Post # 1
My mom is throwing my fiance and me an engagement party, and my FMIL sent me an article about engagement party protocol. One paragraph says:
“Protocol suggests that [the invitation] NOT mention ‘engagement party,’ but instead write the couple’s names ‘in honor of Susan Daughter and Bob Fiancé’ at the top of the invitation. By not including the words ‘engagement party’ you eliminate the question of gifts, which are generally not appropriate for this occasion.”
This seems a little strict to me—our invitations (which have not been sent yet) say “Please join us to celebrate the engagement of …” and I thought that was fine. However, this got me thinking, so I googled a few more engagement party etiquette articles, and others said that it’s a good idea to register before the engagement party just in case people DO want to get you gifts.
I’ve already done some preliminary registering, so that’s not a problem, but now I’m wondering if I should put up one of the registries on our wedding website. The URL is on the engagement party invitations, so I’m a little concerned that directing guests to a site which happens to have our registry on it would be presumptuous. But then again, the purpose of the site is to provide all the information that guests might possibly want.
Did any of you have a registry prepared before your engagement party? Did you put it up on your wedding website, or just let it spread by word of mouth?
Post # 3
Everyone told me to register before my engagement party and we got a ton of stuff and a ton of money. It may be a cultural thing and I don’t know what your background is but old-school Italians don’t come to parties like that without a gift or check in hand. It’s considered bad form.
We did word of mouth.
Post # 4
I didn’t have an engagement party, but my wedding registry is on our wedding website and I’ve told family members where we’re registered out so that they can spread the word.
Post # 5
We did NOT register before our engagement party because everything I’ve read said guests are NOT required or expected to bring gifts. We even put on our invitation which stated on the front: ‘We’re Engaged!”, and inside: ‘Your Presence is Your Present.’
Now did everyone abide by this? No, we did receive cards, gift cards and several gifts all of which were rushed immediately into the living room as to not make other guests who did not bring a gift feel uncomfortable. And it worked out just fine.
Post # 6
We didn’t have any kind of engagement party because of this reason. Theres not really any good way to ask for “no gifts.” Even when you say no gifts please; people will still bring them. I think if your just trying to have a fun get together with no gifts and just BBQ or Pizza; I would just call people to invite them. Typically anything I actually receive a a paper invitation for; I usually assume gifts are expected. I think most others will think that too by actually receiving an invite in the mail.
Post # 7
My parents threw an engagement party for us. We had a wedding website and had registered beforehand so the registry info was on our wedding website. Some people sent us gifts, others gave us cards but most guests didn’t give anything. Whereas guests really should bring gifts to a shower (it is the point!) and should bring gifts to the wedding (it is really rude not to), it is not required to bring gifts to an engagement party. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t register or shouldn’t make that information available to your guests. I look for it when my friends get engaged, so I appreciate it when there is a registry. I say put your info on your site, include the site because it has info about your wedding. Guests who want to bring you gifts will, and those who can’t or are already spending money to travel to your party (as many of our guests were) won’t and both are more than fine.
Congrats on being engaged! Enjoy your party!
Post # 8
I’ve only been to a couple engagement parties and wouldn’t expect to see a registry on the website. (Actually, I think it would seem weird to see a website right after the engagement.) I know that older people who look at those sites in a different way than you or I might… maybe consider that asking for a gift to see a registry or a website link to a registry on a engagement note… Save the date cards are different… because the guests view that you have had time to think about dates, showers, and other pre wedding festivities. I’m not from a region that has a lot of engagement parties, so if it’s something that’s common in your area… then it makes total sense!