(Closed) Reciprocal Guests

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

That is a toughie…  I would just invite the parents, since they are the ones inviting you.  Also, you never know someone else’s financial situation.  There are a lot of "what ifs" involved.  I know I have received "courtesy" invites in the past, and I simply sent a gift and did not go to the wedding.  I only go to weddings of close friends and family.  Have you talked about your wedding at work? I’ve deliberatly talked about wanting a small wedding and the fact that my location limits the number of people I can invite.  In addtion,  will the extra 7 people really attend your wedding? I know, I haven’t really answered your question.  I don’t think it is fair to assume that other people will invite you to their wedding just because you were invited to theirs –this is assuming too much — financially, the size of the venue, and the type of wedding the other couple wants. 

 

Post # 5
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well I think the rule is that you should never have to invite any one out of obligation. 

That said, I think it’s totally fine to just invite the parents, since they are the ones you socialize with. If you weren’t friendly with them, their daughter most likely would not have invited you, and I really don’t think any of their daughters would be offended if they were not invited to your wedding. 

I would just put yourselves in their daughter’s place. If your parents invited some of their friends to your wedding, would you be offended if one of those friends who attended your wedding later got married and didn’t invite you? Probably not, right? 

Post # 6
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I agree with sdbride. I think it is fine to invite just the parents. I don’t think they would expect you to invite their whole family, especially since you are only a little friendly with one daughter.

But I hear you. We are having kinda the same dilemma with FMIL’s best friend’s family. Their whole family will add 10 more people to our guest list of 40. We really don’t want our wedding to be dominated with their family, so we decided that we will invite just FMIL’s best friend and her husband. FMIL will also explain to them that we are having a super small wedding but if any of their kids really want to come they are welcome to come.  FI was really close to their kids before they got married and moved to the Bay Area from LA. He was one of the groomsmen for the son and the daughters used to live with FI and his fam for a period of time.

Post # 7
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I would just invite the parents if you’re going to invite anyone.

My mom is inviting a lot of her friends from work to our wedding, and if one of them were to have a daughter getting married, I would never expect an invitation.

Post # 8
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

if you’ve already made your list, stick with it. i was recently invited to a wedding, but they aren’t on our original list. we can’t possibly invite more for fear that we may not have enough tables.  don’t feel obligated to invite people.

Post # 9
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I agree with Joanna,

I too just received an invite to a wedding of people we did not invite to ours.  FH called me all in a tizzy saying we needed to send out an invite to them as well.  I said "no"- not on original list- and we want to keep things cozy and intimate.

Stick to your guns if you are on a tight budget or just want close friends and family.  Otherwise if its more the merrier and you think inviting them will result in good times- then invite on! 

Post # 10
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sounds as though all the daughters are adults and, if invited, would each receive their own invitation anyway. To me this says that you do not need to invite all the daughters. Inviting only the parents would be a fine gesture, if you wish to, although it is certainly not required.

Post # 11
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

I wonder if the daughter getting married is having a similar debate about inviting you guys…a "these are your friends, not mine" sort of thing.

Post # 13
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I would just invite the parents- you don’t know their daughters and even if you go to the daughter’s wedding you were going in your capacity as friends of the parents, not the bride.

Post # 14
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I’m with snmcdowel on this one: I think the daughters sound old enough to each be receiving their own invitation, which to me means you get to consider each of them separately. So I wouldn’t imagine there’d be any shame in inviting just the parents–in fact, that sounds generous.

My parents were/are frequently invited to weddings that I wasn’t–even to weddings where I knew the kids–but where they were really better friends with the parents throwing the wedding. And I was not offended. And I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents expect to send reciprocal invites to some of those parents, to my wedding… I think the generational thing is understood, even if you find yourself kinda betwixt generations.

 It’s interesting that you mentioned a possible monetary/class difference with the couple. … um, actually, I’m not sure I can come up with an intelligent response based on that, but I find it super interesting nonetheless. And I guess I wonder how much that’s part of the debate too…

Post # 15
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

If the daughters dont know you personally, i dont think they wouldnt even know if they were not invited. i wouldnt want to go to a wedding of someone my parents only know through a hockey game….can you say awkward.  if you feel you want to, invite the parents, but i would invite them only.

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