Recoving from third-degree tear

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Did you tear before or after the episiotomy?  There is a lot of evidence that episiotomies cause worse tearing than if you are allowed to tear naturally.

Why not start out with oral sex which is generally more gentle?  Then work up to digital stimulation and then, when you’re ready, move on to penetration?  The first time after labor and delivery is the worst but it gets easier each time after that.  I would highly recommend perineal massage using vitamin E to soften the area and get it used to being touched again.  Your husband can help you with that too.

Post # 4
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

First, I’m so sorry you are going through all of that!  I don’t really have any advice since I had 5 stitches and felt completely fine after 2 weeks.

Second, if you’re having pain and/or tenderness, your doctor should be sympathetic to that. You’re not “totally fine” if you’re still in pain!  I’d maybe seek a second opinion to make sure things are healing the way they should.

I’m sure you’ve talked with your husband about not feeling ready for intimacy, and hopefully he understands.  Even though I didn’t have any issues “downstairs” so to speak, I was still nervous about being intimate again.  I was worried it would hurt, I was nervous that to him it would feel like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, I was self-conscious about my flabby belly and leaky boobs.  Take your time, don’t rush into anything you’re not ready for, and just know that it’s kind of like losing your virginity again- it’s completely awkward but it gets better 🙂

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@daybyday:  I am so sorry that happened to you. It also happened to my friend who had to have a home health care nurse come in and tend to her terribly infected stitches. I haven’t had a baby so I don’t have any advice, but I do have sympathy. I am terrified of birth and the aftermath. I can’t even imagine the pain you are in.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@daybyday:  I am so sorry that happened to you. It also happened to my friend who had to have a home health care nurse come in and tend to her terribly infected stitches. I haven’t had a baby so I don’t have any advice, but I do have sympathy. I am terrified of birth and the aftermath. I can’t even imagine the pain you are in.

Post # 7
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@daybyday:  I had a second degree tear with popped stitches. I didn’t have sex until almost ten weeks after my son was born. Don’t rush it. Do what feels natural to you, and talk to your husband about why you feel the way you do. Everyone’s right, it’ll be awkward and you might need a couple of tries to get it back to how it was before (if not better). You will get better, it just takes time.

Post # 9
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@daybyday:  I don’t think the doctor should be rushing you to have sex just yet. Even if you chose never to have sex again that’s your business and you should do it when you feel comfortable. Even though you have a doctor’s ok to do it, that doesn’t mean you are ready. Give yourself time to mentally recover as well as physically recover. I didn’t have sex for 9 weeks after having my son. I just waited until everything felt normal again and didnt’ feel sore or sensitive. How about having your DH just ease you into it? maybe not full on penetration just yet but just some fooling around to see how things feel in the lady area. don’t worry about having sex just because your doctor says you need to. It’s one thing to get the medical ok it’s another thing for a doctor to demand that you go do it.

Post # 11
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@daybyday:  Ouch — just reading about your experience hurts. I’m so sorry your doctor wasn’t more empathic. I haven’t had a baby, but I would say the decision to resume intercourse should ONLY happen after you are no longer in pain. So sorry!

Post # 12
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@daybyday:  My son is 14, it’s a bit hard to remember all of it. I was uncomfortable, even in cushy office chairs until right around the 12 week mark, but I also was dealing with a nasty kidney infection and surgery from kidney stones. I don’t think I was completely myself against till almost 12 weeks out.

It sounds like a long time, but think of what you’ve just done, and look at people who have c-sections. Do what you need to do, and take your time.  My dr was a b*tch, and told me to have sex before my stitches even came out. 

If you are worried about permanant damage, you can either go to a doc and have it checked, or do the home verision, and have your husband lightly (very lightly) touch your perinium and see if you can feel it. One of the PP had suggested starting sex by degrees, oral and then digital before moving to full on, which is also an option. Having him touch, (or even yourself if you are to scared) will let you know what you are feeling and what you aren’t. 

Post # 15
Member
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@daybyday:  I had an episiotomy and the recovery for me was excrutiating.  I even had to go through 3 months of physical therapy “down there” 5 months after my daughter was born.  All is well and good now but it was unbearable for a long time.  All I know is that the area in that spot is extremely fragile and can take a very long time to heal.  My PT reccommended this lube because it is very mild with no scent or crazy reactions to the skin (nothing like KY warming gel or anything like that).

http://www.amazon.com/Slippery-Stuff-Personal-Lubricant-Soluble/dp/B00009Q95R

Post # 16
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@daybyday:  HA! Trust me, I know that feeling. There was this lady down the street that always had to STOP breastfeeding because she was losing to much weight. 14 years out, I still have all mine, plus some.

It just takes time. Some people pop out babies like they would go to the store, there are others of us that it is a highly traumatic (physically) experience and simply takes longer. My second birth (he’s gonna be 12 next week) wasn’t nearly as traumatic, but it still took me a good 8 weeks to recover.

-hugs- If you can feel everything, I doubt that you have a pinched nerve. Just remember that everything is tender and will be for a bit. It will get better sooner rather than later. Promise.

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