Weddingbee boards

So anyone who reads my blog (miss pug's pawfect wedding) will be hearing about this soon, but I didn't want to post until we notify guests. And I have to vent!

Thanksgiving was horrible. FMIL was fighting with her partner (she's a lesbian... not that that matters but just for reference) and taking it out on her kids and me. One of my FBIL's was being a douche and causing fighting and then FI was like screw this family drama, I wish we were just going to Vegas for the wedding so we didn't have to do family stuff (it was a VERY emotional day) and FMIL was like, "oh good!"

Long story short, I press her about her comment... she doesn't want to give us $$ for the money any more.

When we got engaged a year ago we met with each of our parents to tell them our plans and see if/how they would contribute. My mom said she couldn't promise anything (she's financially strapped) but has since sent $500. FMIL offered (SHE offered!!!!!!) a good amount. Enough that we could do certain nice things. Still a VERY budget wedding but nice enough.

We are getting married in less than 4 months and she springs this on us. I felt like Adam Sandler in the Wedding Planner ("Information that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAYYYYYYYYYYY!) since we have sent save the dates, some people have booked flights (my whole family is OOT) and we have $$ coming up due. She wouldn't say why she wasn't giving it but then got all defensive and was like "I felt pressured!!! YOU PRESSURED ME!" And if by meeting with her she felt pressured, of course we feel bad... but if she felt she couldn't say no to us, then we didn't/don't have the relationship I thought we did, and it's insulting. (Turns out, she later admitted that she wants to leave her partner- who is the one with the $$- so she needs the $$ she saved for us to move. I knew there was something behind all of it...)

She then made some hurtful comments about my family which have me feeling VERY angry towards her, but I won't go into them out of respect for her.

After MUCH deliberation we cancelled our reception. We're notifying guests by email and then sending an announcement, which invites people to the ceremony if they want, and then informs them that we'll have casual backyard celebrations this summer in Indy (his fam) and NJ (my fam). They will be fun and cheap and NICE WEATHER so I am trying to be excited!!!

I miss my wedding... the flowers, the pug cake toppers on the cupcakes, the FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS, the first dance... I don't get any of that. But I'll try to make the ceremony amazing and I'm glad to not be going into major debt.

FMIL asked us to dinner tonight... not sure what it's about, probably to announce she's moving out. Always drama... I wish she'd leave us out of her personal decisions. FI and I agreed though that even if she offers us the $$ again, we aren't going to do the wedding reception... we can't trust her and we feel better that in this economy, we're not throwing ourselves into more debt for a night of fun. (Although we will take family and CLOSE friends out to a dinner after- maybe Buca or something- but since so few will be able to make it, it will be affordable for sure.)

My mom is so excited and supportive, but feels badly for us of course, since she wishes we could have what we wanted. She cried reading me her draft email to send to family... I have only heard her cry before at her parents' funerals, my dad's funeral, and once on the phone. So this was the 5th time in my life she's cried in front of me. But she is glad that we aren't going into debt and also many of my family members were struggling with being able to afford to come out here, so it'll work out for the best.

PHEW. Just needed to get it all out there. Any ideas to make my ceremony special? (Or pug related????)

LOL I should probably mention YES we have 3 crazy pugs. Our church doesn't allow animals in the wedding (or children under 2 to be ring bearers or FG's... STRICT RIGHT!?) but since we have SO much time with our photog (paid deposit and monthly so we only have 3 payments left) we will dress them up and do a lot of pictures before with them at our house. Our photog was also really positive about it, which I was glad about. When we have a head count for the small dinner after I'll figure out if we have the capability to bring in cupcakes or if we should just get a small cake. I guess I could do the cake toppers either way!

Thanks for the support. I am excited to blog about it since I can imagine in this economy, it might happen more often (parents paying but lose their job... or other people with psycho flake-y in laws) so perhaps we can all rally together or even maybe give people ideas!

@ejs4y8 thanks :) Sheet cake is a great idea! We can forget doing a crazy looking thing and get something TASTY instead, LOL :)

And I'm glad you liked the mint brownie post! I have a picture to post still about what they look like finished. I must've gained 2394 pounds on them alone. FI didn't love them (not a huge mint fan) so I think I might try them but with a peanut butter buttercream instead of the mint frosting inside... let's see if I can go domestic diva on 'em! LOL!

