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Recent weddings I've been a guest at have been a huge source of wedding inspiration for me.
I'm curious what your experiences have been and, based on that, what you will or will not do at your own wedding.
The biggest take-away from the last wedding I went to is to make sure my OOT guests feel appreciated for making the effort to be there.
no escort cards - had to be excorted by a guy in a red bell boy suit. took FOREVER
too dark - couldnt see my food.
The need for assigned seating! Or at least assigned tables. At the last wedding we went to it was outdoors and we were supposed to grab our chairs from the ceremony and walk them over to a table to sit at. Somehow we ended up at a table with the bride's grandma and aunts and uncles! It felt like we were definitely not supposed to be at that table but we didn't want to be rude and move so we stayed. And it was weird.
Also, it confirmed for me that favors are nice, but not needed. The bride had spent hours making seed packet favors for everyone, but in the end maybe five people took them. What a waste of time and effort. And it was funny because before that we were considering giving out seed packets as favors at our wedding because we thought that people would really appreciate them. Not so much, I guess...
Make sure the two sides of seating for the ceremony were mixed together and not seated by who knows the bride and who knows the groom.
We were at a wedding where the groom didnt have that many ppl and the bride had a ton of ppl on her side during the ceremony and it looked so sad.
I wanted both families to mix together!
TO include directions to the reception site in your programs since most guests forget to bring their invitations with them to the wedding. I also went to a wedding once where after the ceremony the bride and groom were outside to start the receiving line but nobody knew- everyone was inside eating the snacks they had laid out until someone finally got the message....sooo fluidity is important :)
Have a 3hour gap between ceremony and reception and only have like one chicken wing per guest at the cocktail hour; I was STARVING
start the ceremony an hour and a half late: I was STARVING
serve the cake at like 10:30pm : I was STARVING for dessert
have little kids who ended up starting a mini food fight at the table: I was pissed because I had been STARVING all that time and they just want to throw food around!!
I vow to feed my guests in abundance and in a timely and appropriate manner!
- No cash bar! Guests should not be paying for everything except water at your wedding.
- No favours. The last wedding we went to, the bride and groom gave out candle holders with little votives. Well, they were cheaply made and started falling apart halfway through dinner, and then at the end of the night, most of them were left on the table. Total waste of money.
Only having 1 small bar open for a large wedding (i.e. 130 guests) during the cocktail hour - we spent the whole time in line waiting to get a drink!
Also - not having seating during the cocktail hour. It was very difficult on the elderly guests to be standing the entire time.
No cash bar! I went to a wedding with a cash bar, and they hadn't even bothered to nitify people that this would be the case. It was just awkward and embarassing. I would have preferred it if they simply didn't offer alcohol.
I really wanted a cage veil but the bride at a recent wedding wore one and it looked CRAZY - so I think I'm going to pass on that one now.
Also I HATE the huge gap of time between the ceremony and reception - I think it's soo boring as a guest to wait around (I know people are taking pictures but I'm coming from a guests POV) - so we're doing reception right after the ceremony in the same location (no flip - just two separate areas). Plus there's a garden so if we are outside taking pictures people can see - so it's not like they have no idea what's going on.
Cheesy DJs are the worst (I feel like they always draw attention away from the bride and groom). We're not having one because we're not having dancing (afternoon wedding). My little bro is going to "DJ" from his laptop.
Lastly - I don't like the bride and groom being at their own table - it seems weird that they're segregated from guests. I full plan on standing and eating and moving around the room to visit.
God that was long - I promise I don't hate everything about weddings! :)
I have to disagree with the favors - the cost of a wedding is big enough and if guests are also expecting favors, then they are in it for the wrong reasons. I'd prefer the couple not waste their money and put it to better use for the festivities or themselves.
I'm not a fan of escort cards - the table always looks weird after folks take theirs and you know who didn't show up when the staff forgets to collect it. I'm opting for a seating chart and it's less paper cards laying around.
I dislike the bridal toss - I think it can be fun but you also put single gals in a light that the men aren't put in. Funny thing, FI wants me to do it, so now I have to think about it.
Plain guest books - a little imagination here can go a long way. I opted for a photo guest book of our epics, in a year book style for folks to write funny things down. They will love the pics and I'll love reading their comments.
