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I don't think its appropriate to send it w/ the WEDDING invite - I think its fine to send it w/ the SHOWER invite though (because you are not the one hosting it, someone else is).
You can list the registries on your shower invite and on your wedding website (which you can include on your STDs).
I would say these days there is a lot of flexibility with was is right and wrong for weddings. Everyone has their interpretation of what works and doesn't work for their special day. But I would say as far as registry information included in an invitation that is still considered to be an area where there is no flexibility. It is not considered acceptablee to send out registry cards or other information. It has become acceptable to send out registry information in a Bridal Shower invitation since this is a party given for the Bride (and Groom) by someone else. So this has become socially acceptable. YOu can also include information in a website, as it is not directly included in your invitation and more subtle. If you wish to stick with what is considered to be socially acceptable, do not send your registry information with your invitations. If this is common/accepted by your circle or family and friends then by all means send it out, but by most people's standards of etiquette it is not considered polite. Sorry to say.
I would never put it in nor would I ever want anyone to put one in something hosted for me. Its to "gift grabby" for my taste
Hmm interesting comments ladies. I've been to over 20 weddings and all have included registry cards. It's a bit of a norm in my group I guess. I had never been offended by it in the least. I come from a huge Cuban family that basically has been asking for my registry info since the day I got engaged.
Here's another question, since we do not have a wedding website and not all guests are invited to the bridal shower--how do they know about your registry? I feel it's even worse to tell them "hey, I registered at..."
Although I won't be putting my registry info on my invites or inserts, I will add my two cents to the Internet savvy comment. Our group of friends is very techy and we will have only had 3 people post on our wedding website. Two of my girls had no idea where I was registered, including my MOH who laughed as she told me a story about her mother asking where we were registered and her replying, "Wow, I actually have no idea!"
Pre-Internet, things spread word of mouth a LOT faster and easier than they seem to today. People are lazy (myself 100% included) and want to receive all their info in an email. I have a feeling that plenty of people who don't know where we registered will take it on over to Macy's and look us up, buying something there although I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to cancel that registry for the past week. Oh well I guess!
I think it all depends on where you live and how each family does things differently....
I went to a wedding in which the bride and groom put their registries and "wish list" in w/ the wedding invite - its all everyone talked about!
People will figure out were you're register by word of mouth - many family members called up my mom and asked her. My FMIL also spread the word when people asked her. If people don't know, they will most likely give cash/gift cards - which (from where I am) this is the norm for weddings.
It really is a word of mouth thing. You tell your family, and your guests ask your family. And so the word spreads.
There is an etiquette reason for not including the info in your wedding invite. The thing is, if you put it in there it is basically an assumption on your part that all of your guests are giving a gift. However, while most will, it is not an obligation or a requirement. Your guests' only requirement is to show up if they said they would (and not to if they said they wouldn't) and to celebrate and share in your joy on a very special day. To assume everyone is giving you a gift is the wrong thing, therefore per etiquette including registry information in your wedding invite is the wrong thing.
The reason it's etiquette approved in a shower invite is twofold. First you don't host your own shower so you're not asking for gifts for yourself. Second, the entire point of a wedding shower is to shower the couple with gifts. Different scenario entirely.
Please note, I'm not making a judgement call on anyone here. Just explaining the reasoning behind the reaction you're seeing.
I think it depends on your guests. My guests expect me and others to put registry info in the invitations because they don't want to go searching (or ask around) for the info. That is the norm for us. I may not include it in everyone's invite (classmates/co-workers) to make sure I don't offend those who find it rude.
I feel it's even worse to tell them "hey, I registered at..."
You're right, that is worse :) Therefore, don't just offer it up... Wait for them to ask. Or they will ask your family. Or they will do a quick internet search to figure it out.
I agree with the others -- I would never do it. It's blatantly asking for presents, which you don't do at any other time.
I think this a rule because it's actually likely to offend guests - maybe not all of them, but it would annoy me to get a registry card in an invitation. You're inviting people to come celebrate your marriage -- gifts are not supposed to be expected, and including that in the invitation makes it seem like you expect a gift, and also you picked it out already.
I really don't want this to come across as rude - I tried to write it nicely :) You're right, Weddingbee is a pretty positive place.
@ christalynn11: I agree that people want all their info now. With my line of work, friends and fam that is typically the norm.
@MrsJKH2be: I definitely agree that where you're from and family are all factors. In my family they typically always give a small bridal shower gift and then the day of the wedding it's either something big from your registry or cash. It's very normal to do that to us.
