Post # 1
I hate the word “Bridezilla”. While it is clear there are some women who think their wedding trumps everything else in the lives of their family and friends, it seems that often the word is applied to any bride who simply expects people to behave decently.
Your second cousin tried to tack on 5 uninvited guests onto his rsvp and you objected- bridezilla!
Your florist, who agreed to provide you with roses is now trying to substitute carnations and you point out that this is a breech of contract- bridezilla!
Your sister is demanding that you make her 2 year old terror triplets flower girls, and you kindly suggest that this might be a little too young- bridezilla!
You get the point. So often I think just by using this word nice women are taken aback and suddenly start to second guess their (very reasonable) expectations. I know I’ve experienced this myself (see my recent thread about the shady dress shop). I’ll go into a conversation with very reasonable idea of what I ought to require of someone, but then mid conversation I find myself backing off out of fear that I will seem like some kind of demanding shrew. Maybe I’m just a person who likes to please others, or maybe I take critique too much to heart. Either way, I wish this stupid word had never been invented.
What about you? How do you deal with people who seem to think that just because you are a bride, you should never ever stand up for yourself?
Post # 3
I TOTALLY AGREE!! I hate this word. I don’t think it’s fair that we’re labeled just because we have certain expectations (not even unreasonable) and people just don’t cooperate accordingly. I think that I have done pretty good, but people think that it’s funny to call me that…I was thinking if one more person says that…I’ll show them what a Bridezilla really is!! LOL
Post # 4
Oh man, I am so there. I had a horrible hair/makeup trial over the weekend and when I told everyone about it later and they saw it they said I should have demaded my money back. But I am non-confrontational to begin with and I didn’t want people thinking I was going bridal on them, so I let it go. But in retrospect I should have stood up fo rmyself.
Post # 5
I know exactly what you mean! Last night my FI called me a bridezilla. Would you like to know why? Because I’m stressed out and trying to figure out how to stretch our $4,000 (not counting my dress) budget far enough to have a honeymoon. I’m the only person really planning anything. He even said that I’m going to get so frustrated that I’ll say that there’s no reason to even get married! I would never want that and as far as I can tell I’m the anti-bridezilla. It hurt my feelings a lot but he just laughed.
Post # 6
I hate the word too! And I hate it even more now that I find myself using the word, as in, “I’m really not trying to be a bridezilla but….”. I do think that if you’re assertive, you can quickly find yourself mislabeled as a bridezilla. Not really sure how to combat that though. So far I have let things go that I know I shouldn’t, just so as not to appear too demanding, pushy, aggressive, whatever.
Post # 7
I am a professional and expect others to behave like a professional as well – whether or not it is wedding related. I was called a bridezilla because I wanted my MOH to get a dress from Davids Bridal, choose a pair of black heels that she already owned, and pay $40 for hair and makeup (I’m covering the rest). Mind you, this is a girl that walks around in Louboutin heels. Needless to say, she is no longer my MOH.
My advice: Be mindful of who is actually calling you bridezilla… they are usually just jealous or unprofessional.
If you have crazy abnormal and expensive demands, than it’s a different story.
Post # 8
I DISLIKE that word soooo much..my FI’s cousin who is in the bridal party, I love her, BUT whenever she is drinking she gets everyone started and will begin to call me that. Mind you i have been very diligent about handling all my wedding details myself and all the wedding party was asked to do was buy their own dress, im providing jewlery and hair/make up..but because i asked them to pick up their dresses from the store before they were shipped back..i was called a bridezilla..I am far from it, but like other posted, maybe its jealousy or just plain ignorance…I just have learned to ignore it and just walk away…
Post # 9
@twista- I hate it when people who aren’t doing the planning, haven’t done the research, and don’t know ANYTHING about how much stuff costs try to tell you you’re wrong for stressing about the budget. I’m doing $8000 (including everything) and we’re pretty much maxed out. But my mom was insisting that we get limos to transport people from the ceremony to the reception. The thing is, the ceremony and reception are two tenths of a mile apart! They are literally right next to each other! When I told her that it was unnecessary and not in the budget, she told me to cut out back the bar to pay for these limos. What!? I firmly believe that if someone isn’t willing to do the research and know what the financial situation is, then they don’t get to comment.
I’m sorry it’s your FI who’s apparently the clueless one though 🙁
Post # 10
This is odd. The ladies on WeddingBee seem to all be really nice (at least over the internet). I worry so much about coming off as a Bridezilla when really my ideas get stomped on and I’m trying to please other people.
Post # 11
Bad service is bad service. I don’t care if it’s when I’m out to dinner or if it’s some service for my wedding, if I encounter people who are not doing their job and meeting reasonable expectations I have zero problems saying so – it’s not demanding to ask that you receive the services you are paying for.
That said I haven’t dealt with anyone unprofessional…yet.
Post # 12
I completely agree that the term “Bridezilla” is thrown out there way too much.
In my opinion, if you’re questioning a binding contract that a vendor is not fulfilling that is not being bridezilla, that is making sure they are following a legal contract and that you are getting what you paid for. I don’t understand why some vendors expect to half-ass you on services you pay for.
The only unprofessional service I dealt with was the coordinator at my venue. My wedding coordinator got a hold of him and needless to say he hasn’t been a jerk to me since lol.<—- see, example of getting what you pay for in a wedding coordinator lol
Post # 13
I will say I have learned to ‘leave it to the professionals’ a little bit. The wedding community in Philly is so small and tight-knit, they’ve been doing it forever and know what to do and don’t need to be micro managed. I started to micro-manage my florist then realized I was being a little too bossy as she was making good decisions based on what I said I wanted in the first place. So I could see how they might roll their eyes and be like “Bridezilla”but this is my 1st wedding so sorry! I want things to be perfect and can’t read your mind!
Seriously though, if carnations show up on my wedding day instead of roses and they don’t give me back 1/2 of my money heads are gonna roll.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I loathe the term – even before I got called it, I hated it.
I think that I’ve been pretty easy on my vendors. When I called the caterer for a proposal, he asked me what kind of food we wanted and I was like “I don’t know, something sort of eclectic, I guess?” And they came up with a KICK ASS menu. The photographer we chose was the first one we spoke to, and the florist we’ll probably hire was also the first one we spoke to. I was like “I don’t know anything about flowers, but our colors are this, this and this.” She came back with an appropriate and affordable proposal.
Sure, there are some crazy women who demand that their bridesmaids lose 20 pounds, get Botox, etc. But I find that most women who get called Bridezilla are just brides who have strong opinions and want things the way that they want them. We are spending THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on one stinkin’ day. Of course we want it to be perfect!
Post # 15
haha….I completely agree!! I am already getting comments about my behavior which is totally reasonable. here’s why: I asked my dad to put into our reception venue contract that we had use of the garden area during cocktail hour with tables…hello??? i’ve hear way too many times if its not in writing, it doesn’t matter. I’m also being called out because I’ve asked my parents to get me a list of people (family and friends) they want to invite. again, HELLO??? don’t we need to know how many people we are planning on inviting before we start looking at other things?? I don’t get it…
Post # 16
Great post. I’ve only been called bridezilla by my sisters, and it really hurt! From my point of view, they called me that in response to me being excited about my upcoming wedding. I mean, if I can’t talk about the details to my family, then what am I supposed to do? I really think it just came out of jealousy though (it took me a long time to realize that, I never think people are jealous of me.)