Finally, valet - if you are going to offer it and the guests don't have to pay for it (you'd be surprised), let folks know ahead of time so they can take advantage. Otherwise, you as the bride and groom waste money (if it's not part of your venue fees) and guests miss out.
I also hate the huge gap between ceremony and reception. All dressed up and nothing to do for hours, especially when you're from out of town.
Assigned tables- so awkward with no assignments. Our group of friends were the only ones that didn't get the message so we all had to fill in the empty 2 or 3 chairs at other tables.
Getting a DJ not and emcee. One in particular spent 3 minutes telling people to get their camera ready for the first dance.
Favors- edible ones are best.
I'm sure there's more.... I'm not that grumpy but all lessons learned.
I couldn't give you a single detail related to which china/utensil pattern was chosen at any wedding I've ever attended. Hence, I'm not paying for the upgraded package at my venue :)
One of the venues we looked at didn't have enough seating for all of the guests in any room. Having been stuck in Seating Siberia at one wedding, where the couple didn't even make it to our table literally until we were being kicked out of the room at the end of the night, we chose a venue that would allow everyone to be seated in the same room.
We're having no only two bartenders, but two entirely separate bars, to prevent a huge onslaught of people in any one area. And we're not closing the bar during dinner, as our friends would riot.
No guest cares as much about the little details as the bride. If something doesn't go my way, I'm going to do my best to just let it go.
We went to 7 weddings last summer, after we got engaged. My absolute favorite wedding could have been a train wreck. The bus taking people to the ceremony/reception/back to the hotel got lost on every single leg of the journey. The ceremony started 35 minutes late because the 2nd bus full of people was still driving around the city. The reception was on the beach, and it rained the entire time. (Yay for last-minute tent rentals!) We had to wait over an hour for the final bus back to the hotel, as it was (unsurprisingly) lost. But through all that, the couple was so completely and utterly thrilled to have all of their guests there. They worked the room, and I don't think a single guest felt anything less than loved. Their ability to communicate to their guests how fantastically excited they were to see them made everything else fade away.
Something I will do -- make sure that there is someone who is expressly in charge of getting everything all set up. (In our case, it's the event planner @ our venue.) I was recently @ a wedding where the bride gave all of the setup responsibilities to her friends (i.e. her wedding guests) with basically no warning at all. We showed up at the wedding early, expecting to enjoy ourselves with the activities that she had planned (it was at a summer camp). But instead, we spent all afternoon setting up tables, putting together centerpieces, folding napkins, etc. Please don't do that to your guests. If you do have to enlist the help of friends, then make it clear to them well in advance what their responsibilities will be. ...and remember to get them a nice gift to acknowledge their help!
Aubergold -- I am sure that sucked really bad when it happened, but your description of it is too funny!
I used to think that a receiving line was not that big of a deal. I have heard complaints about guests disliking how they hold things up, and I did not have much of an opinion on it since the last one I was in was like 10 years ago when I was 13 years old at a cousin's wedding. But on Saturday when my friend got married, I loved the chance to say a few words to her parents because they were so swamped the rest of the night that I only saw them like one time after that. It has made me want to do one, but it remains to be seen.
I am a huge pro-seating chart supporter.
The worst wedding I have ever been to was when my FI was in the wedding party and I wasn't and the couple decided to have a head table with all the attendants sitting up there with them. I sat with some random aunts and uncles the whole night and it was so awkward. Also, they had a cash bar. I thought that was kinda rude
No receiving line! I've always thought they were so awkward, and definitely won't be doing that. We are also doing cookie favors, because we know they will get eaten:)
One wedding I went to... they had all their siblings speak, took a break, and before the cake had EVERY parent speak. It felt like there was hardly any time for dancing or really chatting because there was so much protocol.
A long wait between ceremony and reception is never fun. I really like a bride & groom to get around and chat to all the guests too. That's so so so important.
One wedding we went to didn't have any assigned seating. I know it'll take some time to do table assignments, but I feel it will be worth it instead of our guests having to figure out where to sit and if there are available seats at the tables.
I have found a big gap between the ceremony and reception with nothing for the guests to do one of the more frustrating things as a wedding guest. We ended up hanging out at a starbucks for over an hour at one.
I agree on the favor front - even really thoughtful great favors, if not edible, have always ended up in the trash at some point.
