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Has anyone else ever had competition with sisters or brothers about what to name their children? We picked out our future kids' names for fun a few years ago, and had decided on Noah James for a boy. Well, FMIL tells us about a year later that FSIL & FBIL picked that exact same name. (Noah has no significance, James is FFIL's name.)
So R & and I decided that we're fine giving up Noah, but we'd like to name our boy, if we have one, James. We're probably going with Riley for a middle name, as it's a family name on my dad's side. Will that be weird if their son's middle name is James?
It's really important to us to use the name, because both R and I are really close with FFIL. We'd never consider asking them to change their planned name, but do you think it will upset them at all if we use the name as well?
I know this sounds silly, but it's one of those things I don't feel like I can ask anyone else. Both R and I wonder about it.
I think it's fine if they have the same middle name. That's so random that they picked the same names as you guys! Solid name choices, though.
Haha! My sisters and I ran into this problem! I ended up pregnant and my sisters both said that I couldn't use their names when I tossed them around! I decided on something different than one of "their" names. My one sister wants to name her son our father's name, and I wanted his name in my son's name too, so I found it in a different language. No one really knows that is was his name means, but we do, so its special to us :)
I could see this happening for SURE in my family! Especially over my grandmothers name, with that said there's a LOT of drama between siblings and cousins, for the most part it would be easily talked out but I could see a few having feuds over it. I'd say the smartest thing is talking to your FSIL and FBIL about it but probably when the time comes, you don't know for sure that you'll have boys and besides if their son's middle name is James I'm guessing they'll be fine with that I've definitely heard of families where people have the same middle names. Maybe you guys will be close with him and it will seem even more appropriate? You never know.
Name your baby what you want. Both my niece and her cousin share a middle name and if we have boys, my brother and I will both name them, either first or middle, after our deceased father, which is the same name my boss just gave his son last week.
I know some people are really territorial about the names they choose, but at the end of the day, it's your baby who will be it's own little person with it's own little personality and that's what's really important.
Every single male in my family (on both sides) has the same name. I think sharing a first and middle name among cousins is no big deal. :)
I don't think that's weird at all. In my family, there are about 3 or 4 cousins with variations on the same name!
My family is going to go with a first come first serve philosophy when it comes to baby names. My step mom, who I am very close with, is twice widowed. My step sister's dad passed away when she was young and my dad passed away a few years ago. Both of our fathers are named Scott (not kidding). So of course, I imagine that the first boy is going to be named Scott, it's just a matter of who has a boy first.
i don't think its that werid for them to share a name, but then again, almost all the women on my mom's side of the family share the same 2-3 different middles names (different first names, sort of, but its always one of 3 middle names).
Thanks everyone, this is making me feel better! I'm an only child, so it's a totally new problem to me. We kind of went through this with their wedding, too, but I didn't really care about that. It's just a wedding! Kids names are more important to me, and they've been up front about the fact that they want kids within the next four years. We're waiting at least 7 years.
My cousin and I share the same (family) middle name and it's not a big deal!
Just a quick clarification... we would be using FFIL's name for our son's first name, and (I assume, if they still plan on using their original name) they'd be using it for their son's middle name.
I don't want them to feel like we "one upped" their name or something.
It would definitely be fine! My FI's family is full of people with some combination of the same three names b/c they had such a strong family tradition of using those three names. In fact, his middle name is the same as his own brother's first name.
I can totally see my sister and I have some conflict over names in the future, as we will likely both want to name children after my father and grandparents. But, I'm trying to not get too stressed in advance since it is likely awhile off!
Personally I wouldn't care, but I will say that my dad and his first cousin (who's female!) have almost the same name, one letter different. His cousin was born a few months before he was, and my grandmother (who had not, to my knowledge, even told anyone which name she'd picked) always insisted that the BIL's wife had picked the name knowing she wanted it, and harbored a grudge for years. Pretty crazy, and neither my dad nor his cousin ever cared (plus, both names were SUPER common in their generation!)
However---you say neither of you is expecting right now, so you could both change your plans a LOT in 4-7 years! Wait until after their child is born and see which name they actually pick (for all you know, they'll have all girls!)---and THEN wait until you're expecting and know you still definitely plan to use it before even thinking about it again. At that point, if they have a toddler with it as his middle name, it's an easy conversation to say "hey, we were contemplating using it as a first name now that we know we're having a boy....just wanted to see how you felt about that (or just wanted to let you know)!" It's the hypothetical conversation that's far more likely to hurt feelings, so I wouldn't spend any time thinking or stressing about it right now.
