Post # 1
During my teen years I used to have the biggest crush on a friend of mine. We were never extremely close, hanging out every day kind of friends, but I did feel like we sometimes clicked as people. However, I was always too afraid to say anything since not only am I an introvert, I don’t think I was his type (he always goes for curvy blondes, and I was a stick thin olive skin brunette), and I didn’t want to make things awkard back then. So after a few years I moved on, dated other guys and have now been married for 10 years.
However, for the past 3 or 4 years I keep having recurring dreams about this guy which is driving me insane. I haven’t seen him since before I was married and he now lives in another country. I don’t think about him at all during the day and I am quite content in my marriage.
So why does he keep popping in my dreams at night?? I don’t dream about him every night, sometimes it’s months in between, and sometimes only a week. But the guy still pops out of nowhere and into my dreams and quite frankly, it’s irritating. We haven’t talked in years and I had even forgotten about him until the dreams came up.
For example, last night I dreamt two seperate dreams about him. First, that I went to visit a mutual friend and that he was visiting as well, that we talked and connected. Then I dreamt that we were fighting zombies together. Most of the dreams are not sexual. In my dreams, we talk a lot, have adventures, seem to have a spiritual connection, and are attracted to each other. But there’s very little kissing and I can’t ever remember having a full on sex dream. What bothers me is that I always wake up feeling like I have feelings for him, which doesn’t make absolutely any sense to me. It only makes me feel annoyed and guilty for a stupid dream that I can’t control.
Does this happen to anyone else here? What does it mean? And how do you stop it?
Post # 2
I had recurring dreams about my ex for a while. I’ve dated quite a bit, but the person I dated before my dear man was important to me. I just wasn’t important to him.
I had these really weird dreams where I would have a great connection with my ex, and we were getting married and all that. I would wake up and get this rush of feelings for my ex, roll over and see my dear man in bed beside me and get flooded with guilt.
It got to the point where I was afraid to sleep because I hated thinking about my ex that way. It felt like I was emotionally cheating on my dear man who I love more than anyone else.
I debated writing a letter to my ex to tell him I found the person I intend to marry. (My dear man asked for my Dad’s blessing last weekend and I’m sending him ring ideas) I talked to my mother about it over the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday and she said that it would be rude and that my ex will always have a little bit of my heart, but that’s okay.
I realized that it’s okay that I was attracted to my ex, and with that, I was able to let those feelings go. My dear man is 110% more a man than my ex was, and I wouldn’t ever choose my ex over him, even if the opportunity arose.
I just had to let those last lingering feelings for my ex go.
In your case, perhaps you are drifting from your DH? Have you two been connecting lately? Sometimes we show in our dreams what we are desiring from our current relationships.
Post # 3
I experienced a period of time with recurring dreams of an ex that was a close friend for many years. We stayed friends for a while after the breakup, but eventually lost touch with moving around and life carrying on.
The dreams were a lot like yours where there was never anything sexual, but just the two of us being places together or even just seeing him from afar. I didn’t know what to think at first, but as it continued, I decided to just reach out and see how things were with him. I felt like maybe I needed to if it was creeping into my subconscious. (Not that you need to reach out, but that was the choice I made at the time)
I talked to his mom since that was the last number I had of his that was still working. She told me that he had been deployed and was in an accident overseas. She said it was pretty serious injuries, but that he would recover. I was relieved to hear that and was glad that I reached out.
My story probably doesn’t help you much because I don’t know if, in your situation, you would want to reach out. I do think sometimes things happen to us to open our eyes. If you were close friends with him, maybe there’s still a friend connection there that is surfacing in your dreams. It doesn’t always have to be about attractions or crushes. Maybe it feels that way because you did once have a crush.
In any case, it is normal to have people from our past creep up in our thoughts whether awake or asleep. Could be that your mind just wanted you to remember a fond time from your past.
Post # 4
ellie17: I had a similar thing happen. We dated in high school, then broke up (he lived 6000 miles away). Then dated again. Then got engaged and I moved to his country, then he dumped me. Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I would have dreams about him every now and again and by no means did I think about him or want to be with him. It was just irritating because you can’t controle dreams, can you?
Then yeeeears later we reconnected on FB, just as friends. We had a couple long talks and one thing he said is he’d been cheating on his wife for SEVEN years! I don’t know if that particular comment was what did it, but I have never dreamt about him since! Lol!
Post # 5
shiver23: We’ve been together for so many years that we’ve had our ups and down, but never anything serious that could break our marriage. My husband and I haven’t been spending much time alone to go out the last year and a half since our daughter was born, but these dreams started before I was even pregnant, so I don’t think that the lack of dates is what is the cause. I tried to think about how I’m feeling that particular day before my dreams, but my moods are not consistent, I get the dreams on good and bad days.
When I was a teenager, I used to have recurring dreams about another childhood friend of mine who I knew since our crib days. I had moved away when I was ten so we didn’t see each other very often after that. But at fifteen, I started having frequent dreams about him, usually that I was driving a car with him sitting in the back looking sick. I would ask him what was wrong and he wouldn’t answer. Well, after a year of these dreams we saw each other at my birthday party and I learned that he was using drugs. I talked to him about it (I am very much anti-drugs) and then the dreams went away. In this case, it was obvious what I had to do and I did it. However, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with these dreams about my old crush.
Post # 6
TheHappyWife: Wow, I’m sorry to hear that about your friend. I hope that he has been able to recover fully. All my respect for him.
I think it would be extremely weird for me to call him up since we haven’t talked in years. We are connected on Facebook and with mutual friends, but since everyone has moved to other countries and states, we haven’t been face to face or had any serious conversations. If the chance presents itself, I will talk to him to see if it becomes obvious why I have been having these dreams. Otherwise, I’ll leave it alone.
I have been thinking about it since I posted this thread and I think that we used to have a spiritual connection, if that makes any sense. I got this flashback that before he became popular in high school, other kids used to think he was an oddball. Well, I was one too (that hasn’t changed), and we used to have religious and philosophical talks that I don’t think anyone else was able to keep up with. Still, I have no idea if this is the trigger. It’s very confusing.
Post # 7
RedHeadKel: Wow what a jerk! In retrospect, I bet you’re happy he ended it. Imagine being stuck in another country with a cheater. Things really do work out for the best.