We were a friendor for a wedding and spent a hefty amount of money for flowers and triple that amount in time and never got a Thank You Card.
I realize that since it wasn't a tangible item- they probably never thought to send a note.... but c'mon. Treat your friendors as FRIENDS.
I agree with the big gaps in between ceremony and reception are frustrating. that would be my vent about weddings.
However, just wanted to comment that sometimes the things people say here can be hurtful, especially when it's something someone can't help due to financial issues. I'm having a cash bar because we simply can't afford to pay for everyone's alcohol. We aren't having an extravagant wedding, we can only have 75 people and the only way we could have that many was to eliminate the alcohol costs. If I could afford to have an open bar I would, but I'd rather get married with the people I love there with us, than have just a few people and pay for their booze for the night, sorry if that makes me rude.
Went to a wedding last weekend where the Bride and Groom made a big deal cutting the cake....and then didn't serve any cake. OR any desert. Nope. Nada.
SO rude.
we are doing a photobooth thanks to a wedding we went to! we loved it! so much fun.
@summerlove22 - Please don't think that I was directing my comment at someone in your situation. I just hate the idea of a cash bar at a wedding without any prior warning. The first indication we had that it was a cash bar was after our drink orders arrived at the table and we were presented with a bill! It doesn't sound like you will do anything of the sort.
The wedding I attended was held at a massive golf course and gave all the apperances of being extravagant but had a cash bar and a ridiculous wait between ceremony and reception. I just felt like the couple made some really selfish choices. I spent a ton of money getting to Rhode Island to go to their wedding, buying lovely presents and I felt like the least they could have done was warn me in advance that they would be having a cash bar.
In summary, I'm sure your situation is totally different from theirs.
Drink tickets! Sorry, but I can't stand them. Also there was a wedding we attended where the only dish served was this weird pasta-chicken with marinara. That was it. A little strange.
If the weather looks iffy- I will go to my rain plan, even though I don't like it as much as the good-weather plan. I was at an outdoor wedding were the bride hated her rain plan, the weather was iffy, and she decided to risk it and stay outside anyway. Well, you guessed it: DOWNPOUR!
@summerlove- a lot of the anti-cash bar people are saying they would have preferred a dry wedding to a cash bar, or just preferred to be informed ahead of time, so I don't think it's about looking down on people with low budgets, but about finding a way to do it that isn't awkward for your guests. Sorry if you were hurt...
summerlove22, what about a few kegs if it is a budget issue? To me, and most of my friends, a few plastic cups of beer would be welcome! You don't have to be fancy, but it is nice to kick back with a cold one after getting dressed up, etc.
The wedding gap with nothing to do is really tough. In general, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the timeline. When you're a guest and you don't know what you're doing, or have to wait in lines, or kill time, it is tough. The last wedding I went to was lovely, but they took forever on pictures between ceremony and reception, and there wasn't anyone at the reception to welcome guests. We all just stood around for a long while without knowing what to do with ourselves.
The surprise cash bar at an evening wedding is tough. I know it is totally regional, but a warning is appreciated, as I rarely carry cash. I've also been to several just wonderful punch and cake receptions, so I've always felt that there are so many simple, creative ways to celebrate a wedding that don't require guests to take their wallets out. But we've established that, like many traditions, this is regional and cultural, so take this opinion with a grain of salt if people are used to/expect a cash bar in your circle. I'm not used to it and do expect at least beer and wine at an everning wedding, that's just the culture/area I come from.
Can we just get through one thread without having to apologize for our opinions??
And to contribute: Favors are nice as long as they are easy to take home. So no plants with soil but no extra container or bag.
And no allowing the DJ to harass people into dance. The tables closest to the dancefloor/DJ booth always get picked on the most.
I have been to 2 weddings in the past decade, so I don't have much to go on. I do prefer assigned seating and foods that are eaten with cutlery rather than fingers for guests wearing nice clothes.
I love this thread--thanks for posting all of you!
The worst thing I've ever seen at a wedding was separate meals for the head table (newlyweds, wedding party, and parents) and the rest of the guests. Seriously, if you can't afford surf and turf for everyone, it is not OK to serve that to the A-List while everyone else gets rubber chicken.
I try not to throw "tacky" around too much, but sometimes there are no other words.
