Post # 1
Hi lovely Bees,
I decided to come to you all to see what the web thinks of a few things…
Anyway, I see a ton of posts asking what people are waiting for before TTC. People respond with things like “a stable job”, “financial stability”, “a house”, “finish X level of schooling”, etc.. However, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a reason like why I’m waiting. I’ve seen the “I think I’ll be a bad mom” and many people will just reassure the bee that she’ll be great. But rarely are the reasons behind the statement really examined.
I think I might be a terrible mom. I know I’ll have enough money, a house, a stable job, graduated college. All the things that people think they need before having a kid. But I think I might be missing the most important thing for raising a child. I considered going anon for this post because who really wants to admit to their biggest faults to the web? But I think there might be others out there. I don’t know, maybe I’m wondering if focusing on the “milestones” is easier than dealing with deeper issues. Maybe there really aren’t a lot of others out there with this problem, or maybe there are and I’m hoping that someone will come out and be like “yeah, this is my experience”.
I don’t think I can be in control of my temper enough, and maybe I try too hard to control my environment. You know, like when your pet does something to irritate you and you just yell at them…beyond where they stop and to where they are submitting and scared? Or when almost everything has to be your way because that is how you feel you need it? Maybe you don’t, it isn’t pretty and goodness knows I wish it didn’t happen. But it has, and I’m afraid that when my child is just being a child I’ll end up crushing my kid’s spirit with my behavior.
Do you think about these things when you are getting ready for trying for a baby? Do you have to? Do you worry more about being a “provider” for your baby than being “nurturing”? Or do you find that it is easier to focus on things like the milestones because they are so much easier to achieve than changing my ways?
I’m not sure I’ve articulated my thoughts well…I just wondered what you all thought or if this is on a lot of other bees’ minds as well. Thanks for reading my rambling post
Post # 3
I think many people have worries, but everyone’s worries are going to be different.
In part, just thinking about it means your aware of a problem or tendency and you can work on it to become the person/mom you want to be. Just wondering/worrying about it means you care enough to think ahead.
Some worries are unfounded and some worries its good to know ahead because it can direct you to act in the correct way.
So if your worry is anger issues, have you considered some anger management classes/therapy or at the minimum just starting with a self-help book targeted for your worries?
Preparing yourself and having the tools ready for a kid can help you a lot. And because your worried already, this means that your motivation to handle a child confidently and appropriately is already there.
Post # 4
I get worried too. Mostly I’m worried because I don’t like children, they make me uncomfortable and annoyed. Everyone says it’s different when it’s your own, but I worry it won’t be!
Thanks for being brave enough to air your worries, I hope more bees will come forward with theirs too, so we know we’re not alone with this stuff!
Post # 5
@MrsBunnyBear: Same here! I just don’t handle noise or mess in a graceful way and that basically sums up children in two words! It doesn’t seem like this is a popular topic, but maybe people really are not worried about this as much as other things…
@ThreeMeers: Thanks for your reply…sometimes I feel like it will all work out okay because I know there is a problem and am already working on trying to make it better with my pets, instead of just worrying about making it better for any future children.
I guess part of the hardest thing for me was being honest about my problems with my Darling Husband…I’m so thankful that he loves me enough to work through it with me, rather than just be disgusted, disappointed or critical. He’s such a wonderful man! For other bees with these worries, have you talked to your SO about the extent of your fears, or is it more the vague “I’m just worried I won’t have enough patience” sort of voicing…I found that as soon as I owned up to how bad I could be, I tried that much harder to control my behavior because I couldn’t just ignore it anymore…