Post # 1
My cousin, who has been engaged for about a year, just abruptly announced she will be getting married “sometime in July”, with a reception a few days (maybe a week?) later than the ceremony day. She is asking guests to bring their “most famous dish” for the reception. I don’t mind that. Her sister, however, is planning a surprise shower for her. Fine. But she is planning it for one week before the wedding/reception! She also has been doing the registry process for her, since it is a surprise shower. Has anyone ever heard of this? And, is it tacky to ask guests to bring a gift two straight weeks in a row? It will be especially taxing on my mother and I since we work for the local school and are out for the summer. And, we have been planning a surprise baby shower for someone to be held one week after the reception!
My cousin and her FI have very little money, and live with my aunt and uncle. Her sister is registering her at like FOUR different stores, and there is only close friends and family invited. They have no place to put anything, since they don’t have their own place, and it looks like they won’t be getting one any time soon. She and her FI have not been together that long, and it seems like she is rushing for some reason. I understand she loves him, but I love my FI as well and he and I have to wait until we both have more money. Don’t want to start off in debt.
Would you buy gifts for a shower/reception if there was no ceremony?
Post # 2
brendaray2009: I am assuming there will be a ceremony, if she is getting married. They may not be inviting everyone to the ceremony, but still want to celebrate with friends and family.
Other than the fact that the shower and reception are close together, so it could be a budget concern for some guests purchasing two gifts close together, I see no difference between her situation and any other.
I would buy a gift for the shower and if money was tight, you could always send a wedding gift later. Do at least take a nice card to the reception.
Post # 3
I would just bring a gift to the shower and not the wedding.
Post # 4
julies1949: She seems to be getting married at city hall. They have nothing planned really. It is all very scattered.
Post # 5
If money is a problem, buy the shower gift now (July is a fair amount of time away) and then buy the wedding gift in July shortly before the wedding. You don’t have to buy both gifts the week of. You have time to spread it out.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s rude at all to have the shower one week before the wedding. I also don’t know why it matters that they don’t have anywhere to put anything. It is strange to ask guests to bring food though…
Anyways, I would probably bring a gift to both events- do what you can afford.
Post # 7
If the bride is asking you to bring a dish to the reception, I would assume that the dish you bring is the gift. Buy a physical gift for the shower. If you don’t want to gift anything that is on the registry then give a gift of your choice or just give cash.
Post # 8
Here is what I would do. Have your shower gift be from both you and your mother. I would get her a small gift card to Victoria’s secret, like 25 dollars or something and have the card say to get something for the wedding night, you mentioned that she might not have room for something so this solves that problem. Then you and your mom can decide if you each want to get her something off the registry for the wedding or if you want to go in on something together. Hopefully there will be items in your price range on the registry! You don’t need to break the bank to get 2 things, just get what you can afford.
Post # 9
If you financially can afford 2 gifts, I think it would really mean a lot to her. It sounds like shes in the midst of some struggles and the support of her family and friends would probably mean the world.
Post # 10
To me if I was asked to bring a dish for a wedding that would be my gift (especially if she wants you to make enough for everyone). I would get them a shower gift though.
Post # 11
Bexx: The problem with her struggles is that she refuses to do anything better than what she is doing now for a job. She and her FI also do not like paying any type of board to my aunt and uncle, who are also struggling due to my uncles medical condition. They also have a slew of animals which limits the type of place they can get (two dogs, a cat, a bird, gecko, and a snake). I love my cousin dearly, but her FI is not the most friendly person. She used to be fun, now she complains about EVERYTHING, and if something doesn’t go her way, he puts the blame on everyone else. Really weird.
Post # 12
I swear my grandmother is Emily Post reincarnated sometimes and she has said for my own wedding that gifts at the wedding aren’t the right thing to do. Gifts are given at the shower. Gifts that show up at the wedding are from those who either couldn’t make the shower or weren’t close enough to the bride to be invited to the shower. Personally, my shower is six days before my wedding. And I’m not expecting two gifts from people.
I would just bring a gift to the shower and a card with maybe a small monetary amount to the wedding.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I would not buy a gift for a shower one week before the wedding, then buy a second gift for a wedding one week later. (I hate showers in general, but still.) That just seems like a lot to ask of your guests. However, if the only people celebrating are close friends and family, they may be inclined to do so as a gesture to help out.
Post # 14
Well, all has changed! She changed her wedding date to September instead! Something about her FI’s family saying that the wedding was way too close to plan properly. Takes a lot of pressure off. They are registered at three different places, and only have about 40 guests invited. They really need money, so they can get their own place. I think I will buy a physical gift for the shower, and a monetary gift for the wedding. It is tough though, since I am planning my own wedding. Time will tell.