Post # 1
I have a question for you all. I’m having a bit of a non-traditional wedding. My FI and I are getting married with only our immediate families and about 4 friends present. (And by immediate family I mean parents/siblings). Partially because we’re getting married at neither of our homes and partially because we just prefer small, intimate gatherings. What we are doing, though, is having engagement barbecues this summer (one in his home state, one in my home province) so that the rest of the family doesn’t feel COMPLETELY left out. There’ll be food and drink (though due to venue restrictions, no alcohol at his location 🙁 ) and favours, but no DJ or dancing. I’m getting pressure from his mother to register. I’m a little torn on this, because she wants us to ‘just in case someone asks’. I’ve seen people get offended when you’re not registered because they assume you’re ‘asking for cash’. But at the same time, it’s an engagement party, and a casual one at that. Gifts aren’t traditional, and I don’t want to seem like ‘hey! We’re leaving you out of our wedding, but we still want the presents.’ I’m not concerned about gifts. I’m sure a couple people will still get them for us, I’m sure a few people won’t. We’ll be thankful for whatever we receive but expect nothing. But I just don’t want to offend anyone with either registering or not registering!! What are your thoughts, bees? Also, do I write thank you cards to all that come to my engagement parties? I don’t know what to do! Given that we’re going the non-traditional route, there doesn’t seem to be a lot I can find online. :/
Post # 2
I would make a small registry with gifts not going over $75. I would send a thank you for any gifts you get, even if it’s a bottle of wine or picture frame.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t register. People usually don’t bring gifts to an engagement party and if they do they’ll just bring a card/money.
Post # 4
Don’t let your future MIL pressure you into registering for what are, essentially, engagement parties.
Post # 5
Lisasaurusrex: It is not rude not to register nor is it the same as asking for cash. Anyone who gets “offended” that you’re not registered is out of their gourd.
Buying and receiving gifts is supposed to be about sentiment and affection – not fulfilling someone’s shopping list. If someone likes you enough to want to get you a gift, then they should enjoy selecting something for you – not get annoyed that you haven’t told them what to buy and where. That removes all sentiment from the gift and reduces it to some burdensome obligation.
No, you don’t write thank you cards to people for attending a party. If someone gets you a gift, write a thank you for that but it’s out of place to thank people for accepting your hospitality.
Post # 6
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
I wouldn’t register. frankly I would find it odd if I was invited to the engagement party, not the wedding, and knew you put together a registry. I think registry shows forethought that you were expecting gifts.
My FMIL tried to pressure me to register for our engagement party but I put my foot down for the same reasons you stated. A few people brought cash and gift cards, we got a few bottles of wine, and one random crystal butterfly from an old aunt.
Post # 7
I’m even more torn now! I’m glad you all agree that I shouldn’t register, but I’ve also basically completely turned my FMIL’s world upside down by having our wedding in a non traditional way. It almost seems like something I can ‘give’ her to just appease her. I think I will make an EXTREMELY small registry. Maybe 25 items. And make it clear that info is not to be given out unless people have already been told we don’t want gifts and are insistent that they want to give us an item but don’t know what. (Most of his family doesn’t know me at all.) Ill just have to hope people understand I’m trying to be accommodating. Thanks for all of your opinions!