Yes! It is so aggravating. I understand that no one "owns" a name, but I am a completely devoted namenerd. I have had "favorite name lists" for YEARS. My absolute favorite name is/was James, and while visiting FI's sister over Thanksgiving, we got to talking about names. His mom gave me a look when I mentioned liking Henry in general so I told her not to worry because James is our number one favorite, at which point FSIL said something to the effect that of "too bad" for us because they're going to use it first! I was floored as they'd previously mentioned liking the name Jonathan. None of us are TTC yet, but they will definitely beat us to it, and I sort of suppose that would be fair. I mean, for all I know, I'll never even have a boy. But it was just so stunning that she would say it like that. Obviously, no one knew the other liked it, but I really thought she handled it poorly by just essentially putting me in my place midconversation.
Don't even get my started on my other favorite names -- Nicholas, used by his brother's ex-girlfriend on the kid she claims is FI's brothers though is decidedly not but the name now has those connotations, and my former number two top choice, Oliver, which is the brand of tractors that his farm family has used for generations. Seriously, my top three names. Henry and Asher are all I have left. .... end vent. :P
Moral of the story -- whoever has the baby first gets the name, even if it sucks for us. :( Noah James is such a great combo, and what are the chances that you'd like the exact same name! I think it would be fine for the middle name to overlap with the first name. I really think that is common for family names anyway.
The father of my cousin's baby absolutely loved the name Bradley. She didn't like it as much, so they used it as a MN. Fast forward like ten years, and he has another son with the first name, oh yes, Bradley. Now that is a little awkward I think!
i haven't with my friends, being that im the first to get married except for one other (and they dont have kids yet)
but FI and his best fought over the name brandon... fi's best named his first son that... and FI still to this day swears that he stole it ... but it's also a common name so we don't really believe him LOL
We, too, are using family names... which means that other women in the family share the names. I did ask the person in the family that I'm closest to (who shares the name) if she minded, and like the amazing person she is, she said it would be an honor.
Granted, everyone else has used it as a middle name and we're using it as a first name, but this will be the third girl with it :)
I don't think it's weird at all. Between my uncles, cousins, and nephews they all have some variation of my deceased grandfather's first or middle name as either their first or middle names. I especially think that if there is meaning behind names versus just being a favorite there shouldn't be a problem.
Thanks everyone! I don't feel so weird about it now.
Watch, though, they'll decide they've changed their minds and like James better as a first name. :P
You just validated why I refuse to share my baby names with anyone but my fiancee! If a family member chooses one of our names first, it will be out of sheer coincidence and I'll have to let it go, because I'll know that it wasn't because my name was "stolen".
Mandstan- that's why we only told the one person who's blessing we wanted. I haven't even told anyone on the internet :)
In some cultures, it is actually common for certain family members to name their children after other family members. My old roommate's family is from Italy, and almost all of her boy cousins that are oldest in their family are named after her grandfather, so there are multiple "Tony" cousins (her dad was the youngest so he used it as her brother's middle name). I don't think it's weird at all.
I think you could ask if they would mind, see what they say. It totally depends on the person (AND how long since the baby has been born). I think new parents are more "territorial" about names than parents with older children.
My nephew's name is Gabriel which is my DH's FAVORITE name of all time. But my DH didn't want to use it since my brother already did. Then we came up with James, but my other nephew has James as a middle name. Although my brother wouldn't mind AT ALL if we used it, it bugged ME a little. So we just kept looking until we found a name that wasn't already taken.
The only time we had an "uh oh" moment is when my MOH said that her FH had already picked a name if they ever had a son. It was the same name my DH and I had chosen if WE were having a boy! I didn't say anything until that night, but then I told her that was the name we picked too, and not to tell her FI so that he wouldn't have the same mind-block we had about a name "already being taken" (as if there are NO other people on earth with that name!).
FI's grandfather's name is James & his dad and all of his uncles have James as a middle name. & a few of them even named their sons james. oh & Fi's middle name is James too.
haha so no, i dont think its a big deal at all (:
i have two cousins - brothers - and their kids names are:
Tyler Michael
and Dillon Tyler
so - two cousins - tyler and dillon - dillon has the middle name of his cousin. no biggie at all. :)
Definitely not a big deal - I'm the middle name person in this situation! My middle name is Emilie (my great-grandmothers name) while my cousin's first name is Emilie. I've never heard of any strife surrounding the issue :)
@lemilie - I love your name. That's the prettiest way of spelling it.
