Post # 1
Ok so some recent posts on here have me thinking. I have this one Bridesmaid or Best Man that is really making me question my decision… Here are the recent occurances that got me questioning:
Strike 1- I recently had an engagement party and she was one of only 3 people that came empty handed. I know u are not supposed to expect gifts but she said to me on that day “I rushed here from work and forgot your card at home.” I have seen her twice since then and no mention of the card again. This got me thinking to previous events… I few birthdays ago she did the EXACT same thing. Came to my party empty handed and told me she forgot the card at her uncles house (where she got ready) Years later- I never got that card. I worry, what if she does that for the wedding? I will never hear the end of it from my mom!
Strike 2- The day I wanted to go buy my dress she was supposed to come with me. The night before she tells me she is sick and wont be able to make it. Ok, no problem right? Well I didn;t want to go alone so I asked my neighbor (a mutual friend of ours) and she came with. When I told her Bridesmaid or Best Man was sick she said “Really? She has game night at her house last night, weren’t u invited? Needless to say I was MAD. Confronted her later and her excuse was her roommates had game night and she only asked a few people but when t o bed at like 10 o’clock. I still find it fishy…
Strike 3- Now its time to buy her dress. She knows it will take 3 months to special order and I told her I want hers to be ordered first before I tell my other out of state BM’s to order theirs. That way i know if any changes need to be made. Well one week passes and she is unavailable. Then last weekend it was set -we were going to buy it… and suddenly she cant because her car need a repair…is it true? I have no idea?? But I am really starting to question this relationships.
Any thoughts from outside parties? Should I reconsider having this girl as a part in my special day? How many strikes before your out!??
Post # 3
I don’t think she’s necessarily out of line as a bridesmaid but I think you need to reevaluate if you want this person in your life at all. It doesn’t sound like she’s very committed to your friendship in general. Hope it works out!
Post # 5
I’m not sure that any of these are terrible offenses individually, but added up, it doesn’t sound like she’s placing a whole lot of importance on you and your day. Has she made any mention of rescheduling the dress ordering? Or are you alawys initiating the conversations?
Post # 6
@MissMellow: I am always the one initiating. Last weekend she said this weekend. should I wait and see if she brings it up? If not, then what?
Post # 7
Tell her you need her to order the dress by such and such date, or she can’t be in the bridal party. That way its all on her to make it happen, and if she doesn’t then it’s her own fault.
Post # 8
I agree with SnowPeony, that way you can see if she really is going to make the commitment and if not, you can move on without being the bad guy.
Post # 9
I also agree with SnowPenny.
Post # 11
haha was my response THAT unhelpful?
Post # 12
@destiny1120: I’d say get rid of her as a friend b/c she doesn’t sound like much of a loyal friend and def. get rid of her as a bm. I am, however, judgemental and get upset easily. Just sayin’…
Post # 13
It sounds like she may have some financial problems and she is trying to hold out as long as she can. This issue comes up all the time. BMs can feel pressured into accepting to stand by your side as a Bridesmaid or Best Man even though it could be a financial burden for them. They will not always tell you because of being embarrassed or disappointing you. I would talk to her if first and if you are able to offer some assistance.
Post # 14
@destiny1120: I agree with SnowPeony. Let her know that the dress needs to be ordered by XXX date – no excuses. Otherwise, she unfortunately won’t be able to be in the wedding party. That way, you’re letting her know up front what your expectations are, and if you do have to ask her to step down, she’s prepared for it.
Post # 15
Maybe give her an out…Say something like “Id love you in my wedding party but if you feel this will be to much of a financial burdon on you im ok with that, lets not ruin our friendship over this.” If she says yes she really wants to be in it say “awesome! let order your dress now then!” lol i had this problem too lucky for me, or unlucky, she was just plain removed do to serious issues.
Post # 16
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you want her to order the dress with one or two weeks notice? That could definitely be a problem for her financially. It’s a good rule of thumb to give everyone at least a couple months (or at the very least, a single month?). I know you want her to order her dress first, but you just might have to give her the same amount of time that you’re giving the out of state BMs.
About the cards–she sounds like a flake. Does she show up to things and support you in your life when it doesn’t involve material things? Because if she doesn’t, I would dump her, but if she’s just not good with cards and such, I don’t really think I would end a friendship over it.