Post # 1
Has anyone else ever had competition with sisters or brothers about what to name their children? We picked out our future kids’ names for fun a few years ago, and had decided on Noah James for a boy. Well, FMIL tells us about a year later that FSIL & FBIL picked that exact same name. (Noah has no significance, James is FFIL’s name.)
So R & and I decided that we’re fine giving up Noah, but we’d like to name our boy, if we have one, James. We’re probably going with Riley for a middle name, as it’s a family name on my dad’s side. Will that be weird if their son’s middle name is James?
It’s really important to us to use the name, because both R and I are really close with FFIL. We’d never consider asking them to change their planned name, but do you think it will upset them at all if we use the name as well?
I know this sounds silly, but it’s one of those things I don’t feel like I can ask anyone else. Both R and I wonder about it.
Post # 3
I think it’s fine if they have the same middle name. That’s so random that they picked the same names as you guys! Solid name choices, though.
Post # 4
Haha! My sisters and I ran into this problem! I ended up pregnant and my sisters both said that I couldn’t use their names when I tossed them around! I decided on something different than one of “their” names. My one sister wants to name her son our father’s name, and I wanted his name in my son’s name too, so I found it in a different language. No one really knows that is was his name means, but we do, so its special to us 🙂
Post # 5
I could see this happening for SURE in my family! Especially over my grandmothers name, with that said there’s a LOT of drama between siblings and cousins, for the most part it would be easily talked out but I could see a few having feuds over it. I’d say the smartest thing is talking to your FSIL and FBIL about it but probably when the time comes, you don’t know for sure that you’ll have boys and besides if their son’s middle name is James I’m guessing they’ll be fine with that I’ve definitely heard of families where people have the same middle names. Maybe you guys will be close with him and it will seem even more appropriate? You never know.
Post # 6
Name your baby what you want. Both my niece and her cousin share a middle name and if we have boys, my brother and I will both name them, either first or middle, after our deceased father, which is the same name my boss just gave his son last week.
I know some people are really territorial about the names they choose, but at the end of the day, it’s your baby who will be it’s own little person with it’s own little personality and that’s what’s really important.
Post # 7
Every single male in my family (on both sides) has the same name. I think sharing a first and middle name among cousins is no big deal. 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t think that’s weird at all. In my family, there are about 3 or 4 cousins with variations on the same name!
Post # 9
My family is going to go with a first come first serve philosophy when it comes to baby names. My step mom, who I am very close with, is twice widowed. My step sister’s dad passed away when she was young and my dad passed away a few years ago. Both of our fathers are named Scott (not kidding). So of course, I imagine that the first boy is going to be named Scott, it’s just a matter of who has a boy first.
Post # 10
i don’t think its that werid for them to share a name, but then again, almost all the women on my mom’s side of the family share the same 2-3 different middles names (different first names, sort of, but its always one of 3 middle names).
Post # 11
Thanks everyone, this is making me feel better! I’m an only child, so it’s a totally new problem to me. We kind of went through this with their wedding, too, but I didn’t really care about that. It’s just a wedding! Kids names are more important to me, and they’ve been up front about the fact that they want kids within the next four years. We’re waiting at least 7 years.
Post # 12
My cousin and I share the same (family) middle name and it’s not a big deal!
Post # 13
Just a quick clarification… we would be using FFIL’s name for our son’s first name, and (I assume, if they still plan on using their original name) they’d be using it for their son’s middle name.
I don’t want them to feel like we “one upped” their name or something.
Post # 14
It would definitely be fine! My FI’s family is full of people with some combination of the same three names b/c they had such a strong family tradition of using those three names. In fact, his middle name is the same as his own brother’s first name.
I can totally see my sister and I have some conflict over names in the future, as we will likely both want to name children after my father and grandparents. But, I’m trying to not get too stressed in advance since it is likely awhile off!
Post # 15
Personally I wouldn’t care, but I will say that my dad and his first cousin (who’s female!) have almost the same name, one letter different. His cousin was born a few months before he was, and my grandmother (who had not, to my knowledge, even told anyone which name she’d picked) always insisted that the BIL’s wife had picked the name knowing she wanted it, and harbored a grudge for years. Pretty crazy, and neither my dad nor his cousin ever cared (plus, both names were SUPER common in their generation!)
However—you say neither of you is expecting right now, so you could both change your plans a LOT in 4-7 years! Wait until after their child is born and see which name they actually pick (for all you know, they’ll have all girls!)—and THEN wait until you’re expecting and know you still definitely plan to use it before even thinking about it again. At that point, if they have a toddler with it as his middle name, it’s an easy conversation to say “hey, we were contemplating using it as a first name now that we know we’re having a boy….just wanted to see how you felt about that (or just wanted to let you know)!” It’s the hypothetical conversation that’s far more likely to hurt feelings, so I wouldn’t spend any time thinking or stressing about it right now.
Post # 16
Yes! It is so aggravating. I understand that no one “owns” a name, but I am a completely devoted namenerd. I have had “favorite name lists” for YEARS. My absolute favorite name is/was James, and while visiting FI’s sister over Thanksgiving, we got to talking about names. His mom gave me a look when I mentioned liking Henry in general so I told her not to worry because James is our number one favorite, at which point FSIL said something to the effect that of “too bad” for us because they’re going to use it first! I was floored as they’d previously mentioned liking the name Jonathan. None of us are TTC yet, but they will definitely beat us to it, and I sort of suppose that would be fair. I mean, for all I know, I’ll never even have a boy. But it was just so stunning that she would say it like that. Obviously, no one knew the other liked it, but I really thought she handled it poorly by just essentially putting me in my place midconversation.
Don’t even get my started on my other favorite names — Nicholas, used by his brother’s ex-girlfriend on the kid she claims is FI’s brothers though is decidedly not but the name now has those connotations, and my former number two top choice, Oliver, which is the brand of tractors that his farm family has used for generations. Seriously, my top three names. Henry and Asher are all I have left. …. end vent. 😛
Moral of the story — whoever has the baby first gets the name, even if it sucks for us. 🙁 Noah James is such a great combo, and what are the chances that you’d like the exact same name! I think it would be fine for the middle name to overlap with the first name. I really think that is common for family names anyway.
The father of my cousin’s baby absolutely loved the name Bradley. She didn’t like it as much, so they used it as a MN. Fast forward like ten years, and he has another son with the first name, oh yes, Bradley. Now that is a little awkward I think!