- 5 years ago
I work in the wedding industry, so I understand a lot of the costs associated with the day and I know how to save. Like for one thing, I will not skimp on what I feel is important – regardless of destination/local wedding.
But, I feel like I can’t win. My parent’s have offered $20k for the wedding in addition to what we’ve saved. We’ve got a decent budget – but we’re still not home owners (haven’t found the one we wanted). My mom said it’s up to us if we’d prefer the $20k for house or wedding and have a destination. Here in lies the problems.
Fi, doesn’t want to have a destination if no one will come… we would have to pay for his parents to go, his siblings would refuse – all around making it feel impossible. His mom already confronted me asking us not to have a destination wedding since fi’s sister has children and it would be a “big trip” for her. I was so offended, it wasn’t even a “well, it might be difficult but we can think about, or hopefully it will work or maybe she could go and leave the kids with inlaws”. Even if we gave them two years, and probably even paid they’d complain.
Fi’s family isn’t classy, they’re farm folk. His father refuses to get a passport because he “doesn’t want to be watched”. They make such poor financial decisions and are very conservative christians. Don’t get me wrong, I love them to pieces as people and am thrilled how nice they are but they are bare minimum people. Fi and I are totally different. We’re working professionals, enjoy fine things and don’t like half ass. We work really hard and strive to make good deicisions. I told fi that he has to be okay if they don’t come if we go away, but a good way to comprimise is sign papers/back yard farm thing at their place and they can be there. But then fi goes, whats the point in going away if we do that.
His biggest worry with going away is it “wouldn’t feel like a wedding”. And I don’t know what to do. A destination makes financial sense for our future. But I’m fine with planning a local one but its genuinely is a lot of money. But then I am the one losing, because I will be DIY’ing, stressing, even with a day of co-ordinator. I am in the wedding industry, and truly having a potluck at a hall with paper plates… not happening. Not saying there aren’t ways to plan on a budget. It’s just brutal when a destination is beautiful, you cant compare them to any local weddings, and financially it makes sense, even hiring to bring a photographer we love.
I just feel frustrated, and about ready to buy a dress, and drag his butt to city hall and call it day. The only reason he doesn’t want to go away isn’t because he wouldn’t like it, it’s because of his family, the family he only visits or calls once in a blue moon. I have to respect his feelings, but I feel like I don’t have a say.
I tell all my clients the wedding day is for yourselves, in 5 years no one will remember your wedding the way the two of you (maybe your moms). I genuinely feel we should do what we feel is important to us. WE ARE SAYING OUR VOWS. no one else. Everyone has choices, and they choose what they feel is right for them. Why is there so much judgement?! It’s just so brutal that a wedding is so much less about the couple but everyone who has to have their “say” or “opinion” or just have to be an obstacle. I just don’t understand it, especially when there is no cost to them.
i’m just done and don’t even want to have a wedding anymore. I’m fine being engaged forever. gaaaah