- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
You all seem so wise, from the time I’ve spent lurking there, even back to the time I was planning my wedding with my ex… so I hope you might be able to help with a dilemma I have.
I was with my ex for 1 year, 8 months. We were generally very happy, we had a kitten together and lived together after a year. We got on very well and had lots in common. We broke up about 5 months ago. For the last 4 months of our relationship, I was very ill. I did not know it, but I had severe depression and PTSD from an abusive relationship I was in previously which I never got counselling for. I admit, I must have been a nightmare. I was crying constantly, pushing him away, yet being clingy as I was terrified of life.
Eventually, he sat me down, and told me he was leaving me as he couldnt stand the arguments and the weird push/pull thing I did anymore. I said “Well, perhaps that proves your feelings for me”, to which he burst into tears and said he loved me more than anything he had ever loved before and he knew my behaviour wasnt my fault but he couldnt do it. I begged him for 2 days to come back, then was hospitalised as I had a nervous breakdown, where I finally got my diagnosis.
When I left hospital, I moved back to my hometown, I deleted him from social media to make it easier for me,stopped contacting him, then started intensive counselling (I have had 2 sessions a week for the past 5 months). I feel like a whole new woman: I am no longer scared of my abusive ex partner from my old relationship (not the one I am writing about), I have new hobbies, I feel confident and truly happy without anything hanging over me for the first time in years.
The one thing that hasnt changed about me really is my feelings for him. I love him with all my heart, and want to contact him. However, as part of loving him, I want him to be happy and I don’t know if my contacting him would make him upset. Should I let him go, or should I contact him and let him know I have dealt with my past, and want to build a clean slate future?