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I think a lot of people view registries as a guide...not a "You need to buy me exactly what's on this list." And I know several people that don't buy off of registries at all, since they aren't exactly the most creative or thoughtful of gifts.
I just tried to be grateful when I received wedding gifts, even if it wasn't on my registry or I didn't love it. Not everyone feels that way though.
I totally understand getting white plastic instead of stainless steel. I wouldn't display a white plastic utensil on my perfectly coordinated kitchen countertop! The re-gift was just in bad taste; I'm pretty sure at least one of my gifts was a re-gift and definitely not from the registry. As for the rest... well there's no rule that says they have to stick to the registry! It's like you said though, they run the risk of getting you something you're just going to return anyway.
ETA: I also got some kitchen supplies that were lower quality than the ones I registered for. The reason I registered for the nice ones was because I already have the cheap ones and would like to upgrade!!!
Registries are a wish-list not a must-have list. Some people don't use registries at all and get what they think you want and others will glance at a registry and then decide whether or not to use them. Folks will spend their money how they wish to and you can't force people to buy from one, nor can you get upset when they do gift you something that isn't on the registry because gifts are never required. Graciously accept what they gave you with a courteous thank you note and then discretely return/exchange what doesn't fit your style or needs.
@Selene221: OK, let me clarify: I said this was a silly vent... not a serious gripe.
By no means would i ever think you can force someone to buy a certain gift, nor did I say I was upset at these gifts. I said I thought it was funny, which I do, and I'm more concerned with them wasting their time and money.
Let's be honest, in this day and age, we all go to a lot of showers and are all aware of their intention -- they are the items couples really want and need.
I received several items off of the registry, and am grateful to all of my friends and family for buying me gifts. I sent each one of them a sincere thank you note, even for the items I plan to return.
That said, I still think it's an odd choice to go to the store and buy an item off of the registry that's right next to what was actually registered for.
Many will disagree, and that's OK. That's what makes the world go 'round... different opnions!
My silly vent on this topic- we got some regifted kitchen towels... How do I know they were regifted? Well the original gifter had written on the tags, "Happy Shower *Mary*" My name isn't Mary LOL!
Most of the gifts were from our registry. Sadly, the only 2 that weren't were things I would return if I could :(
I hope people follow the registry and don't assume it's just a guide. I worked hard comparing items and selecting the ones I wanted.
Though I wouldn't mind if they strayed a little on the Kitchenaid mixer. I do want stainless color, but I don't care what model I get! I just hope I get it!
I think this will be a bigger issue for me when I have a baby in the next few years. I'm very much into using all-natural stuff, espeically around my future baby! I want glass bottles, not plastic. I want natural fibers. I want natural baby products (like California Baby and Seventh Generation). Etc. I will be very picky what is around my baby!
@Schatzie821: HAHAHA, OMG! Ok, that is terrible. I would totally call them out on it somehow.
I think your comments are interesting, but I have to be honest that I always think of a registry as a guideline of what you like and are interested in. I totally get that you are looking to upgrade the kitchen tools, but I also think that your gift giver may be including extra things not on your list... like the measuring cup. The bath basket might also be a splurge gift... on just you... not your house! And if you discover that you were regifted something like dish towels... realize that the giver may have been given an abundance of something... (I do think it's odd that the tags read someone else's name... but as long as it wasn't an old monogram or worn out/used item... then I'd give them a little slack.
At least it's all fairly small stuff that isn't that big of a deal. I mean, you can never have too many measuring cups, and now you have a spare mango splitter for when the other one is dirty. The "D" nightlight is pretty classic though! I really hope your last name actually begins with D! :)
i understand what you mean about ppl not evening bothering to shop on registries almost everything my brother and SIL got was random and a few things they actually liked. the only item from their registry that they actually got came from me funny enough.
so i put a lot of consideration into my registy and tried to make it as easy as possible for people and added a lot of fun stuff too. hopefully the wedding gifts will be more along your lines of liking though!
I just had my shower yesterday and was pleasantly surprised that most of the gifts came from my registry. The things I didn't get that i need though were my pots and pans and bath towels. I had luggage on our registry and, strangely enough, my dad's cousin said to me "i wanted to get you luggage but i didn't like that you had 2 wheeled ones on there. I like the 4 wheeled ones!" ummm...ok but I like 2 wheeled ones. She also claimed that my registry had nothing on it and said she didn't see my pots and pans. Whatever! She ended up giving me Macy's gift cards which I will use to buy that stuff and that's fine by me. People say the weirdest things!
People went totally off my registry, I've ranted about it several times on WB. One guest was nice enough to contact me and actually say that she found my exact knives on sale at another store, so I was able to just take them off our registry. No one else was that nice. And I got crappy versions of the actual items I registered for, I couldn't even believe it. I would NEVER do that ! Obviously the couple took the time to decide WHERE they wanted to register and for what exact items. If they wanted the crappy cheap version that will fall apart in 2 weeks they would have registered for it.
I agree with PP, registries are not an end all be all list of what to get. They provide a guide to what the couple would want and give ideas to those who need them for purchasing. I don't have an issue returning or replacing items as long as they stick with the stores we register for. Preferable, IMO people would either buy directly off of the registry, give cash or give a personalized/tradition gift.
