Post # 1
Our wedding/engagement definitely isn’t traditional. We’re having a small 40 person wedding on a Thursday afternoon and taking everyone to a nice restaurant to celebrate that night. We’ve lived together for three years and have bought three homes together.
I feel like it would be somewhat tacky/poor form to have a registry at this point because everyone knows we’ve lived together for years. We have everything we could need already as we’ve bought it on our own.
My FMIL insists we must register somewhere and do showers (as this is her way to be involved by throwing a shower) but I just feel like we’d be registering for and accepting gifts we don’t need just for the sake of doing so.
Is anyone in the same boat as me – living together for a large amount of time before wedding and registering/not registering? I just don’t want people spending money on us when we’re not having a super traditional/real wedding, but more importantly, when we already have everything we need.
Post # 2
if there is nothing you need or want, don’t register. don’t let her force you to do something you don’t want.
you could always register for a couple of items to appease her if you wanted.
Post # 3
If you don’t want or need a registry, then don’t have one. People will likely still bring gifts or money.
Post # 4
svjordan: can you suggest she host a bridal lunch or engagement party instead of an actual shower? That way she can be involved and you don’t have to have people buying you things?
The other idea may be to let her know you guys have all the physical stuff you need, but you would like to do home improvement from store X, Y or Z and since they don’t have a registry you’d just like GC to them. I registered and let it known about Home Depot — we wanted to build our own fence — and at my shower I ended up getting about half physical gifts and half GCs or cash.
Post # 5
You could do one of those fun, alternative registrys where you can register for activities, trips, or camping equipment. If people want to purchase you something more traditional that don’t want, you can always return or exchange it.
This one is pretty neat: http://www.sokindregistry.org/
Post # 6
svjordan: People are going to give you gifts. Register somewhere, anywhere or you are going to get lots of stuff you dont want. At Bed Bath and Beyond, they will give you cash back for items bought off your registry.
Post # 7
We’re not bothering. We live together already and both brought our seperate ‘stuff’ to the relationship so we have a ton of housewares etc and really no need for any more. Plus I have been married before so think it’s a bit poor form to register again. Our wedding is six weeks away and we have already been given some gifts despite telling people not to give us any! So people will likely give you gift certificates or money if you don’t register anyway.
Post # 8
We are in the same boat. We already have everything we need or could dream of. We are not doing a registry. We have also asked for no gifts or money. Their gift to us is spending the day with us. We do well for ourselves and can’t imagine taking from our families who make much less than us.
Post # 9
svjordan: I’ve heard of honeymoon registry. It where your guest buy upgrade or the dinner or couple spa I’m not sure the details but if that interest you I’m sure your FMIL will find the details and organise it. It you truly want nothing let her help with hosting a dinner for the wedding party which will get her involved without being involved
Post # 10
svjordan: We are not having a registry either, but mostly because we have lived together and have children and we don’t need any household items. I just posted a suggestion on my website, if anyone wanted to get us something they could give us gift cards for home improvement stores as an idea, because that is something anyone can use, but I feel the same. Why have a registry if you don’t need anything? I don’t want to go scan a bunch of items just for the sake of doing so, it wouldn’t be anything we needed.
Post # 11
Thank you ALL so much for the responses! I think I’m going to go in the direction of no registry. I left out the detail that my fiance has been married before, and myself engaged before so that just adds to the fact that we’ve already been down this road.
Thank you so much!