(Closed) reasons to not get engaged

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now.  I would like to say you are special and loved dont look at what you dont have focus on what you do have. You have something so beautiful and loving there are so many Bees who are waiting for their FI to ask. Your potential FI loves you to ask; he is not focusing on anything but the love he has for you and wanting to spend his life with you. If you feel you dont have the right clothes, hair is thin, dont like your job, etc. Those things take time to accomplish and who is to say once you have accomplished them you wont find something else to focus on. Take some time to yourself and decided if you can live without him in your life? If you answer no then tell him yes and get an outfit, get your hair done, and when you become engaged decide if you want to go back to school or not. Please start loving yourself more because you are a great person with so much to offer your FI and the world.

God Bless

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First of all, *hug*.  Sometimes life really sucks, and I’m so so sorry that you are going through this. 

 

Second of all I am going to throw some affirmations out there, then I’ll get to my story/issues:  You are worthy of your police officer boyfriend – he picked you!  He had this choice of everyone, and HE. CHOSE. YOU.  Funny how love is, huh?  It doesn’t care about things like jobs and clothes, it cares about character and compassion an all the parts of you that are truly magnificent that maybe you can’t see right now – but he does!  He sees them and chooses them and loves you!  There’s no such thing as accidental or mistaken love, because when love is true it is so pure that it looks past every single other thing.  I want you to know that, he wouldn’t be with you if he dind’t want to be, but he does so that’s amazing!

Insecurities are hard, and I know so many of us have them, especially about things like physical appearance and our jobs, but you do have a job, and it sounds like you are a hard worker, and I for one would never look down on someone who is doing what they can – and you have two jobs!  That is amazing.  You sound like a dedicated person, and I mean that.  There is nothing wrong with any job if it puts food on your table and pays the rent – trust me.  To soapbox – I’m sick of the shaming that goes on towards people who work at McDonalds/Walmart/Etc. because they are hardworking, instead of sitting at home an collecting a check. 

I just read The Perks of Being a Wallflower (yes, because of the movie, but haven’t seen it yet) but I absolutely love the line “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  You. Deserve. Love.  Every person deserves love, romantic and other wise.  You also deserve mad respect for all that you are an that you do. 

Now, as to the situations surrounding your engagement:

Two weeks before I got engaged my Mother went to jail, and it was for her poor choices of male company.  My FI and I bailed her out after much discussion. It was the first time in my life that I lost respect for my Mother, and I’m having a hard time getting it back.  I’ve seen her maybe 3 times in the engagement.  Yes, it isn’t ideal, but I know that I can’t let this hold me back.  I can’t put my life on hold for anyone else, so I’m moving on with my engagement, she’ll be at the wedding, but I am pretty bitter towards her which gives me so much guilt, but I can’t just change my emotions.  Moral of this bit: Don’t let your relationship with your mother hold you back. It’s more about your relationship with your boyfriend, I promise. 

 

I have two college degrees an my nursing license, and I’m currently unemployed other than a part time thing giving flu shots.  This is also ‘non ideal,’ but again not a deal breaker.  It is where I am right now, and FI is fully supportive, as I’ve been having some medical issues lately that aren’t severe, but do prevent me from doing typical nursing duties.  Again, this goes back to love, an how it looks past things like this, and when it’s time, it’s time.  Things have a funny way of working out, I don’t know if you are religious, but I am.  I believe that God has a plan, and it doesn’t pay much attention to our protestations, because things will play out in accordance.  I would have preferred to get married 2 years ago (4 years into the relationship) when I was doing better with my job, and I didn’t have all this stress acne that popped up last year, and I was at my lowest weight ever (chronic dieter) but God just had other plans.  He wanted me to get married right now.  In this situation.  Its a perfect plan.  I don’t mean to offend you if you aren’t religious, but this is just my comfort.  My go to versus are: Jeremiah 28:11 and (out of context) Psalm 46:10 (just the first half, the ‘Be still and know that I am God)

 

I really hope you can get out of your rut, it can be so difficult sometimes, but it IS possible.  Things will work out.  You will be okay.  You are worthy  You are beautiful.  Your boyfriend loves you.  I know this is all cliche in a way, but I promise I mean every single word of it. (Also, side note, I have ADHD so if it doesn’t make sense I’m sorry >.>)

 

Post # 6
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I changed my career (not that I was doing stellarly to begin with) and have found it difficult to find work,especially work that pays well and uses what I’ve learned. I had just gotten fired when my FI began discussing our future. He bought the ring while I was unemployed, and felt terrible about myself, my life and my prospects. He told me that none of that mattered, and what did matter was that he loved me, and I was beautiful and important to him. He believes in me, and I’m sure your boyfriend feels the same way. He loves you for you, and no matter what he is going to stick with you (I think this is where the in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer thing comes in)

 

Life isn’t static, and things can change before you know it. If you can find someone who loves you unconditionally, and you love him, that is all that matters. The rest will work itself out. Just try to take it easy on yourself, and remember no one is perfect.. but he think syou are perfect for him, so enjoy it 🙂

 

Best of luck!

 

Post # 7
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

These aren’t lame. You are obviously going through something. Mere weeks before my boy proposed I had been talking to my mom how I couldn’t get married for five more years due to x,y,z 

When it is right, it is right. If you are struggling through something that’s not lame! You have to take care of you before you can take care of a relationship. It sounds like you have waiting bee anxiety : )

Therapy is an amazing step (I don’t know where I’d be without it) that will help make you feel more confident to accept how amazing you are and how deserving you are of this man and this excitement. P.S: he is lucky to have a self-aware and self-possessed woman such as yourself. Never play the ranking game- it’ll drive you both insane.

Hug. Good luck to you doll!

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