Post # 1
I know a lot of people here won’t agree with this but I believe ex’s can be friends. My husband is the love of my life and the only man I ever pictured marrying and was my only super serious relationship. The rest of my exes (except 1) are decent friends and it helps because we run into each other in our friendship circles from time to time.
Lately I have been thinking about my high school boyfriend and I really want to send an e-mail checking in and seeing if the friendship doors can open. I hold great respect for this man and at the end of our relationship, we got mean to each other for no reason. I just hate the idea of someone hating me and I think that he never knew how much I appreciated him and he was a good high school boyfriend. I am not wanting to say anything innapropriate or profess my love for him or anything and my husband is completely aware of this. He recently received a message from his high school girlfriend, sharing pictures of her kids and wishing us well and I wished I had that same relationship. Thoughts? Anyone ever do this before?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I see no issue with it. Exs can definitely be friends– my ex MARRIED my husband and me! So long as you’re open and honest about your relationships with your spouse, and they are comfortable with it, there’s nothing saying that you can’t be friends with someone who you have a “history” with.
Post # 4
As long as your hubby is cool with it, then I say, why not? But I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with that.
I am friends with the majority of my exes, and in fact, because of it, one is now friends with my DH – he was even at our wedding. No big deal, as long as everyone agrees what “friendship” means.
Post # 5
I think my biggest fear is him saying “Why now?” We were friends for awhile after we broke up and then I felt like he became incredibly immature and was doing things to get a rise out of me. We were young and now that we are old and adult, I really think about trying to make the effort.
Note: We were high school boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 years and no sexual history.
Post # 6
To be honest, he probably doesn’t care enough to hate you. High school was high school. If he’s in a relationship now you might stir up problems by contacting him. Let sleeping dogs lie. 🙂
Post # 7
I’d set the idea on the back burner for a few months. People change, people grow apart, and not everyone who is special to you at one time in your life is meant to be special to you forever. It’s perfectly okay to grow apart or even have fallings-out that end friendships; this is how we develop as people, and grow. If you wait a few months and still have the desire to reconnect, then it doesn’t hurt to make contact, but if you’re just having a passing moment of nostalgia, you may be better off if you let it run its course; if there’s really nothing worth building a friendship on, it’s kind of counter-productive to try to rekindle what is going to die on its own in time.
Post # 8
If your husband is fine with it then I don’t see the problem with it. My MOH and FI dated for a couple of years, even lived together. It doesn’t cause issues at all. I definitely believe exes can be friends!
Post # 9
If you and your husband are both on the same page about being friends with exes then there is no harm in it. If one of you feels strongly opposed to the idea, then don’t it’s not worth your marriage. I think ex based friendships are all circumstance dependant, if both parties have completely moved on and neither are harbouring ill feelings or worse hoping it becomes more, then no shame being friends.
I’m friends with many of my exes from high school, but none from after high school. all my high school exes were friends prior to dating and after dating, they were all part of my group of friends. Whereas exes after high school tended to be more serious relationships, and were only ever included in my group of friends during the course of the relationship. None of those exes existed in my life outside of the relationship, so it wouldn’t make sense to include them in my life now.
Post # 10
I was friends with my ex and woud still be if he didn’t still have feelings for me and talked badly about my SO. I see nothing wrong with being friends as long as there is a mutual respect for one another and no lingering feelings.
Post # 11
I agree with a lot of the above. Honesty is best, so as long as husband is on board, I would say it’s fine for you to reach out.
I do admit, I like @fishbones thought about waiting a few weeks though. You never know if it’s just a certain time of year that is making you feel this way. (My ex’s birthday was a week ago and I felt nostalgic, big time.)
My SO is still friends with his ex. Like you mentioned I “wish” I had this with my own ex. I wish that he was as mature and respectful as they are to each other. They talk, not often, but wish each other well, and would help the other if the needed it. I would want the same thing, so I can’t disagree with you trying to “nudge” the door open. And as for someone hating you, I used to think THE SAME THING, all the time about my own ex, when he didn’t want contact and didn’t reach out. But the truth was, it was perhaps indifference. I strongly doubt that he hates you. But on a personal level I completely understand wanting to tidy things up and reach out for that connection. If you can do that honestly and simply, I have no problem.
I myself have wanted to and been tempted two or three times to get in contact with my own to nudge the door open. But I’ve always waited a few weeks and the feeling isn’t as strong. I am thinking if it’s going to work, it’s going to work, whether it is now or two years from now. Perhaps the same with you. See how you feel in a few weeks, and if you still want to, go ahead. Good luck!
Post # 12
No you shouldn’t. How would you feel if your husband did that to some of his hs exs? When I was single I did this for attention, but now with my SO so the only attention I want is his.
Post # 13
If your husband is cool with it and its what you want to do, I don’t see what the issue would be.
It does strike me that the reason is because you don’t want anyone to hate you though. To me, it honestly doesn’t seem like a good reason to reconnect with an ex. I have no contact with exes and could care less if they hate me or not. If I were to reconnect with them, it wouldn’t be so they don’t hate me. I don’t know what it would take to reconnect but it wouldn’t come from a place of guilt, which yours seems to. Just my 2 cents though.
Post # 14
@Pupperoni: Why not? To me high school is a lifetime away and I was still a kid really. I have a couple of high school exes on my facebook. I don’t have any ‘real’ exes on there, though.