PS to all: My fam is HUGE and known for their fun summer parties... my aunt actually got married in AZ where she lives and since most ppl couldn't go, she had a big party at my uncle's for CHEAP that was fun. I'll probably ask the same uncle if he can host this summer for us too. Horseshoe... iPod dj... champagne and any signature drinks I want... a cute j crew sundress and flower fascinator... wedding pictures to show everyone in an album... and maybe with the money I save, I can buy a NICE DSLR camera to take pictures? :)

@kj: I'm so sorry!  I hate that this is happening to you, but just like everyone else has said, I think you can turn these backyard parties into small little receptions and still have a fabulous time!!! And you'll end up with 2 receptions instead of 1!!!

@kjpugs - I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!  If it's any consolation, during the planning I was looking forward to the reception the most.  Of course the ceremony would be wonderful, but who am I kidding, I really wanted to boogie down all night with my friends and family.  Turns out, right after we walked up the aisle after being pronounced husband and wife I was totally satisfied and didn't even need the reception.  I think my actual thought was, "wow, it could be over now and I would be perfectly happy.  I don't need anything else, that was worth everything."  So don't get too down about losing your reception.  Your day will still be incredible.  Also, we had a glorified backyard party for our reception and it was fantastic.  (The chocolate raspberry sheetcake was demolished.)  I think you'll really fall in love with the idea.  There's definitely still a lot of potential. 

(By the way, you've had an amazing attitude about this.  Well done!) 

Aww! I'm sooo sorry! I'm happy you are so positive. Is there anyway you can do a little gathering after the ceremony? I'm not sure where you're having it, but if it's somewhere you can go off to a small room with light refreshments? Maybe a cupcake & you guys can do a dance? Just some ideas! :) Good luck with everything & just remember that you're getting married to your best friend! :)

Thanks guys!

I'm working on the language for our announcement (my mom is emailing our relatives, I'll email friends, FI's friends/fam aren't really affected since they're in Indy) but for our "announcement" (in stead of invitation) we'll have info that we're just doing a ceremony and then a "celebrations" in NJ/IN this summer. Then they can RSVP... yes/no to the ceremony, and then check if they'd be interested in the NJ or IN reception (so we can send them invites to that when we set the dates, etc.)

One of my besties came up with this- this is what I sent our invite designer (she's graciously doing changes ASAP for us... isn't that great!)

I am in love with this phrasing:

Like many Americans, we’ve been hit by the economy.

Some recent changes to our circumstances have forced
us to re-evaluate our wedding plans, and we want to fill you in!

Don’t worry! We’re still tying the knot!
Our ceremony remains set for March 20, 2010 at 3:30 pm
First Meridian Heights Presbyterian Church
Indianapolis, Indiana

However, in lieu of a typical reception, we will have casual backyard
celebrations this summer, both in New Jersey and Indianapolis.

We would love for you to attend what you can!

We are thankful that regardless of financial circumstances,
we have found something in one another that is priceless.
Thank you for being a part of our lives.

Oh and I should add I was unemployed for a good part of the year, so no one will know it was FMIL, and it will make sense.

That sounds great!

Thanks again guys... seriously this support means the world to me. I may sound graceful now but it's taken many tears and a few bottles of wine.

We will later invite our family members and close friends to a dinner after. However, since ALL of FI's friends are here, we are doing them as invites to the close family and friends, since we just want it to be a small intimate dinner (like relatives and wedding party) but of course, we still want his good (non-WP) friends to come to the ceremony. Plus where will depend on the # of ceremony guests!

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.  And I admire that your fiance and you are handling things together and with such grace.  I think a backyard wedding has the potential to be amazing (Mrs. Cheese had a gorgeous backyard wedding!).  Not to mention that the best weddings are ones where the families are both happy, not resentful or worried about finances. I cant wait to hear about your pawfect new wedding(s).

@KMSull after she said that and then insulted my family I started to walk home. FI had to come outside and talk me back in. Yea I was NOT calm initially! LOL! Luckily FI is financially minded but also understands what I need from a wedding and HE actually suggested our new situation. I was looking for cheap halls and stuff... ps- there's no such thing here, apparently!

I'm telling you... wine, wine wine! It makes it allll better! :)

@Rosie Girl They can't be ring bearers but we ARE taking tons of pictures with them beforehand!

@teaparty you are so sweet! YES we have wonderful families (believe it or not, apart from FMIL and her crazy sister, the rest of them are GReAT!) who will all pitch in and I'm sure will be thrilled for us no matter what. I honestly cannot wait! YAY- more parties to plan and look forward to!

My friend on WB and off, Katie, mentioned THEMES for the backyard celebrations. What are some ideas that would be easy to pull off and tie together with light decorations, food, drinks, etc?