I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I would prefer someone offer beer and wine. or a nice punch or have a daytime wedding with fresh lemonade and other drinks.
I don't think there should be a gap at all, ever, and pictures should very limited between the wedding and reception. This is my biggest pet peeve!
I have definitely noticed how often favors get left behind. Don't spend too much money on them and if you do them do something edible. I was going to do decorated sugar cookies in a bag with a ribbon. Instead I have decided to do trays of cookies on the cake table. I will have some kind of bags next to them with a note something like "eat now or take home for the little ones or a midnight snack"
This is entirely regional and personal preference, but I love buffets or stations and always get bored at seated dinners.
I'd have to say that definitely if you're having a formal wedding, don't invite people's kids. Unless you have some fun activities for them, they'll get waay too bored. Even the most well-behaved kids don't enjoy sitting through an hour long (non-catholic) ceremony and then 1/2 hour of speeches and whatnot just to be served a smaller version of the adult's food. Trust me, they don't have fun that way.
@ sailor:
I experienced a simiar thing last summer at a wedding: The entire head table made multiple champaigne toasts while the rest of the guests had keg beer. Sort of goes back to my previous comment about the wedding cake. To me, your marriage is about you and your husband. Your WEDDING is a party, and for us, the party is about thanking all those who are important in our lives and showing them that we are honored by their presence and support. I have NO PROBLEM with keg beer, so long as everyone is drinking it. In terms of weddings, I think the little things DO count---but that doesn't mean they have to be expensive. Any gestures that single out the bridal party for special treatment however, tends to make me, the guest, feel unwelcomed.
I've always hated receiving lines and refused to do it at my own wedding 28 years ago. I don't want random people smearing their lipstick on my face and making small talk with those i don't know. Its much better (I think) to go table to table and spend some time with your guests. They appreciate it, it gives them a chance to take some random photos (which you'll love to have later), and they get to see you for more than a few minutes instead of that split second going through a line.
I really hate when the bride and groom don't consider the ages of all their guests with their music selections. Play things everyone can dance to and enjoy.
I've never been to a cash bar wedding either, but my daughter's FMIL suggested it. We wouldn't consider it for her wedding, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about it at someone else's.
Wedding cake is another thing...give me a slice and not a sliver! lol i REALLY dislike that.
Hmm I have to say that I learned a lot from a wedding I attended in the fall. Everything about the wedding made my fiance and I think this was going to be a REALLY good wedding. Beautiful calligrified pocketfold invitations, stunning outdoor ceremony on a golf course overlooking the autumn hills, beautiful linens, stunning flowers and a family band. The ceremony was stunning but unfortunatly it fell flat after that.
First, they stopped serving alcohol during dinner without warning. I seriously would not have cared except there were some beautiful toasts and NOTHING to cheers with, not even water and dinner seemed to drag on for hours.
Second, the youngest member of the family band was probobly 65? and the most exciting upbeat song they played all night was Aretha Franklin's RESPECT. Needless to say NO BODY was dancing and it really just made things a little uncomfortable/boring.
Sadly this was one of those weddings that once the bar was open again we ALL needed to knock back a few. In fact the best part of the night was my fiance's dad white-boy dancing his drunk self with some people he didn't know. He later said "Man was it stuffy in there. I had to liven things up."
LESSON LEARNED: Guests do not care about flowers, linens, or paper goods. They care about good booze, food, and entertainment.
I hate when the DJ/Band leader is super loud...they need to be able to gauge how loud they are in the room they are in....drives me crazy when I have to shout at the person seated right next to me!
-Tag team videographers with bright ass lights in my face on the dance floor = fail
-No assigned seating causing a clusterf**k dash to the tables = fail
-worst band in history causing barely anyone to dance until we were all wasted = fail
-1.5 hr ceremony in a chapel with no air conditioning in the middle of summer = fail
-cash bar without any warning or an ATM within walking distance = fail
-head table separating me from my date = fail
-bride and groom staying at the reception area with the wedding party after the rest of the guests got sent back to the hotel and never coming back to hang out = fail
(thankfully these are not all the same wedding)
haha Kittyachi I was glad to read your last line - for a minute my heart really sank, thinking that SOO many things failed in ONE wedding!!! I think out of all of those, the 'head table separating me from my date' offence is the worst - that just seems very awkward and lonely.
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