Thanks for all the advice and feedback! While I do not expect gifts, I don't want my guests to think they HAVE to give me money because I didn't include registry.
@ Truegem: Mine are the same. I don't see it as a big deal because I've been to about 85% of my guests' weddings and they all included registry cards.
@Encore: some of my guests do not know my family so the only way they'd find out is through me. My family always gifts small things for the bridal shower and then gifts our registry items at the wedding. I'm the baby of the fam so this has been going on for years.
@Tarlonda: I respect your opinion.
I really think the "rule" that you cannot mention the registry or gifts in the invitation needs to die out already. I really do not see what is so offensive about it. Having the information in the invitation saves guests from having to call around. I think it's just more practical for everyone.
@deathbydesign: that's how I see it. I've never really known anything else when it comes to other people's weddings and invitations.
It would make me nervous to list the registry info with the invites, but I will most definitely include a card that gives our website info (and that contains the registry links!). It's a non-confrontational way to get the right info out without seeming pushy, IMO.
(I'm not calling anyone here pushy; it's more a definition for myself.)
@lilacwire: I like that idea A LOT. I think I'm going to do something like that with my invitations. We're doing a honeymoon registry since we live together and don't need all the typcial registray stuff from Bed Batn and Beyond and whatnot. ;) I haven't set up a wedding website, though!
I was recently invited to a bridal shower and I recieved the registry note in that invitiation. It also asked guest to consider gift cards or home delivery of registry items since the couple lives in another state.
I don't think it's the worst wedding offense - there are far greater things that could take place at the actual wedding ;)
I personally don't think the wedding invite is the place for registry cards. Those that aren't internet savvy can always ask.
I requested registry info not be included in my shower invites.. so maybe I take it to the extreme.
As someone whos family (as a whole) is not tech savvy and would not know how to access or care to use our wedding website, I can see how people saying "just put it on the website" would not be a very practical solution.
I have received several invitations in which the registry was included and was not offended. However, common etiquette's viewpoint (examples: good housekeeping, miss manners) will tell you that including registry info on your invite is a big no no. They argue that it implies that you are putting more importance on the gift rather than the guest.
I think it is best to take into account who you will be sending the invites to, will they be offended? Or will they also view it as the norm?
If you wish to ere on the side of caution. Omit them from the invites and ask your close family and friends to spread the word if people ask.
I think etiquette should change as society changes. As a society, we don't practice 90% of what a book of etiquette would outline we do, so why do we all the sudden become etiquette elitists when it comes to a wedding? I think having a registry card inside the invitation is actually practical, since then guests don't have to call around to ask for the registry information.
I think, since this is something that is normal within your particular circle, that you will be fine to include a registry card and likely no one will be offended. however, it IS commonly considered rude in other circles as indicated by the majority of opinions in this thread. To include that info is basically the same as asking for a gift, which is actually not something your guests are obligated to give you. obviously you don't expect gifts, but it gives that impression which can be bad. So that is why people say it's tacky or rude. but like i said i bet you'll be fine since it is the norm among the people you know. this is why a lot of traditions or etiquette rules change, it depends on the perceptions of the people involved. i was slightly offended when i saw on a blog that it is apparently extremely rude to have shower guests fill out their own address on an envelope intended for their thank you note. i have seen that done so many times and it never offended me, i actually thought it was a really great idea!
This all depends on you circle! I know every invite I received this year (7) (7!!!!!!) had registry info in them. This is completely acceptable in my circle. In others it may be considered distasteful however.
Thanks for all the feedback ladies.
We went ahead and had special cards made with our info. I don't think anyone who's invited will be offended by it.
I'm with the crowd who has never received an invitation that didn't have a registry card tucked inside - sometimes two or three. The only ones that didn't have them were second weddings, and then the invites specified no gifts. I've even received invitations that specified cash gifts only or invitations that had registry information printed right on the invitation.
I just think that it's a useful piece of information.
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Hi Bees,
I was just on another wedding blog and they basically said it was rude and tacky to have any registry information sent with an invitation suite. They basically attacked those who said they had sent them with their invites. They said to either spread it by word of mouth or your wedding website.
It was a bit offended to read because a. I don't think any of us have the right to say another brides wedding is tacky/rude b. not all guests are Internet savvy (esp some older ones) c. every invitation I've ever received had a registry card and I don't really see the big deal.
Since I love Weddingbee and the wonderful enviornment and feedback that is offered I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were?