I'm glad to hear it's totally normal for cousins to have overlapping names.
I swear, family politics are so weird. FSIL got mad because R's backup plan (if he doesn't get into vet school) is to do an accelerated RN program. She's upset because she thinks he shouldn't do nursing because she doesn't like it, but it's what FMIL wanted them to go into. Go figure.
I think its fine! I am in love with a girl name, I've had it for about 6 yrs now. Mind you I didn't even know my DH then but the first name is my favorite character in a book that means a lot to me and the middle name is my sister who raised me so it would be Alexis "Lexi" Michelle. Honestly I would be so devasted if someone stole this, silly yes, but I've dreamed of it so long. Then comes along DH and goes so well with his last name. I have some boys name I love, one being the town we got married in. His cousin is prego now and we are TTC so we will see.
I think if is the same family is totally ok!! My FI family has love to put same names to their children so I don't think is a big deal.
Me in the other hand, if its a girl I want to put the name I always used for my dolls!! ;)
Pfft. At least you don't have a FI who is obsessed with naming a baby "Tiberius" or "Socrates". Consider yourself lucky
This actually happens quite a bit (one family has first name that is the same as anothers middle, or sometimes even first as well)
I make fun of my husband because his first name is the same as his brothers middle name. The name actually has no significance to the family & I joke with him and say his parents just didn't want to think of something else so they just took his brothers middle name & made it his first :)
Like Mrs. DG, the only person besides the hubs that know our DD's name is my Mom. My hubs and I had come up with this name a long time ago and there is a meaning as to why we picked this certain combination so it would be heartbreaking to know some one "took" it. Because it is a unique name, the others would have to be super creative to come up with this name which is why I hinted that they would have taken it.
Since there are many of my family members having girls just before us, this whole thing has made us nervous and got out of hand so we have decided to reveal the name at the shower so everyone hears it. If someone runs off with the name, people will notice. Even if they somehow take it, our daughter will still have the name we picked.
Now for your situation, I think you are totally fine. Using another's middle name as your child's first name is totally different then using someone's first name as a first name. If you are really concerned, just ask the other person but I honestly do not think it is necessary.
I don't think it's a big deal. And about the other name...I think if you're waiting seven more years you'll probably change your mind anyway, so (I know you said you were okay with it anyway but just saying) Noah won't be a huge loss and at least you'll still have James! :)
It's really common in my family. On both sides. Did you ever see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" You know the part when the Greek dad introduces his family as "my brother Nick, and my cousin Nick, and Nick, Nick, Nick, and Nikki?" We're not that bad, but it's pretty close! lol So far my first cousin and I are planning on naming a boy after my grandpa.
I joke with my sister that she "stole" a name for her new baby that I wanted to use if I ever had a son. It's his first name, so it's not like I could also use it, but she had her baby first so I guess she got dibs. I just figured that maybe I'll change my mind when we actually have kids, and shoot, there's no way to know if I'll ever even have a son anyway.
I agree with everyone else- a first name the same as someone else's middle name is no big deal! In fact, I have cousins with the first names Kristie, Kristin, & Christian... and no one ever thought anything of it... so middle names would really not matter in my family. However, I know where you are coming from- names are such a sensitive issue. I am preggers now, with a boy, and had already told everyone my boy and girl names before I found out. Now it is kind of bugging me that someone else in my family (and I have a big one with lots of cousins/step-siblings/etc. in their child-bearing years) will get the girl name before I have a little girl... and I really, really love the girl name.
We're lucky name stealing doesn't really exist on my side. Everyone in my family is named after everyone else. I swear there's only like 7 names in our whole family - just different combinations of them. LOL
Plus, you have to know how to figure out who you're talking about. James is a big one in my family too.
If my cousin asks "Where's Uncle Jimmy?" - he means my grandad's brother.
If my nephew asks "Where's Uncle Jimmy?" - he means MY brother.
Then there's a bunch of others who have it as their middle name. It's weird I know.
FSIL, FI's cousin and I all love the name "Molly". It was FI's grandmothers name and I just love it. I really wouldn't care if there were 3 Molly's running around because they'll all have different last names, so it doesn't really matter.
if it's a common family name, i can't see a problem. Now, if you told them you were going to name your kid Thunder Cat and they went ahead and did that, it'd be more than coincidence and they'd be jerky for doing it. But a nice fam name? no problems. How many Johns, Josephs, etc run in everyone's families?
With respect to Miss Burgundy's comment- Mr. DG was hoping for boy twins so he could name them Optimus and Megatron... Dodged a bullet on that one!
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