it were just occasional marijuana I’d be a little less concerned but I strongly suspect its not.
At any rate, she was my obligatory MOH and I wish I hadn’t asked her to do so. She didn’t help me out with anything at all, parties, planning, NOTHING. She was totally selfish and self serving throughout the whole process and even made a drunken fool of heself at the grooms dinner and actual wedding.
I’m not mad at her though, if anything I’ve learned that’s she’s worse than I previously thought and I’m so sad and disappointed.. And worried!! I really regret putting her in a position where she was so visible to our guests, my friends, and In-Laws.. That is my fault..
anyway – talk to your sister, don’t lash out and try and figure out what and why she is using.. If its serious she needs your support, not your shunning.
Post # 5
@Starling13: Its marijuana and I wish it was just using. Thats the real reason why I am upset about all of it. I would still be a little upset with her using(as long as she isnt around my nieces doing it) and it is this friend that got her into that is now invited to my wedding.(it also could be shrooms but i am not sure about that. They were talking about them and everything like they might be using them too). I am sorry about your sister. My oldest sister is one of my BM but this one isnt in the actual party. Though we have her walking with our father and dancing with him during the group dance(our mother past when we were young)
@BrandNewBride: It’s next year june.
Post # 6
@anonymous4012: I was hoping our wedding was a 2015 wedding or a 2016 wedding, and that maybe she was blowing it off because it was so far away!
But June 2014 is getting pretty close! So I’m sorry she’s being a non-supportive jerk.
My sister’s been dating a “dealer” for the last 5 years. It’s horrible and I hate it! So I’m sorry you’re RELATED to that mess!
As far as her friend, I’d make it ABUNDANTLY clear when invites go out that her friend is NOT invited. Hopefully it was a drunk invite and no one even remembers it!
Post # 7
@BrandNewBride: It’s coming up really fast and still so much to do. Thanks though and I’m sorry about your sister BF. My FI already said that if she does come then he will have his BM take care of it, though I told him I really do not want any problems but he said that this friend is and if anything he will let the venue know and will make sure she isnt there. I have told her and my father that I do not want her there at all too.
Post # 8
@anonymous4012: If I were you I would reach out to her and apppgize for your reaction. Let her know that you are just concerned for her wellbeing and that you are coming from a place of love. I don’t smoke marijauna at this point in my life but my Mom and Sister both do.. Im okay with it being done recreationally or even medicinally, but habitual users kind of ick me out so I don’t really associate with them..
If i were you i would Just call her and talk to her without judgment – keep in mind that in this world here are far worse things that she could partake in.
This is just my 2c
Post # 9
I just saw the part about the shrooms – GROSS! I’ve done them in the past (I was exposed to a lot of things thanks to a gross ex myself) and they are horrid! I don’t care what anybody says about them being natural – they ARE damaging and take their toll on somebody’s brain / body. My tolerance of that stuff is absolutely zero. Imagine my horror last year when my mom was talking about how she wanted to try them for the first time and she was thinking about getting it from / doing it with my sister!!??!!
Anyway.. how old is your sister?? As a mom of two with a hubby she seems a little old to be doing that stuff, IMO. What about her husband? What’s his stance?
Post # 10
@Starling13: I apologized before I left telling her I just care about her and also about my nieces. She just turned 30. She had my oldest niece right before she turned 17 by a loser who isnt in the picture/never really was. She didnt help take care of/raise my niece the first 2 years my mother and my oldest sister did. I think the biggest thing is this other girl that she hangs out with that is closer to my age(Im going to be 22) I think she is 25 or something like that. But her husband gets upset and tells her but he works all day/weekends and makes sure that both girls have everything. In some ways she doesnt seem like she grew up really but I get upset because of my nieces and I dont want anything to happen to her because we lost our mother when I was just 16 and I do not want the girls going through that at all.(Wheather it be jail or dead)
Post # 11
So the drugs and the lack of wedding excitement are totally separate issues.
As far as your sister’s lack of enthusiasm about your wedding, it sucks, but I think you just have to deal with it. You can’t force her to be excited and want to help. Luckily, it sounds like you’ve got a supportive sister and mother, so I’d just leave wedding talk to them and not bother your sister about it.
As far as the drug use goes, I think that you can express your concerns and lt her know that you can’t condone anything happening around you. But then you have to let her be an adult and make her own decisions. Unless she is endangering her daughter, I don’t think you can make her stop the drugs. She has to be the one to want to stop.
Sorry that doesn’t sound too helpful, but I would try to just not let her get to you. If she doesn’t get all OMG about your dress, it’s not the end of the world. Just set your expectations for her low and then you don’t have to be disapointed. And there are plenty of bees that can share in your excitement!