Reasons why you can't be a bridesmaid and other etiquette issues

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. Yes (the husband and wife are a social unit and therefore invited to everything together).

Post # 4
Member
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@anonabeeincali:  

1. There may be some antiquated etiquette that says bridesmaids should only be unmarried women, but today people use whoever’s closest to them.  Married, not married, female, male, pregnant… and nobody would bat and eye.

3. Married people are a social unit and shouldn’t be separated on invitations (excpetion might be ladies only parties like showers/bachelorettes). 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it depends where you live, but in New England (Massachusetts/Maine/New Hampshire/Connecticut/Vermont/Rhode Island/ New York), no one would notice or care about a married or pregnant bridesmaid!

Unless she was 15 or something. I’d probably notice that.

Also, I HATE when people only invite half of a married couple! Especially when it’s so far away!

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@BrandNewBride:  +1. If only one of us was invited to a wedding, neither of us would be going. We are a social unit and come as a package deal. If someone doesn’t respect that, then they don’t get either of us.

Post # 8
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes, yes, and yes.

Post # 9
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Etiquette is about your guests’ comfort. Things like havig enough chairs, not making them pay for things or creating classes of guests, not asking for gifts, etc. Who your bridesmaids are has nothing to do with guest comfort (unless someone is extremely homophobic/racist etc but I dont have to cater to bigotry). Inviting their partner, however is part of guest comfort and etiquette so yes, invite them together, unless it’s a single gender party (like traditional non-coed showers).

Post # 10
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think, and I may be wrong, that there was something about Bridesmaids not being able to be pregnant if they’re unmarried in some churches but I’m really not sure.  Tradition states that bridesmaids should be unmarried hence the term Matron of honour instead of Maid of Honour but that’s not really etiquette, that just goes way back to the tradition of the whole thing and why we have bridal parties and blah blah blah

My answer to all 3 questions would be YES

Post # 11
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes to all 3.

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lampshade:  Really? Holy crap! I lived there for 12 years! I always thought it was…

Thank you for correcting me!

Post # 15
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

With the exception of the ring bearer and flower girl, EVERY member of the wedding party was married. Every bridesmaid, every groomsman, the matron of honor and the best man. Everyone was married. That was the way we wanted it. 

Post # 16
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@anonabeeincali:  

1. Can a married woman be a bridesmaid according to etiquette? Yes, but then she is called a Matron of Honor.

2. Can a pregnant woman walk down your aisle as a bridesmaid according to etiquette? Yes, however, traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried women and it would have been scandalous for an unmarried woman to be pregnant.  But then if we’re getting technical here, a nonvirginal bride can’t wear white.  Old traditions of etiquette are being tossed in favor of more modern traditions and the more modern tradition here is that it’s okay to have a pregnant bridesmaid.

3. Should a husband of a bridesmaid be invited to a small (family of bride and groom and bridal party) engagement party that is 4 hours away, when the bridesmaid in question knows only a few people distantly (hasn’t spoken to them in over 10 years) and won’t feel comfortable alone? Spouses should always be invited even to small weddings, especially if it’s more than an hour or two away from the bridesmaid’s home and the bridesmaid will likely sleep away from home for the night.  If the bride truly wanted an intimate wedding she didn’t need to have a bridal party but since she is having a bridal party, proper etiquette would be to invite spouses of bridal party members.

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