(Closed) Registry Etiquette HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m a bit old school when it comes to registries, so take my advice with a grain of salt and understand that many Bees will disagree…  BUT- this is what I would do:

Set up a small tangible registry to upgrade certain household items, as well as to stock up on finer linens/sheets/towels/etc.

Spread by word of mouth that you are saving up for <honeymoon, vacation, the big move, whatever>

By having a small registry and also spreading by word of mouth that you’re saving up for something, people will likely gift you cash.

The issue that I personally have with honeymoon registries is that a guest is under the impression that they are giving you something specific, when in actuality you’re getting a check for XX amount, usually minus some fees.  I’d rather give the couple a check for the amount I’d like them to have, instead of having some of the money intended for the couple being taken out via fees.

 

Post # 4
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

There are many people who don’t like honeyfund registries (or any registry that is basically just a method to give you cash – some dislike them since the guests can stick cash in a card without the website taking a cut, others see this type of registry as “asking for cash” – and that doesn’t need to be done; most folks realize that couples generally like money!)

If you really honestly don’t need ANYTHING, it’s silly to register for “stuff.”  It’s like telling people “I’d really like new sheets, or blue towels for the bath, or this All-Clad cookware” but internally groaning whenever you get one of those gifts you’ve said you’d like! 

BUT – there are some people who will always prefer to give a gift than to give money (in any form).  These people will likely choose to give you a “thing” whether you register or not.  I did not create a registry, and received some beautiful gifts, but there were some things that I would never have picked for myself.  (I’m thrilled to have them, and it was so generous of my friends and family to give them, I’m not complaining about that!) That’s a risk you take… If you don’t register Aunt Mildred may decide that you would love a silver serving platter with a pig engraved on it.  Sure it will be lovely, but it you prefer modern decor it won’t match much in your home.

If you really just want money, it’s best to let your mom/FMIL/MOH (the people most likely to be questioned about your registry and gift preferences) that you “Really don’t need anything, but you are saving for  xxx (down payment on a house, a boat, a new washer and dryer.. whatever)”  This informs your guests that you would prefer cash gifts, but is a round about way of letting them know, which is far less likely to ruffle any feathers than a wishing well poem or something.

If you want to cut down on the number of pig platters, you may wish to create a registry that will give guests an idea of your home decor preferences.  (But there will always be someone who finds “the perfect gift” that isn’t anything you’d pick yourself, so I won’t suggest that registering will ELIMINATE the pig platters!)

Post # 5
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@UmbrellaMoon:  Seriously though, who wouldn’t just LOVE a nice, fancy pig platter?!?!?! O.o

Post # 6
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@DaneLady:  Well… I like pigs, but it’s not the pattern I’ve planned on for my formal dining service. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Are you having a shower? If so, you need to register for physical gifts or theme the shower for something like lingerie or spa items or makeup, etc. If you aren’t, many guests will still choose to give you a physical gift for the wedding and will simply choose it themselves without any direction from you concerning what you want, need, or like. So, beware!

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

You don’t have to set up a registry, but it will guide guests towards your tastes.  If left to their own devices you may end up with 6 toasters. 

I also never believe that everyone has a full house of all totally new, totally updated items.  Everyone has sheets that could use replacing, or needs new dish towels or something.

 

Post # 9
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just throwing this out there for debate, if honeyfunds or whatever take a cut off the top isn’t that like price locking when you register with a certain store…like for example some of the stuff we registered for at Target you can get at Ross for half the price…someone is always taking a cut unless you are actually writing a check and handing it straight to the person you’re gifting to…IMO

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

We were combining two huge houses, we have EVERYTHING.  So we didn’t register for anything and told my MIL and my Dad that we didn’t want anything just GC to get the house painted, or money.  It worked out everyone got the idea when there was no registry, maybe you want to consider that? 

we only got one gift, wine glasses and matching beer glasses … which worked out great as everyone came back to our house after the reception and we ran out of glasses!

Post # 11
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m kinda in the same boat because my FI and I plan on moving to another country in a few years for we dont want a lot of dishes or big stuff.  Just keep your registry small both in number of items and size of items.  For example my FI and I are registering for high quality, high thread count sheets because wgo doesn’t want some awesome soft sheets?

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Registries are poor etiquette, period.  Honeymoon registries are worse.  No one should be instructed to give you a gift, or what kind of gift to give you.  You’re not a 6-year-old writing to Santa.

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs.FI and I lived together for almost 3 years before the wedding, but much of our kitchen stuff were hand me downs.  Registering gave us a chance to upgrade a LOT of stuff.  We got a lot of what we wanted, especially at the shower, and still made a good amount of money from the checks and cash.

Cash registries also take a cut from whatever amount people decide to gift you, so you don’t get the full $100, you get anywhere from $90 – $95 or so.  I know that people will appreciate money for a wedding present, I don’t need a third party taking a cut.

Post # 14
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We had a Honeyfund, and I actually got compliments from people who were “so happy” to give me a massage or something rather than flatware. I do think it’s nice to have a small physical registry in addition for people who would rather give an item, but in my book, honeymoon registries are pretty awesome.

I’ve never heard anyone bash a honeymoon registry before weddingbee, so maybe it’s a regional preference? Who knows!

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Great post by UmbrellaMoon:  !!

From an Etiquette point of view…

Registries are kind of a “grey” area Etiquette wise… Gift Registries somewhat acceptable (just don’t advertise them… use Word of Mouth to get the message out)… and Cash Registries… rarely acceptable, always controversial (including Honeymoon Funds)

I am personally of the mindset that andielovesj: mentioned… I believe that even a small Gift Registry can be a good idea.  As she said, I don’t for a minute believe that everyone doesn’t have a few things they’d put on a WISH LIST…

And yes, the other benefit to a Gift Registry is it will give those who won’t buy off your Registry (there are always some), at least an idea of what your likes are, decore, colours etc… so hopefully the “unexpected” gifts will be more to your liking

— — —

TO – icetea:  Registries I’ve used in the past had the option where a Bride could enter an over-ride.  So if someone went out and bought an item that the Bride Registered For elsewhere, she was able to self-update the Registry to show that the item was no longer on The List (checked off as RECEIVED).  This is to account for those Guests who chose not to shop at Target, but rather Ross like in your example.

This is ANOTHER REASON, why it is nice if the Guests forward their Wedding Gifts onto the Bride BEFORE the Wedding… so that she can keep track of them, and thereby other Guests are aware of what has been Received To Date.

Lol… of course a Cheque in a Card to the Couple directly… rarely has any issues, and is always a good choice.

Hope this helps,

 

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