Post # 1
Hi everyone! This is going to take just a little bit of explaining to make sense so sorry in advance if it seems long.
My Fiance and I have been together for 6 years. We have everything we need to live on our own, and we will be moving 8 hours away 2 months after the wedding for me to go to grad school. For these reasons, gifts have become the most stressful thing about our wedding. Basically, we don’t want them, and we know it is rude to tell guests that. Instead, we would like to request that our guests give us the recipe to their favorite dessert and, if they like to bake, bring that dessert to the reception for everyone to enjoy. Our wedding is going to be ultra low key and casual anyway. We are having it at a farm, bonfire, corn hole, badminton, and a playground are included, and only family and a very few close friends are invited (very few of which have to travel more than 1 hour). And my side of the family (making up roughly 80% of the guest list) has a potluck-type get together for every major holiday so they are used to this type of thing.
According to etiquette, we would be completely wrong to make such a request, and research yielded opinions on both sides of the issue. Some of those opinions were downright venomous. It seems like everyone on here is really nice and helpful so hopefully I don’t get any venomous responses! What does everyone think about this? Thank you!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel
I think this is a great idea! If I were a guest, I’d be really excited to participate. One concern I could anticipate is if people feel that their dessert isn’t easily transportable, or they end up not having time to make the dessert? Perhaps a request for the recipe, and a suggestion to bring the dessert? (phrased in a way so that if they can’t bring it, no worries)
Post # 4
I think that based on what you have stated that it is a great idea. It really doesn’t matter what etiquette dictates on this. It is your wedding and you should do what will make you and your Fiance comfortable and happy.
Post # 5
What a very sweet and personal request! I wouldn’t be at all put off if a bride and groom asked that of me. I think it’s much warmer than ‘no gifts’ and not tacky like anything hinting at ‘give us money.’ If I got an invitation like yours, I’d happily comply and also send a nice card with a check. That’s probably how many of your guests will respond, and don’t mind the few who are bound to be weird about anything out of the norm.
Post # 6
What a wonderful idea!!
Depending on how formal or informal your invitation is, maybe you could write something on it along the lines of
We’d love you to bring along your favourite recipe, in written or baked form, in lieu of gifts!
or something like that!!!
Post # 7
I personally dislike desserts, in fact the only dessert I will actually eat (and people try VERY hard to get me to eat desserts all the time) is vanilla ice cream with caramel. That isnt’ too easy to transport, so I would probably take a pass on the dessert thing.
But that’s just me, otherwise I think your idea is great! Honestly if I were a guest at your wedding I would give you cash.
Post # 8
This sounds great! If you are having formal invitations (which you don’t need to for this type of wedding) then don’t put the dessert-and-recipe info on the invites, but tell people when they ask where you’re registered, and explain it on your website if you have one. It should be easier to get the word around since you’re having mostly local people and mostly family. Another thing to look at is alternativegiftregistry.org, which might help to keep track of who is bringing what, and you could add a few gifts like copies of family photos or donations to charity or something.
Post # 9
I think that it’s a great idea, since you’re having a low-key, casual event anyway!
Post # 10
Super ridiculously awesome idea. I’ve filed it away in my brain for later =]
Post # 11
You must of tried theknot.com first. Just kidding (but I hear they’re really mean on there). I like the idea, since its a low key wedding. But a lot of people may no bake or cook at all. Or they might not like desserts. I think it might be more plausible to have your family and bridal party spread the word that you guys really can’t use gifts.
Post # 13
No venom here! I think that’s awesome!! I would def. put something on the invite so people know – or a little slip in the invites like how some people throw “the bride is registered at Wm Sonoma”, etc in shower invites.
If I was coming to your wedding – my 1st thought is I’d make cupcakes & buy you a cupcake stand or carrier to go with it. So Fun!!!
Post # 14
LOVE this idea!!! I think it’s super cute and will fit well with your theme and wishes. I like Ryansgirl’s idea of saying to bring the dessert in recipe or prepared in lieu of gifs.
I had friends who didn’t want gifts and asked for donations to charities that were important to them in lieu. Some people will want to give gifts no matter what, my aunt is like that, but hopefully it would be cash so at least you would be able to deposit it rather than transport large items.
Post # 15
I think that’s totally reasonable and going to make for a delicious wedding. Your friends and family probably know you’re packing to move, so it shouldn’t be much a stretch to realize you don’t want to ship or haul gifts. I’m sure they’ll be excited to share their desserts.
Post # 16
I think for a low-key wedding, it woud be great. A larger, more formal event, people might wonder, but with a smaller and more intimate guest list, it sounds like a lot of fun.