- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Is anyone else having culture clashes that are making registering stressful? I’m not even talking about ‘real’ cultural differences . .
I never realized how localized tradition and etiquette could be until I loaned my NC wedding etiquette book to a friend from IN and she was horrified by half the ‘rules’ in the book. Now I’m having a NC-WI/urban-rural wedding and registering is a nightmare! FI says it’s typical to have $50/household for wedding gifts, yet I know that my hometown it’s more like $75/person, . . easy enough to manage this difference, but that’s just the beginning. In my family, you definitely have ‘timeless’ objects on your registry and FI absolutely wouldn’t have a $20 plate on there. So we compromised that I got to splurge and register for crystal at $45/glass . . for my family to buy I guess? So that worked out. But yet there’s more . . .
For all those who rant about people coming to weddings with nothing . . well, where i come from, you absolutely come to a wedding with nothing, so don’t judge people too harshly. The logic behind showing up with nothing is you don’t want to burden your hosts with having to take stuff home at the end of the night (the guest book is where you mark your wishes the day of the wedding). You make sure your gift/card magically gets to them at another time, which online shopping has greatly helped. And in fact, giving a wedding gift after they get back from their honeymoon may be the most polite option because they have a home together to store it in (traditionally speaking), thus we have up to a year after the wedding to give gifts. The first wedding I went to as an adult in NC, I ignorantly showed up with a gift and was soundly told off by a bride’s relative! It was mortifying. So I have showed up at many many weddings with nothing, having sent a gift to their home weeks before.
FI’s experience looks to be more what people here generally say – you show up to the wedding with a card and sometimes a boxed gift, and we’ve definitely made a hurried stop on the way to a wedding for his card desires. I just never even think of it, but am extremely etiquette conscious . . it’s just not part of my version of strict etiquette.
So, now we need to mix these two cultures successfully at our wedding. In the end. the best thing I’ve been able to think of is to spread the word that everyone’s etiquette is very different and we should all just have a good time and not worry about what we are supposed to be doing! That’s how we feel about it.
Can anyone relate to this?