@Missbliss: "And if you discover that you were regifted something like dish towels... realize that the giver may have been given an abundance of something... (I do think it's odd that the tags read someone else's name... but as long as it wasn't an old monogram or worn out/used item... then I'd give them a little slack."
OK, wait - you would honestly cut someone slack for re-gifting something with someone else's name on it?!? Come on now.
I hope that people don't use my registry as a guide. Either buy me something off the registry or give me cash or a check. We've lived together for several years and there are very specific things we want/need. Seeing as we already have almost everything we need, I likely wouldn't know what to do with a gift that wasn't specifically off my registry. I think it's a waste of time and money to guess what the bride and groom might like or need. When in doubt, write a check!
@alligatress:I don't think you're being ungrateful at all. You made a list of very specific things you needed, and this is the one time where people know without a doubt that you will 100% love what they got you. It's a no-brainer!
My cousin just got married and her MIL insisted on buying her a bunch of measuring cups and pans without looking at the registry. Now she has to return the ones she registered for because she has duplicates and doesn't want to hurt MIL's feelings.
P.S. I love that your FI said "that's going right in the trash" hahaha
We got a cheap knock off gift for our shower, and I'll admit that I was upset about it! We have a few really nice towel sets, and we registered for more. They're suuuuuper plush, thick, soft, amazing towels.
My grandma, who is an incredibly thrifty woman, went out, saw the towels we registered for (she must have, considering what she got us), and then went to another store and bought the ENTIRE set we had registered for - same color, same towel sizes, everything, four bath, four hand and eight wash cloths ---- but in a MUCH lower quality towel.
We weren't looking to upgrade. We were looking to add to our existing collection, so we'd have enough towels for guests without frantically doing laundry.
I can understand if she didn't want to buy the whole set - the towels we registered for were not cheap! But I would rather have gotten half (or a third) of the set we wanted from her, and left the rest on registry, than to get the cheap look-alikes (that don't feel alike!) with no gift reciept.
My mom insisted I take the other towels off the registry so as not to offend Grandma, which means we'll now end up buying them ourselves after the wedding, and shoving the others in the closet. It's a shame when brand new towels will get relegated to cleaning rags and mopping up spills. :(
LOL I love this topic. And I love that we can talk about it on here and not sound like greedy bitches to our friends. :)
I love all of our shower gifts so far. One woman got us a crock pot and it wasn't on our registry!!
We did get some things that Mom said had to be from Costco...does Costco take returns w/o receipts? LOL!! Ok...not the hugest fan of those items but whatev. If we can't do anything with them, they're good yard sale fodder!! Think of it that way. Or, once you buy a house (or if you're already an owner) donate it and write it off!!
LOL!!
My mom pretty much flat our refused to buy us anything off of our registry. She wanted to get us stuff that other people won't have the chance to. She bought us our cake knife for the wedding which I love, and some specialty cleaning rags. My FI's mother also bought us whatever she felt like, but that ended up working out really well! She is a wiz in the kitchen and knows what kitchen stuff we need, and bought us stuff we didn't put on our registry but totally needed. Broiler, cookbook, glass pie pan, and a cake carrier.
My shower is on Sunday. I really do not want anyone to interpret my registry unless they want to get me stuff from Victoria's Secret.
@jillocb: OMG, your post cracked me up. lol I do love that you can be honest on this site without being judged.
My shower is on Sat, I hope they stick to our registry. We picked those things for a reason :)
I was reminded of this post when I checked my registry the other day (Bed Bath and Beyond seems to like to discontinue the stuff I've picked - grrr - so I check it periodically to replace items) and saw that someone has purchased us a set of spatulas we didn't register for. They have stainless steel, flat handles, and blue silicone heads.
Now I'm imagining holding a piece of flat steel in my hand, trying to scrape cake batter out of a bowl with it... and the pain that would ensue. See, I have a disability that makes my grip far from perfect, so everything I registered for was from the Oxo Good Grips line - fat, rubber handles = easy on the hands!
(We'll just ignore the part where the blue heads don't match anything else on the registry - all the kitchen stuff is black and green.)
So while I understand, they wanted to purchase a $10 set of three spatulas that's "the same as" (but cheaper than) the three individual Oxo spatulas... they're not.
There's a really legitimate reason I registered for the things I did. Honest!
@alligatress: Eeeek, this is exactly why I made an online registry! I have my wedding wish list on MyRegistry.com so that this way my friends and family see exactly what I want, and then all they have to do to purchase it is click their mouse button. Since I was able to add items to my wish list from any store in the world, I did thorough research to make sure that I added the items that I wanted to my wish list from the stores that had the best price :)
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Just a very silly vent.
It cracks me up how people interpret your registry choices in their own way. I had the first of my two showers last weekend, and I got a few items that were "similar" to my registry items, but not what I had chosen, as well as some complete randoms:
I'd really rather have people not buy these things at all then A) waste their money on something I won't use or B) have to return them.
Side note: My mom had said that she wasn't buying my cousin a gift off of her baby registry because there was "nothing fun on there and she doesn't even know if she's having a boy or girl," and I reminded her that if they wanted "fun" stuff, they would have registered for it.
Anyone else going through this?