Post # 1
I have been getting a lot of pressure to have babies from both sides of the family. It’s been getting more intense lately. I’m 31 and have been married for 3 years. I thought I’d post some of the reasons various family members have given me to convince me to have a baby ASAP.
1. You and your spouse will fall out of love eventually if you don’t have kids to bind you together
2. It will be fun
3. Life will get boring if it’s just the two of you
4. You are old and you don’t have forever
5. It is better to have babies at a younger age so that they will be grown up and you will still be young enough to enjoy life
6. The purpose of getting married is to have kids
7. Having kids will bring you and your spouse closer
I have laughed in my head everytime I hear these because they are so obviously biased and each point can be refuted. Of course they don’t talk about all the sacrifices you will have to make, the strain on your finances and the possible strain on your relationship. To them it’s all sunshine and flowers. Kodak moments.
My husband and I aren’t against having kids, but want to wait a little longer. It’s just so annoying to be confronted about such a personal matter all the time and being reminded that we’re old and need to start ASAP. Then there’s all the questions about why and what our time table is. I remember the days when I would get lectures about how getting pregnant will ruin my life forever, how I shouldn’t bother with dating/marriage until after college. But of course now it’s the complete opposite. You can never win with these people!
Post # 3
It’s a catch-22! There are just as many people with other reasons NOT to have kids!
My brother in law keeps telling me we need to have a baby so he can “be an uncle and corrupt him!” As if that’s going to convince me?!?!
And then there’s my husband’s aunt… we told her we planned to wait another 3 years or so, and she responded “I’ll give you two years.” Oh, okay then. Two years it is I guess. Haha!
Oh, and all my med school friends are a fan of “having kids before 30 decreases your breast cancer risk!” I guess that’s at least fairly legitimate, but if I made all my life decisions based on completely minimizing cancer risk, I’d be a person who never sees the sun, or TVs, or cell phones.
Post # 4
Well, I missed the 30 year old deadline. :lol But the age thing and increased risks do bother me. Husband and I are both in the healthcare field. People keep reminding us and that makes us feel worse.
We spent most of our lives trying to make our parents happy. It was a lot of hard work. We both went to grad school. Now that we’re settled financially and in our careers we want to enjoy ourselves. It was so depressing to go on Facebook when I was in grad school and watch all our friends buying new designer this or taking so many trips while we were stuck working and in school. Now is our time and enjoy what we worked hard for and it feels like family is trying to spoil our fun. It will never end. We can never keep them satisfied, you know?
Post # 5
There’s the “don’t you want to see how cute they will be?!”
Post # 6
Wow I seriously can’t believe some of the reasons you have gotten! 1,3,and 6 would be really insulting for those who are CBC. Anyways, I get a TON of pressure and even though me and DH are trying right now I still get annoyed with peoples reasoning.It just really annoys me when people make it seem like life without kids is so meaningless and dull. I am actually LOVING life with just me, my husband and dog. And although we are ready for kids and will be super excited when it happens there are a lot of things that come with parenthood that I am not neccessarily looking forward to also ha.
Post # 7
The worst I’ve heard is that if we don’t have kids, nobody will look after us when we’re older.
Never mind the fact that many children DON’T look after their parents, or that with the amount you’d save by not having children you could afford to pay someone to help you, or live in a nursing home. Never mind that there are alternatives- you NEED to have babies, or you will get old and starve because nobody cares about you.
Don’t look at the responsibilities. Don’t look at the realistic side of parenting. Push those suckers out!
This came from FI’s best friend. My best friend (his gf) is also a bit pushy about the ‘you MUST have children!’ thing, she’s just more reasonable.
Post # 8
I get this one almost every day:
“Your son needs a baby brother or sister to play with”
I also get the:
“Your child is going to grow up a spoiled only child if you don’t soon have a baby”
“Your son wants you to have a baby!”
The most hurtful one has been:
“Don’t you want a baby now that actually has a mother and father together”…
like somehow my husband isn’t like a father to my son? and sorry my sons father and I couldn’t make it work… jeez =(
Post # 9
Oh wow! What assholes 🙁
The whole ‘you need multiple children so your child isn’t spoiled’ thing is stupid. Oh, so it doesn’t matter how they’re raised, as long as they have siblings they’ll be good people? Gah.
Btw, I grew up in a single parent home and it didn’t hurt me at all. I believe studies have shown that it is worse for the child to see their parents in an unhappy marriage than it is to have seperated or divorced parents. Besides, your DH is a father figure for your son, i’m sure they have a good relationship, don’t let anyone make you feel bad.
Post # 10
All those reasons are complete BS. Good on you for standing up to them.
Post # 11
We’re only 25 and 24, and we get hounded by people. People are starting to realize we won’t be changing our minds (we aren’t having any kids), so the badgering has diminished, but here’s some of the crap we’ve heard.
- Why even bother getting married if you’re not having kids?
- You’ll change your minds.
- You never know! Sometimes you just get pregnant!
- Kids are amazing.
- You’ll regret it if you don’t have kids.
- I used to think I didn’t want kids but now I am so glad I had them!
- So, you want a dog but not a kid! That doesn’t make any sense.
- Who will take care of you when you’re old?
- You’ll be so bored.
- You should have at least one.
- It’s really not that bad.
And all kinds of stupid crap. My favorite is the idea that having a dog is comparable to having a kid. That is pure nonsense.
Post # 12
I’ve gotten the question a handful of times- I find it really obtrusive, like it’s not really anyone’s business but ours! I tell them honestly, “I’ve never felt any kind of maternal instinct, I’m not opposed to the idea of children, but in no way am I pressured to have them. If it happens, it happens, if not, I’m more than fine with that too”. Sure it’s a snotty answer, but I like said, not really anyone’s business, so it usually shuts them right up!
Post # 13
@HappilyEverAfter54: That is THE most horrible thing I have ever heard! Do people even hear themselves speak?! I’m a pretty huge proponent of siblings (I work in childcare, and kids with siblings are generally WAY ahead of the curve in just about everything), but I would never, EVER think of saying that horrible to ANYONE!
Post # 14
Number four….my mom tells me that all the time, I’m 27. I recenlty got married but i have been with my husband for 7years going on 8 in April.
Post # 15
“I want to be a hip and trendy grandma. I can’t stay hip and trendy for too much longer, I’m getting on!” – Mum
Post # 16
Ugh, I’ve heard some of these as well. We are CBC, and the worst I’ve heard is the implication that we are selfish for not having children.
We both have siblings that are CBC as well, and some people seem to think we are depriving our parents by not “giving” them grandchildren. I should point out that these are people other than our parents, by the way. For the most part, our parents have accepted that they may never have grandchildren, except for my FIL who really, really wants us to change our minds (mainly because he is very competitive with his brothers and his nieces already have kids). It’s like…hello? We’re the ones who would raise them, not our parents. We have no obligation to anyone to have kids.