REALLY want to move, but…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I...?
    Suck it up. He'll resent you for making him move. : (0 votes)
    Keep trying to convince him. Maybe he'll come around. : (10 votes)
    100 %
    Other (explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    13005 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    He may be happy in Minneapolis, but he could be just as happy if not happier elsewhere.  If his main reason for not moving is the process, then he should learn to get over it and consider your feelings.  If he wont be miserable elsewhere, but you are miserable there, sounds like the fair thing to do for the welling being of you two as a couple should be to move.How far is his mother from you guys?  Do you see each other a lot?  Would it still be feasible to see her fairly often if you moved?

    Post # 3
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee

     

    laurabora:  I feel your pain! I’m 30 minutes south of the TC and this winter has been brutal. FI plows, and works a full time job- the money is good, but the sleep isn’t! I hate winter- I love WATCHING hockey, but not playing. The only fun I’ve had this winter is snowmobling. Other than that, I always look forward to the short spring, summer and fall that we have. I understand your point, along with his as all of my family is here. My closest cousin who use to live a mile from me, recently moved out to CA to be with her boyfriend. She did leave all of her friends and family, but is doing very well out there, and she is happy. Constantly sending videos of the beautiful sunny beaches, etc. It was tough at first, but we talked, text, and skyped quite a bit and still do. Plus, she comes home quite often. If this is something you REALLY want, you and your To-Be should sit down and have a real discussion. Make lists of pros and cons of each area, yes moving sucks but there are ways to make it easier. Regardless, moving that far is a really big step and you both have to be 100% on board- fingers crossed that you two can make something work!

    Post # 4
    Member
    4797 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    laurabora:  Oh boy, that’s a tough one! And psssst, it’s snowing! Lol! I live and work in the TC. I’d move to the PNW in a heartbeat if I could!! I lived in Nor Cal for years and loved it!! It does rain a lot up there, but at least it’s not snow! I agree with Katie918:. Have a good, long mature talk with him and let him know you are serious about it. Would it be an option to live in both places? Oh man, that’d be awesome! Winters there, summers here? And yeah, in that talk, see what the options would be for coming back to Mpls for lots of visits throughout the year. Oh, and I’m guessing you’ve checked into the cost of living? It’s really high in the Bay Area and I can only assume it’s pretty high in the NW, too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4797 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    laurabora:  PS- one thing I’ll say I missed when I was there (in Nor Cal) were the very nice people in the Midwest and …. wait for it … the 4 seasons. No lie! Lol!

    Post # 6
    Admin
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

    Instead of framing the decision as Minneapolis vs. Pacific Northwest, maybe try brainstorming together for a place that you would both like to live. Omaha was the first place that came to mind for me – still a city with cultural events, close to Iowa, not as freezing cold – but I don’t know the Midwest very well.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I can understand his hesitation. But to me, extreme unhappiness trumps happiness. As a PP said, if you’re a happy person in general, it’s easy to be happy in various places. If you have issues with something, it’s harder to just “get over them” and be happy.

    Do you actually ever go see his family that is in Iowa? His friends shouldn’t keep him there imo. He’ll make new ones, and people DO fly.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I get where you’re coming from, and we are going to move. We both have great jobs here, and a lot to lose (like my family is here too), but I am just miserable here. I can’t stand the cold (it’s worse than where you’re at!) and I just don’t want to spend my life in a city I despise.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    laurabora:  haha yeah if that’s what he likes he will find plenty of that here! (seattle). Maybe ask him to try it out for a year? Especially since he doesn’t have to risk giving up his job. 

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