- 7 years ago
I have never told anyone about this including my current partner but I was anorexic for about 5 years I’d say…from the age of 17 to about 22…What started with a simple diet trying to lose a couple of kilos turned into a 5 year long battle..
I’m 162cm and about 49 kg at the moment… I think thats about 5″3 and 108 pounds..
I have weighed 42kg at my lowest and while my ribcage was visible and thighs were very thin, I i didn’t look as bad as some of the real bad anorexic pictures out there…or maybe I thought I didn’t. I wore 25inch jeans so I guess not too bad.
The thing I’m worried about is that…My periods stopped during my 2nd year of dieting… Although I was anorexic, I was very conscious about healthy eating so I still consumed about 1300 calories but did restrict the intake of “fat” in every possible way. I did consume very little amounts of fat as in olive oil, spreads, but mainly had a lot of beans, fruits and vegetables, carbohydrates, etc…
I lost weight fast and combined with daily aerobic exercise I was able to maintain it…My periods stopped – I can’t even remember how long but it all started changing when I graduated from university… I fell in love and started eating again..To cut a long story short I realised I had to change and slowly regained the weight over a period of one year and now I weigh 49kilos (fluctuated a bit between 48 and 53 over the past 3 years).
I have been on contraceptive pills for a long time so it’s hard to know whether I’m getting my periods or not… I took contraceptive pills when I was 18 to force my period…I know that wasn’t really my body telling me to get my period but the contraceptive pill made me have my period which falsely gave me some reassurance.
I do remember having a break from them for a while but can’t remember if I had my period or not…And now I’m in a long term relationship (over 3 years) so I can’t really go off the pill..I just wonder I wonder if i’m fertile or not and my future fiancee even bought the ring today so it’s starting to scare me a lot now..What if im infertile? Would IVF work in my situation? I mean, I still have eggs, right?? I did a lot of google searches about how anorexia would affect fertility but I’m trying to calm myself down by telling myself I didn’t really starve, not one day…but instead it was strict calorie calculation and obsession with calories…I wish I could turn it all back…
I even rang the Family planning clinic and they said that there is no point measuring my hormone levels now because the hormone levels in my body are not accurate due to my taking of the pills. She said it’d take at least 6 months for my body to regulate itself…I guess there is no way of finding out until I actually tried getting preganant….
I’m so happy I will get engaged but this thought keeps haunting me…I love children and can’t wait to have them with my future fiancee but I’m scared it won’t happen and that will be the worst news I hear of my life… I’m so depressed about this right now and am suffering alone as I can tell no one (not even friends, family or my guy)…
Thanks for listening and if you have an personal stories to share I’d appreciate it..