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Did you read Miss Funnel Cake's take on gifts? They're also dealing with an international shipping situation and it makes total sense to not want to deal with all of that.
That said, it can get a little awkward asking people for money--technically gifts are optional and it's nice to acknowledge that. Something like...
"Your presence is present enough, really we have all we need, but if you'd really like to add icing to our cake, consider our honeyfund registry, please."
No, you don't need a gift registry. Since the honeyfund registry is newer, some people really haven't warmed up to it yet though (and maybe never will), so having a smaller gift registry along with it isn't a bad idea.
If people do not have a registry, or a fairly small one, I think most people know that it means to give cash, unless they know the couple really well and want to give them something personal.
Depends, are you having a shower? I really dont think you can have a shower and not have a registry.
If its only a wedding, then its a different story. That depends on your circle. In my circle people do not give presents for the wedding, only for showers.
@leafgum: I would probably just re-word your statement.
Something more like this:
Due to our long distance move to Austria, we decided not to register for gifts. Your presence at our wedding is certainly gift enough!
(the revision isnt perfect, just what i thought of right now)
No need to mention the honeymoon fund- they will see the fund on the website and can partake if they so choose.
Not at all! I think it could be perceived as rude if you were asking for money not gifts just because, and even that is pretty common. You, on the other hand, don't need gifts! It'd almost be an inconvenience! I think people would totally understand that if you gave them a gift you would have to transport it all the way across the world which could get very expensive.
"Wedding Etiquette" is almost a thing of the past. People do so many new and unique things these days.. it's a changing world! Sidenote, maybe you could change up the sentence after the semicolon. Emphasize more that it'd be hard to transport them rather than saying you have all that you need?
I don't know about the way you worded your note...but we are not doing a registry either. We have been living together in our home for 3.5 years and we already have everything we need. We just put on our website under the registry section: Since we are already settled at home, there will be no registry. I have seen several times people adding a line like: Contributions to our happily ever after fund are accepted.
We kept ours short and simple and did not ask directly for money. That was a personal decision on our part. We do not want to ask for money or gifts and will leave it up to our guests to decide what they are comfortable giving. It is also in our culture to give money rather than gifts so this is acceptable to our families but we have gotten a few confused friends asking about our registry to which we just repeat what we wrote on our website. Our close friends also know we are not registered and have been passing the message along that we will accept monetary gifts when people ask.
You don't have to have a gift registry. People can decide on their own if they want to give you an actual gift or the gift of money. I would think most people would just send money out of convenience, especially if they know the logistics of things. However, I personally don't like the idea of a honeymoon fund. I want to help people begin their lives as a married couple but I don't want to help them take a vacation. I say don't have the gift registry or the honeymoon registry and just use the money you receive as wedding gifts toward your honeymoon. That's what we did. We received more than enough money for the honeymoon and had money left over.
Thanks, bees! This makes me feel much better, and the edits are great!!
You totally can have just a Honeymoon Fund. I would reword what you put on the website. Maybe a combo of @thirdtimebride: and @Evie19:
Due to our long distance move to Austria, we decided not to register for gifts. Your presence is present enough, but if you'd really like to add icing to our cake, consider our honeyfund registry (insert link).
If however your Mom doesn't get off your back and you need a place to faux register-- Bed Bath and Beyond will give you cash back on items. I would go there and register for like 10 things (to make her happy), then take them back for the cash.
Well I think it's fine not to register, but I don't like honeyfund. I hear they take a percentage of the money you get.... not cool. I would just write you a check.
But, FYI if you tell people that their presence is present enough, a lot of them will give NO gift. Just a warning. I think it's just better not to register and people will just give you money.
I'm not sure where you're from, but your Mom's idea is a little off base. Rude to NOT have a registry? If you don't need anything, why bother? If people want to give you a gift, they will.
I NEVER give wedding GIFTS. I always give cash for the wedding.
