Post # 1
Do you view a registry as a “buying list” or a “guide”? Pertaining to both wedding and baby.
What prompted me to ask: I was at a baby shower today and before the mom-to-be and shower guests arrived (I was there helping set-up), there was mention of “why did she register for diapers / baby shampoo / wipes? everyone already knows a new mom needs those things!” (And while the mom-to-be had registered for all mainstream brands; I was thinking in my mind that I will most definitely register for those things when it comes time for a baby because of my preference for natural/organic products.)
Do you get exactly what a bride or mom-to-be registers for, or do you use the registry as a guide and get something similar?
Post # 3
I get exactly what they requested. I figure that there’s a reason why they asked for a specific item, so why deviate from what they said they wanted?
Post # 4
For weddings I use it as a “guide”, I always get gifts on the registry. For babies I use it as a “list” I usually dont even look at them. I like picking stuff out myself…and then I also get them some diapers.
What I have noticed about baby registries is that there are a lot fewer items…so mommy ends up with three of the exact same play pen
Post # 5
Having come out on the other side of my wedding and now planning for our little one, I’ll likely always use registries as a buying list. I know that I put a lot of thought and time into creating our registries and picking the things that we liked, and there was usually a reason we registered for one item over another.
I think that for a baby it’d be even more appreciated to follow the registry. I know that I registered for many organic and natural things, as well as gender neutral items so that we can use the bigger items for multiple kids. We won’t know for another month what we’ll be having, but I’d be bummed if someone learned we were having a girl and bought a pink carseat or something.
Post # 6
I buy what is on it and only what is on it because I know that is what I want done with mine. My mom and I had a talk about this and then she bought the camera I wanted from a different place then I registered and FMIL bought it from the registry! I think that made my point to her about buying off the registry 🙂
Post # 7
To me there’s no point in a registry unless you’re going to buy from it. The only exception is if you find the same or very similar item at another store. For instance, we got a Keurig from a store different than where we registered for it, and we got drinking glasses that looked very similar to what we registered for.
Post # 8
I also use the registry as what they want and shop directly off of it. Most of the time I like to do a combo of stuff though. Sometimes I will do mostly things off the registry and then add things that would never be on a registry. EX. we just went to a wedding last weekend and we bough all of their coffee mugs and the stirring spoons and two of their towels. Then I added some coffe and tea to the gift. Also did this with mixing bowls and stuff to make a cake.
I think that people register for said item for a reason. My mom used ours as a guide though and it did kind of annoy me in some areas because it wasn’t exactly the same it was a diff brand that didn’t have all the features. If I am not gonna buy directly off the registry then I am not gonna buy something simular to something on it.
Post # 9
I always buy from the registry- especially for babies! I don’t have kids and really have no idea what they need. I think the couple probably knows best what they need, want and like.
There are a few circumstances that I understand not going from the registry. One is if the gift is unique and you really know the couples taste-a piece of art, or a gift from another country. Another buying an item on the registry at another store ( because it is a better price or more convenient) as long as you immediately let the couple know so they can take the item off the registry.
What I really don’t understand is going to Macy’s or BBB, looking over a couples registry that has a variety of items at different prices, and instead choosing some random picture frame or candlesticks.
Post # 10
I’m starting to discover that at least in my life, registry etiquette seems to be drawn along generational lines. Like, my mother and grandmother and their friends look at a registry as a guide (unless it’s china or silverware) and some are scandalized by the idea of it. My grandmother in particular would be horrified at the notion of giving someon ea cheese grater for their wedding–too informal. She’s the type to believe in Waterford Crystal. THis isn’t just being an old fart–it’s the belief that a wedding gift should express her relationship and respect for the couple and a way for her to be part of ther lifes, albeit indirectly–like everytime they use their Waterford glasses, they’ll be honoring HER and thinking of their relationship with her; it’s not about “fetching” a toaster for them because they like bagels on sunday and the Cuisinart one comes in red.
MY friends, however, would never, ever order off registry unless they know the couple really, really well and generally accept the idea of a registry just fine. I think more people in my generation (under 30) seem to think that ordering off registry is rude. There’s also the technology issue–Grandma is more inclined to call Macy’s or go to the store; my friends think it’s annoying NOT to supply them with a link (because then they’d have to do legwork on their own) and part of that ease is not having to second-guess what the couple wants. And I think that our generation is much clearer about the cheese grater WE want being EXACTLY the right one–and we don’t want one that’s not the same, no matter how similar it looks.
I guess the bottom line is you can’t make everyone happy. Register for what you want: some people will use it as a guide; some people will take it literally. If people want to complain that you’re “too specific,” then, in my view, they’re kind of behind the times with registries, but they’re in your life too, so let them grumble and thank them graciously for whatever it is when it comes 🙂
Post # 11
I very rarely see baby registries! I think that they aren’t that popular locally. So I guess I would think that registering for diapers and wipes is definitely weird! Unless you are asking for cloth diapers to wash and reuse… which I do know that some people do actually want to do. I live north of Pittsburgh, but not really near Erie so I think that at baby showers we tend to just buy stuff babies need. But for a wedding shower, people locally often travel to Erie or Pittsburgh to shop the registries at major department stores. I tend to use them as a guide of what the couple needs and likes. Some things on the list are must purchase exactly that brand or style of item… like China, flatware, and glassware. But other items are more of a guide of what the bride and groom want and need. So if you pick pink towels at Macy’s and I can find softer prettier pink towels at Nordstroms then you are just going to have to enjoy the upgrade! I like creative gifts that fit the bride and groom. If I can find something to delight a friend that’s not on the registry, but still fits their style then that might be on my list to purchase. Based on my friends’ reactions at their showers and their comments… I think the gifts are appreciated. Something that I have noticed on the bee is that some brides are surprised to discover that people don’t always purchase the exact kitchen tool that you requested… I know that personally when I’m looking at a list of 30 tools that are a specific brand… I don’t always view that brand as the must buy… after all you may also list the same stuff on another list in that store’s name brand. I don’t normally try to get a cheaper item, but I do try to use my own knowledge of kitchen tools to get something that will last and be enjoyed… If you like the plastic measuring spoons because they were pink…then you might be disappointed that they are stainless steel… but on the other hand you might think it’s cool that they have a seashell design on them because I know that you love to go to the ocean… I know this was a long answer, but I think that registries are a little bit of both… wants and must have items…
Post # 12
This is a good thread.
Before I got engaged, I had definitely inherited my mother’s dislike of registries. She found them rude and impersonal. As more and more of my friends got married, I bought either from the registry or if I felt really really close to them, I would by something I really thought they would like.
Now that I’m a couple of months out from my wedding and have been through the pain of registering, I don’t think that I will ever by off registry again. Like other posters, I would consider adding extra thoughtful stuff to a gift, but the main part of the gift will be from the registry. Who I am to say that the couple should want or need something else then what they have asked for? For some of our larger appliances (like the food processor, toaster oven, etc), I did a lot of research into the brand and warranties offered. I would be really…upset (honestly) if someone bought us the same appliance, but a different brand. To me, it would be like a guest saying “I don’t like ArwenBride’s china choice. I’m going to buy her a place setting in the china that I think she SHOULD like”.
I felt awful about registering and only did it because my FH really wanted to and my mom (who has changed her tune) told me that it is just a helpful tool for guests…that made me come around. But I still didn’t like doing it. It felt…weird to me.
Post # 13
I buy off the registry. I guess I just feel like they spend a lot of time figuring out their registry, and I want to make them happy. 🙂