(Closed) Registering for a house

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think there is a non-rude way to say “Help us pay for a house”. I would have someone spread by word of mouth that you’re trying to save up for a house, and hopefully people will give you cash.

Post # 4
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t know much about it, but there are regestries you can set up where people can gift you money. A quick google search produced this, not sure if it’s really what you are looking for:

 

http://www.ehow.com/how_5303057_create-down-payment-wedding-registry.html

 

You could also put your pay pal information on your website, with a note about wanting to start your new life together in “your” house, or something along those lines. I would still register at one store, maybe upgrade some items or get some fun new things, just so it doesn’t look like all you want is cash. Your family and bridal party can pass on the information that what would really help you out the most is a little help buying your dream home. HTH!

Post # 5
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Instead of setting up a traditional registry, set up a honey-fund style registry where people can give you cash/charge gifts instead of physical ones. 

 

I would recommend setting us a SMALL registry with regular items though– there will be some guests who aren’t comfortable giving you cash, so having an option for them would be considerate.  But it doesn’t have to be at a bed/bath store– you can register at REI, or Amazon, or any number of other businesses.  Then just make sure your wedding party and close family know to spread the word that you’re hoping to buy a house soon. 

Post # 6
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Registering for cash is an etiquette no-no.  There isn’t really a polite way to do it.

You can let those closest to you know that you are saving for a house and that any monetary gifts you receive will be put towards a down payment.  They, in turn, can let guests who ask – know that you’re open to cash gifts.  But you can’t really tell guests “GIMME MONIEZ 4 A HOUSE!!” (Not that I really think you would ask like that.) 

Post # 8
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You can use a website like this one.  I say register for what you need. If it’s a home, then so be it.  People have the option not to participate or to buy you something or nothing else.  I don’t believe you should register for things you don’t need in the name of etiquette.  As long as you spread the word on your website or word of mouth, I see nothing wrong with it.

Post # 9
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Make sure to check fees on these money registries.  Most of them will charge the giver a percentage fee on top of the donation.  We didn’t need anything either and we had it spread by word out mouth that cash would be best because we were moving and would need to set up a new home.

Post # 10
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no polite way to do this.  However, if you did try to do it, other posters have given you websites that will act as the medium. 

Personally, I would not give to one of these, so be prepared to have more traditional guests opt not to use the registry.

Post # 11
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As stated asking for gifts in any way shape or form as the Bride & Groom is an Etiquette faux-pas

And if you do it, then it can backfire on you, and people will actually go out of their way not to give you what you want, or give you nothing at all

This is part of the reason that Etiquette can be a touchy subject, and WHY it is best to learn the rules of how it operates

Word of mouth is the best way to get the info out there that you are saving for a house… then have your Family Members (and FI’s too) as well as your Bridal Party willing to give some sort of set reply should anyone ask

Q “We are invited to the Wedding, any idea what the Bride & Groom might like”

A1 – “I understand that they’ve registered at Target (or whatever store) so something off their list might be nice, but truly I think they’d be pleased with anything you brought”

A2 – “I’ve heard they are saving up for a Downpayment on a house, so a cash gift might be nice… although I think they’d be pleased with anything you chose to give”

Post # 12
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see why these etiquette rules don’t evolve with the times.  I used to have a finishing school manual from the 60’s and I can guarantee you none of the behavior is perceived as normal ladylike behavior now.  If brides and grooms and weddings themselves are changing, why are we so inclined to stick to the dated etiquette?

 

I haven’t been to a wedding in the last decade that didn’t include somewhere in the invite where the bride and groom were registered.  If someone asked for cash and their “friends” didn’t get them cash just to spite them for asking for what they really needed then perhaps they need to re-evaluate those friendships. 

 

Ask for what you need.  Register for what you need.  (In my humble opinion)

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

“Etiquette rules” do not evolve with the times because they are timeless, and all about being polite.  Politeness does not change.  It would have been rude 50 years ago to leave your dinner companion to take a call at a the restaurant phone, just as it would be rude now to answer your cell phone on a date.

People will know that cash is an acceptable gift.  They always know.  And web sites that PPs mention likely take a cut, so you aren’t even getting the full dollar amount of the gift.  Spread the word that you are saving for a house.  If relatives ask that is a totally acceptable answer.

Post # 14
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry I would consider this rude. Have you had a shower yet? If no, I recommend making a small registry with about a dozen items ranging in price (more or less depending on how many guests). I’m sure you can think of some things, or upgrade a couple things you already have to nicer/fancier ones. At a shower guests will want to bring gifts, not cash.

For the wedding just leave a few things on the registry and remember most stores allow you to return for cash or credit. Most people I feel would get the hint that your registry is “sold out”if there’s only a couple things left and will just bring cash anyways. 

I would say to register at a store where you can return things for credit that has items you’d need for a new house, like Kohl’s, Sears, Target or Macy’s. These stores sell furniture that you can use your credit toward. You can even get things like bathroom hardware, faucets, etc. Avoid stores like Williams Sonoma, Sur La Table, Crate and Barrel that would be pretty pointless to have credit to.

Post # 15
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

go to bed bath and beyond, register, and return the gifts for cash, or things you’d have to get anyway (towels, shampoo, etc) then save that money for the house

there is no proper etiquette to ask for money. you can spread this mpny word of mouth, but you will also get registry/shower gifts you can’t return

Post # 16
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

SmileFirst let me say I respect everyone’s opinions.

Tebo-to-be (message) -This is old and you are married. YAY 

@Bunny82AMEN, agree with you 100%. Here is where I get puzzled, is it rude to register for a housewarming party? Baby Shower? Bridal shower? No it isn’t right. We already KNOW what the party is for, so then why would the host create a list of things they would love to have?………ahhhh I see, dare I say it  to let people know  what they want right?Smile  I personally think it is the same, just not to be included with the invitation just on the wedding website because if non relatives  ask you what you want and you tell them cash is it okay or not okay?

Good thing I threw out that etiqutte book a long time ago.

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