Post # 1
My fiance and I recently got engaged. Though he proposed without a ring knowing I wanted to have one designed myself. It was agreed that I would design it. He proposed and it was great….but…I put the pieces together and realized that he was going to give me my e-ring for x-mas. The problem here is not only did I not get to design it like we agreed but his mother is actually the one who went to look at rings and she told him what she found and he appearantly said to go ahead and order it. From what he told me she described it to him and he says it’s sounds exactly like something I’d like. I’ve never even shown him a pic of what I like. He briefly described it to me- it’s not me. I told him not to get it, that if that were the case I raher not have one tand just have our wedding bands. He happily said he was getting it anyway and that it was too late, it was ordered thinking I was saying not to get it just because…but I was serious. I then he said he’d cancel it, and that he had insurance.
He said he couldn’t understand what the big deal was and why I was so angry over a ring that traditionally should be from him anyway and that I shouldnt be picking out myself…that it was a ring and I should care more about being with him than what my ring would look like. The whole reason for my being hurt and angry about this was that I thought we had an agreement and that I felt like it wasn’t really from him but from his mother since she’s the one who actually went out looking and reported to him about it. I have nothing against his mother, in fact we get along great. I won’t tell her about this because I know she was looking while doing her usual shopping and looked at the jewellery out of sheer excitement. I’m also not supposed to know and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Here is were things only seems to make sense in my mind, lol. I told him to go ahead with it. I know he just wanted to surprise me and I know he truly didn’t realize that I felt like he went against what I wanted. But now he says I am getting a ring when I show him the design. We’re both being hard headed. I insists he gets the one ‘from him’
Post # 3
I’m a little confused…so is he picking it out for you, but not getting you the one his mother picked out?
Personally i’d be livid. We had discussed me picking out the setting and if he’d proposed to me in a setting all by surprise i’d be a little like, “wait…what?!” because I was very specific about whta I wanted and even described THE setting to him multiple times. He let me look for rings and I just got stuck on the one i must have! Yes, i understand the guys’ position, but in the end, they want you to be happy right?
What if you don’t like the ring he gets you? Can you exchange the setting? that is a pretty common thing and I think most jewelers include an option to allow you to change the setting. It’s not like you wore it out in the time you put it on the finger to the time you went to the store and said, “well, she doesn’t like it”…
While i get that some guys need help from mom’s, sisters, bridesmaids, etc, i understand the sentiment behind HIM picking it out. I”m not sure if i’d be annoyed or not….maybe not if it was my mom, but his mom and i have different taste so i’d be concerned she could end up steeering him in a different direction from my taste. His sister–now we do share the same taste. i just know how MY guy is about jewelry and he is so lost it ain’;t funny.
Post # 4
I am so sorry about what is happening to you !
A ring is very emotional and he should understand that! especially if he said that you could design it, he should not reverse and do something else that what you agreed!!!
plus the fact he asked her mother to chose it is not very caring from him..any ring he will give you, i d be disappointed if i were you …and that is a pity
there must be a reason he changed his mind, mabe he talked with her mum and she said she d be happy to pick the ring and he just agreed and obviously did not raised the pont it is important for you to pick the ring…
Or she just said that it will be to expensive to design it so he chose another ring.
whatever the reason is, he should understand that he is truly hurting you, i would me be really sad if i were you
Post # 5
I had a similar situation & decided that it just wasn’t worth hurting feelings over. We basically agreed that if I didn’t like the surprise ering, we’d trade it in on our first anniversary for a new one. By then, I figured I would either (A) be attached to it and love it, or (B) have worn it long enough to satisfy fiancé & FMIL. It was just one less thing to hassle with considering all the other wedding stuff going on!
Post # 6
While I get that having his mother pick it out is upsetting, you never would have known if he just surprised you with it (regardless of the deal about you getting to pick it out).
I think you should be happy he’s agreeing to buy you one at all, even if his mother picked it out.
Post # 7
I agree with Beaukat. I don’t believe anyone should get angry over a “gift”. Let’s be thankful of what was given to us.
Post # 8
I say you should have a ring that you love, and that he should respect your reasons for being upset. Yes, it’s merely a symbol of your love but YOU have to wear it every day, not his mother. In my opinion, allowing her to have this much input into such a big purchase can only spell trouble for you later on. Will she be consulted when you pick out a house, or decide on which schools you want your kids to go to?
I think it would be a different story if he had picked it out alone, or with the help of a close friend of yours. It sounds like you are stating your wants and needs, and the fact that he’s not listening to you is a bit of a red flag for me.
Be firm but diplomatic; tell him that you feel that he reneged on a promise that he made to you, and that he is minimizing your feelings. Stay strong because you are worthy of happiness, support and love.