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That is a toughie... I would just invite the parents, since they are the ones inviting you. Also, you never know someone else's financial situation. There are a lot of "what ifs" involved. I know I have received "courtesy" invites in the past, and I simply sent a gift and did not go to the wedding. I only go to weddings of close friends and family. Have you talked about your wedding at work? I've deliberatly talked about wanting a small wedding and the fact that my location limits the number of people I can invite. In addtion, will the extra 7 people really attend your wedding? I know, I haven't really answered your question. I don't think it is fair to assume that other people will invite you to their wedding just because you were invited to theirs --this is assuming too much -- financially, the size of the venue, and the type of wedding the other couple wants.
I'm pretty sure they are having a cake and punch reception; its in the afternoon. We have sort of deliberately not talked about our wedding plans, although we have heard all about theirs. That is partly because we wouldn't have invited them except for this... and partly because I know they don't have a lot of money, and are pretty stretched put on the event they have planned. We are spending considerably more, and we just don't want to sound snotty. You know, when they let you know about this great deal at a place where you can burn a playlist to a cd (seriously, not even iPod territory) you can't really respond by talking about the band you hired.
I kind of wonder if we should just get them a really nice gift and plead our already overstuffed guest list. But the fact is it won't kill us to add two people. (I am kind of afraid that all 7 would come if we invited them.)
tanktops.jpg (30.2 KB, 45 downloads) 2 years old 
Well I think the rule is that you should never have to invite any one out of obligation.
That said, I think it's totally fine to just invite the parents, since they are the ones you socialize with. If you weren't friendly with them, their daughter most likely would not have invited you, and I really don't think any of their daughters would be offended if they were not invited to your wedding.
I would just put yourselves in their daughter's place. If your parents invited some of their friends to your wedding, would you be offended if one of those friends who attended your wedding later got married and didn't invite you? Probably not, right?
I agree with sdbride. I think it is fine to invite just the parents. I don't think they would expect you to invite their whole family, especially since you are only a little friendly with one daughter.
But I hear you. We are having kinda the same dilemma with FMIL's best friend's family. Their whole family will add 10 more people to our guest list of 40. We really don't want our wedding to be dominated with their family, so we decided that we will invite just FMIL's best friend and her husband. FMIL will also explain to them that we are having a super small wedding but if any of their kids really want to come they are welcome to come. FI was really close to their kids before they got married and moved to the Bay Area from LA. He was one of the groomsmen for the son and the daughters used to live with FI and his fam for a period of time.
I would just invite the parents if you're going to invite anyone.
My mom is inviting a lot of her friends from work to our wedding, and if one of them were to have a daughter getting married, I would never expect an invitation.
if you've already made your list, stick with it. i was recently invited to a wedding, but they aren't on our original list. we can't possibly invite more for fear that we may not have enough tables. don't feel obligated to invite people.
I agree with Joanna,
I too just received an invite to a wedding of people we did not invite to ours. FH called me all in a tizzy saying we needed to send out an invite to them as well. I said "no"- not on original list- and we want to keep things cozy and intimate.
Stick to your guns if you are on a tight budget or just want close friends and family. Otherwise if its more the merrier and you think inviting them will result in good times- then invite on!
It sounds as though all the daughters are adults and, if invited, would each receive their own invitation anyway. To me this says that you do not need to invite all the daughters. Inviting only the parents would be a fine gesture, if you wish to, although it is certainly not required.
I wonder if the daughter getting married is having a similar debate about inviting you guys...a "these are your friends, not mine" sort of thing.
Angel - I bet she is. We are not only definately more her parents' age than hers, we actually hardly do more than say hello to her. I am sure she doesn't actually know our names.
We know the daughters so well that we were confused for a while - one is 19 and getting married; another is 24 and married and pregnant. We heard about both the pregnancy and the marriage, and somehow assumed it was the same daughter. And were wondering if they weren't doing some risky scheduling as far as the wedding date. After about 6 months we figured out our mistake!
I would just invite the parents- you don't know their daughters and even if you go to the daughter's wedding you were going in your capacity as friends of the parents, not the bride.
I'm with snmcdowel on this one: I think the daughters sound old enough to each be receiving their own invitation, which to me means you get to consider each of them separately. So I wouldn't imagine there'd be any shame in inviting just the parents--in fact, that sounds generous.
My parents were/are frequently invited to weddings that I wasn't--even to weddings where I knew the kids--but where they were really better friends with the parents throwing the wedding. And I was not offended. And I wouldn't be surprised if my parents expect to send reciprocal invites to some of those parents, to my wedding... I think the generational thing is understood, even if you find yourself kinda betwixt generations.
It's interesting that you mentioned a possible monetary/class difference with the couple. ... um, actually, I'm not sure I can come up with an intelligent response based on that, but I find it super interesting nonetheless. And I guess I wonder how much that's part of the debate too...
If the daughters dont know you personally, i dont think they wouldnt even know if they were not invited. i wouldnt want to go to a wedding of someone my parents only know through a hockey game....can you say awkward. if you feel you want to, invite the parents, but i would invite them only.
Well, its not as if we don't want to invite them because of any money/class difference. But that is why we haven't really talked about our wedding plans with them, as caliocteach asked. The mom and dad both are super excited to share all their planning, and we have fun hearing about it, but for them its all about the cost. They did really simple but nice DIY invitations, and we heard all about how hard it was for them to find the ribbon and the charms in a price range they could afford - so it seems snotty to say 'Oh, we are ordering ours online, we have a lovely pocketfold and three inserts, we are still debating about lined envelopes.' You know? I mean its not like we have a huge budget. But we don't really have to worry about every dollar the way they are. Actually they are probably in about the same income bracket as a lot of my cousins, who are schoolteachers and nurses and farmers.
But, since we just really know them from hockey, they won't actually know anybody at the wedding but us (that I know of). Although come to think of it, except for them and their daughters, I don't guess we will know anyone at their wedding.
Thanks for all your input - its really helpful. I think we will assume that we only need to invite the parents, if we invite anyone. And I actually had/have all these pretty strict ideas about the guest list - so I also kind of think I don't really need to invite them - but its funny how the rules you have in your head don't necessarily keep you from worrying about each decision.
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Well, I knew this was coming but it finally happened. The couple who have the season ticket seats next to us at hockey have a daughter getting married. We are social with them, in that we talk to them at hockey games. He also works for the same company I do, so when I see him at work we chat a little. Last weekend they happily presented us with an invitation to their daughter's wedding!
So, now I absolutely know that they expect an invitation to ours. We didn't actually know their last name until they gave us the invitation - and apparently they don't know either of our last names. But it is sweet of them to invite us.
So here's our dilemma. We don't mind inviting them (although they won't actually know anybody else there). But they have three daughters - the one getting married, one already married, and one in college. We are having a dinner reception, and I really have a hard time inviting an additional 7 people!! Our guest list is bigger than we wanted it to be already. Can we justify inviting the parents only - on the theory that they are the ones actually inviting us to their daughter's wedding? (We are a little friendly with one of the daughters, but not the one who is actually getting married. And her we also see only at hockey games...)