Recently separated from my husband – Emotional infidelity

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and not taking his excuses!  I am SO SORRY you are dealing with this and that he has been treating you this way, and yes, cheating on you!  It will be tough but hang in there and stay strong, you will get through this and you will find someone that honors you in every way and with every action!

Post # 5
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly, I would have as much or more trouble with my husband developing an emotional attachment to another woman as I would a sex fling.  I am sorry this happened to you.

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What matters is how you feel, not anyone else’s definition, but, yes, this is absolutely cheating and emotional infidelity is rarely just emotional and IMO is far more damaging than physical alone!  He was hiding this from the start, he only came clean because you found out and you intervened.  TRUST YOUR GUT ALWAYS!

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

 

therealbee:  I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine anything worse than what you’re going through, sometimes emotional cheating is worse than a drunken one night stand or something purely physical(which are still no-no’s), I think the fact he’s done this over time and when sober shows what kind of man he is, and you should leave him as he clearly doesn’t respect the sanctity of marriage or the vows you made if he’s telling another woman he loves her. You are NOT exaggerating, he sounds like a horrible man trying to make you think any of this is ok or acceptable on his part, he WOULD have slept with her if he hadn’t been caught, please don’t let him convince you otherwise and it meant nothing because it will happen again, if not with her then some other woman.

Post # 8
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

therealbee:  Go YOU!! You are clearly a very strong woman, and maybe my hero! You’ve done good so far, so I have no doubt that no matter how rocky it gets, you will come out all the better for it.

It is infedelity. I wouldn’t be able to go back from that. The lies and deception and overall sleaziness is so disgusting and shameful. Ugh, what a horrible husband! And for you to stay so stong?! You can do BETTER!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Would you all be open to counseling?

Post # 11
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

therealbee:  I would definitely consider this cheating, and probably an even more unforgivable kind than an isolated physical “slip up.” 

He is trying to manipulate you by making you feel like you are overreacting which is a typical tactic. Don’t give in to that – your feelings are valid.

I don’t buy the pressure excuse at all….life is full of pressures. Having a son was not his first time to feel pressure and it won’t be his last…what will he do next time he’s faced with a challenge?

Is this the only problem in the relationship? Is he willing to go to counseling to address these issues and work hard/commit to solving them? Would you even want him to?

Post # 12
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

therealbee:  Im so sorry your dealing with this. I have been in a similar situation (although not with a spouse or with a child involved) and I will say emotionally cheating is cheating and it hurts like hell.

I overheard my SO on the phone with another woman and although he assures me they never were physical, I was still heart broken. I am still with my guy and we have since worked through that. My decision to stay came after about a month of seperation and us both realizing that we would rather be together than apart. It took me almost a year to get over that but I can honestly say than I am.

Now I’m not telling you that you should do what I did. But I am saying that if you truly love this man, let your feeling sort themselves out because they will. Often we make rash decisions based solely on emotions and this may be what you are feeling right now. Just give it time. He’s out of the house right now and you are definitely entitled to your tears, and your feeling of anger and betrayal. When the tears have subsided and the anger has diminished, you will be able to think more clearly about what you want and what is the best course of action for your family.

I wish you all the best in whatever decisions you make. *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
2219 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

It seems to me that you have a choice:

Stay with a man who lies and cheats and has no respect for you, and slowly lose your self confidence and self respect.

End the relationship with this untrustworthy individual and slowly regain your self confidence and self respect.

This is not an isolated incident and his behaviour has gone up a notch.  He is not just flirting online but now he has decided to meet someone in person.  What is the next stage I wonder?  

Also there is repeated lying and excuses.  He even indirectly blamed your young son for his own behaviour.  

These actions and excuses are a betrayal of your trust and love.  His actions,excuses and sneakiness definitely amount to cheating even if he hasn’t (yet) had sex with anyone.

You deserve better than this.  You are absolutely right to think the way you do.  

Post # 15
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

He completely disrespected you and if you hadn’t found out he probably would have taken it to the next level (physical). That fact that he shows no remorse reveals that he is the type that would do it again. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors