Really want to have a baby before marriage… Opinions?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Should we have a baby now?
    No. It's not worth it. : (112 votes)
    77 %
    Yes, it's your decision. : (33 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2278 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    If you’re scared of losing your family, I think you should stand up to them &/or not worry about their opinions ..or just wait another year & a half.  You’ll still be young haha.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Why can’t you get married now then have a baby? Is it really worth upsetting your family that much to have a baby now?

    Post # 4
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Like you said, this is a really personal decision. But for me, it was important to me to get married before getting pregnant. is there a reason that you can’t get married sooner? October 2015 is quite a while from now. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3340 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I agree with PP. Why not get married sooner if you don’t want to wait to have a baby?

    Post # 6
    Member
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Why not have a small wedding sooner?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Having a new baby while doing last minute planning and having the actual wedding might be a little stressful. Why can’t you move your wedding up? 24 is still really young, I’m 25 and am due in a couple months and I still feel like a very young mother to be… so if you do wait til you’re 25 or 26 I promise that’s still a young age. At the end of the day, it’s up to you, not anyone else.

    Post # 9
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’d say just wait on the baby.  You’re young, you have time.  But if you really can’t wait…have a smaller ceremony and then a larger one with FI’s brother being best man later.  I mean, it’s your life.  But disowned?  Is it worth it just to have a baby 1.5 years earlier?

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  SamEatsBrains.
    Post # 10
    Member
    6028 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    What’s stopping you from marrying sooner? Seems a bit odd that you’d spend a year and a half planning and preparing for a wedding, which is only one single day, but not spend at least that amount of time planning and preparing for a child which is a major lifestyle change and an 18-year commitment.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6875 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    Maybe reach out to your mom and talk to her about how you’re feeling. Tell her you’ve been really getting baby fever and gauge her reaction, then go from there. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4764 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    What’s the rush with having a kid?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1515 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    alpinebride:  Ultimately, it’s your choice but given that you’re only 24 (I say “only” because I’m 29 and still in no rush for babies), waiting until youre 25/26(still young) after the wedding seems like the logical choice.

    The potentially upset family members would be irrelevant to me, unless it was someone I was very close to. If it was a semi-distant aunt/uncle etc, forget their opinion, it’s your life an you need to do what works for you guys.

     

     Having a little one and doing all the last minute wedding stuff sounds stressful and not to mention, you may not get preggers right away; theres the potential you could be due on or close to your wedding date;  and if you have the baby shortly before the wedding, you may not be back in the shape you want to be in for your big day(this may not be a big deal to you, but it is to many brides so I thought I would mention it).

    My biggest question: What does your FI think? You said, you guys were stable etc but you haven’t mentioned his thoughts on the matter. Does he want a baby right now or does he want to wait? That would be the biggest deciding factor for me.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    You are still really young at 24. Personally, I would just wait. October 2015 isn’t that far away. If you really can’t wait then just move the wedding forward and have FBIL as an usher. Better to disappoint FBIL than to have your whole family angry with you.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    On the one hand, I am the person who couldn;t possibly care less about family opinions. So for me, they would not be a factor in the least bit. That said, from a practicality standpoint, I wouldn’t want to be planning a wedding while pregnant, and dealing with all of the last minute details with a small baby. For that reason, if moving the wedding forward is not an option you are willing to entertain, I would probably wait and start trying to get pregnant no more than 3-4 months before the wedding, or even wait until afterwards.

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