- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
I need some SERIOUS advice, especially from women that are already wives:) I normally post under my “real” username, but needed anonymity for this post…
I am recently engaged, like as of May this year (2013). My SO and I met in college and were great friends. We never dated in college and didnt form a romantic relationship until 8 years later. I am a very serious person when it comes to finances, preparing for my future family’s future, children, having a secure life for my husband and I, etc. SO is not.
The thing is, he says that he wants all the same things that I want, but he doesn’t have the drive to make these things happen like I do. I feel like he constantly has to be told what to do, like he is my second child. I don’t want to feel like I have to “parent” my spouse. He has no sense of handling business, which completely irks me b/c he has a degree in business!
The thing is, I was raised in a two-parent household with my mom and dad. My dad was and is, in every sense of the word, a “head of houshold” type of guy. We weren’t the richest family by a long shot, wouldn’t even be considered middle-class, but my dad ALWAYS made sure that he worked hard enough and long enough and SAVED so that his family could have all neccesities. My SO wasn’t raised by his dad, so a lot of the qualities that I look for automatically in a guy, he makes the excuse of, “I didn’t know that, but I’ll try”…. He even is in jeopardy of losing a really GREAT job that he just got b/c they did a credit check and he’s now on probation for it (long story), all b/c he doesn’t take the initiative to handle things like a man!
He’s a good guy in the sense of being nice and overall respectful, but I’m so worried about our future…He waits till the very last, urgent minute to handle anything, and I don’t want that in a mate. Everyone keeps saying, maybe he has to learn those skills, and even he says that he’ll try but it won’t come overnight…but it still really bothers me. We are friends, but I’ve never even gotten butterflies from him, and someone recently told me, “Everyone deserves butterflies”. I’m starting to believe this is true. I know there’s no such thing as the “perfect man”, but maybe there is someone out there that is tailor-made for me?
Sorry for the long post, but any advice is great.