@leafgum: I wouldn't put anything about boxed gifts (or no boxed gifts) on the website or anywhere else. We told our parents s that we're not doing a registry and no boxed gifts, and they will help us spread it through word of mouth.
Maybe add some links to charitable organizations for people to donate to in your name so it doesn't look like you're just grubbing for cash and you really don't need stuff?
Registries in their current incarnation are actually still a bit shaky in the etiquette situation--they were originally just so that guests could purchase the couple's china settings but now they have everything under the sun--which can be seen as asking for/expecting gifts which is not polite. I'm considering not having one purely for the fun of seeing the weird gifts that happen. My mom still has this horrible, nightmare inducing painting from her wedding--it's become something of a joke in our family and I would hope that something hilarious like that would happen to me.
As for your website perhaps say something like "We're both overjoyed to have you with us, in person or in spirit, on our special day. The gift of your love is more precious than any tangible item. If you'd like to add more to your gift, we've provided a honeyfund to help us on our honeymoon as well as links to the donation page of a few charitiable organizations that we support."
Just a side note, however... we really do need the money. We just don't need material items.
@leafgum, I would find a cute little poem like this one I found "
We don't want to offend but we have it all
All the household goods and so much more
To save you shopping sit back and rest
A gift of money is our request
Don't go berserk or rob any banks
Any little amount will be met with thanks
Now we have saved you all the fuss
We just want you to come celebrate with us!
You don't need a gift registry. People just assume you need a bunch of house stuff and decorating stuff. You don't have to if you don't want to..but bridal showers will be weird if there are no gifts to open, but don't see anything wrong with a honeyfund. If I didn't need so much...then I would do that instead.
Personally, I think it's rude because it implies you want money from your guests, which I think is a rude request. If someone wants to give you a gift, that is their decision, but they shouldn't feel like they need to give you cash if that's not something they're comfortable doing. Also, unless you want a bunch of weird stuff people pick out themselves and think you'll "love," I'd recommend registering for a few things you actually will love. You could also set up a honeymoon registry that people could gift things like breakfast in bed and adventures for wherever you're going, which makes them feel better about funding your honeymoon when they get to designate a special memory.
I hate to stir the pot - but I *DO* think you need to have a gift registry.
A lot of people hate to give money, and especially a lot of older people think it's extremely tacky...
I had joked with my fiance and his mom about just asking for money and they both flat out said you can't do that to people.
Honestly, you could register for items and then return them for cash if you had time before you leave for Austria?
Also - - I'm not sure what honeyfund is. Can your guests BUY you things for your honeymoon (like excursions? dolphin swimming, sightseeing tour, etc.), or is it just like an account to deposit money into FOR the honeymoon?
If its the former it might be okay in place of a registry but if it's just a money donation thing I don't see that working so well.
But, every family is different! I just know that not registering wouldn't fly with mine or my fiance's fam.
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First, some background: my fiance is Austrian and lives in Austria. I'm American, living in California. We're having the wedding in Pennsylvania. My fiance is already established and has a home with everything we need, so we've decided to only make a Honeyfund registry - where we'll just get money for our honeymoon (and if we're lucky, some left over!).
My mother, on the other hand, just gave me quite a lecture about how
1. It's wedding etiquette to have a gift registry.
2. People want to give you gifts, not money.
3. You wont get much money from the honeyfund account, because of point 2.
4. It's extremely offensive to state that you don't want gifts, and ofensive to ask for money.
This is making me want to rip my hair out. I am tired of this wedding etiquette crap! We do not want a bunch of gifts that we then have to figure out how to transport back to Austria, and/or have to figure out where to put in our apartment in Austria (that means no registries for places like Amazon, which would ship to Austria, either).
My idea was (and is) to put a note on our website saying something like this:
"We'd like to politely decline gifts; we presently have all that we need and would rather not have to transport them back to Austria. Instead, we would love if you would help us make our honeymoon possible."
etc etc, feel free to edit.
Is that really that bad??