Weddingbee boards

We never wanted a Jack n' Jill....

I had a Bridal Shower last month and from the beginning I told my FMIL that I did NOT want a J&J because it seemed greedy to have both a J&J and shower.  She INSISTED we have one - we caved and finally said that we would hold one but we wanted nothing to do with the planning.  She agreed - said it would be their (FMIL and FFIL) thing and not to worry about anything.....

Well our J&J was this weekend.....

My family lives an hour or more from the site of the J&J so only a handful of family and friends from my side were able to come.  Many of our friends work odd hours at work and don't always have weekends available due to work obligations.

We sold 50 tickets and 40 people showed - our "friends" are somewhat flaky and many of them said hey were coming and didn't show up or bought tickets but didn't come....

FMIL order enough food for 100 people - we told her not to order so much but she insisted.  Well, the in-laws complained how they had spent so much money on food and no one came...blah blah blah.....

We made over $1500 from tickets, 50/50 raffle, and other raffle prizes.....we received NOTHING!!  FI was soooo frustrated w/ how his parents kept complaining that we told them to keep the money to cover the costs of the food (Mind you, we had about $500 donated to go towards some food and food prep person AND we had it outside, BBQ stlye - nothing fancy).  In-laws said they broke even and there was no money left over to give to us.....

Now, I may be wrong here, BUT.....

If someone offers to throw you a J&J isn't it THEIR responsibility to pay for it? 

That does not seem legit to me, no offense meant to your FILs. People bought tickets assuming the money would go to you as a couple, not to cover the cost of the party. I don't think your family/friends would be pleased to know where their money went. I'm not sure what can be done now since you told them to keep the money, but it might be worth talking to your FILs or having your FI talk to them about it. If they offered to throw and plan the party, they should have been willing to cover party expenses and not take it out of the gifts. I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this! It's a tough situation!

The thing is, its not even worth talking to them about it because of the other crap they have going on (upcoming surgery, son and grandchildren living with them, etc).  About a year ago they offered to pay for our flowers and now that its coming up, I wonder if they will still do so....

I'm not money hungry by any means - we are paying for the majority of the wedding on our own (my parents and my gramma have offered NUMEROUS times to pay things and they have been turned down by us because they have been more than generous....).  I just feel that if you've offered, you should go through with it.

You definitely are not coming across as money hungry! Don't worry! I agree one hundred percent that if you offer something like that, you should follow through. And that if guests give money thinking it goes to the bride & groom, it should go to the bride & groom. Sounds like, with all that's happening, you just have to write this one off. I'm sorry, it totally sucks.